Well, I didn't like the way Heart of a Leopard was going, so I changed the beginning 100% (reason the title has changed).
Enjoy!
And a note to all future critiquers- Feel free to be harsh.
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Chapter 1
Kerani of Shira watched the dry, desolate land go by through a gold mesh screen, a silk canopy above her head, the world rocking slightly from the gate of her elephant. Up ahead her half-sister and stepmother occupied another elephant; behind was a train of their possessions. Kerani thanked them for the dust caked on her skin and the grit in her hair. Her half-sister Ranya for being chosen as the Crown Prince’s bride, her stepmother for making Kerani come along to “protect” the bride-to-be. It didn’t matter that Ranya was fourteen, only a year younger then Kerani. It didn’t matter that once they were inside the palace Ranya would be guarded all day, every day. No, she still needed her mother and her sister to keep her “safe.”
A gust of wind blew more dirt in her face. Curse this drought! Kerani coughed, praying they'd reach Shenora today. The capital of Kemmer didn’t move, had places to take baths and, it was supposed to be green-- Unlike the rest of the country.
She tried to rub grit out of her eyes. Only the Phoenix knew why they had to make this trip now. Autumn wind was constantly blowing, kicking up dust storms that turned villages into ghost towns.
Kerani shook her head when she realized what had just gone through her mind. The Phoenix was the goddess of the day and dry season. If anything, Lung should be on her mind. They needed the god of the rain and night more then ever. She knew from her brother, Hasin that the farmable land was shrinking and the food stores were starting to exhaust themselves. Kemmer was just too big, and the drought was severe.
A thrill of joy went down her nerves. Ranya’s. Something was exciting her half-sister to the point of near hysteria.
Kerani glanced out of her silken cage. Tital Bay was visible in the east. Normally she would have groaned at anything her half-sister found exciting, but there was something about the waves rippling across the water that was oddly hypnotic. She sighed. Tital Bay was beautiful, but it wasn’t the mountains of Hurime. Kerani hoped she’d be able to go back home— and soon.
Ranya's squeal cut through the silence. Kerani sighed and looked ahead, taking her eyes away from the water. The palace was now in sight, a gray pearl on the highest point of Wing Plateau.
The dome was the first thing she saw. It crowned the place like a fat teardrop. The only other thing she could see from far was the outer wall. A tower marked each corner, each topped by the same dome as the palace. A dark blotch along one wall showed where the gate was. She’d heard that the courtyards of the palace were so big that markets were held inside for the nobles.
Kerani tuned out her magic as excitement grew around her. They were going through the city now, and people were starting to gather. Every single one of them wanted to catch a glimpse of the splendour the Imperial Bride was arriving in, even if they couldn’t see her through the screen. Kerani relaxed in the shadow of her half-sister. Nobody was cheering for her, and she didn’t mind. After hearing Ranya fret for almost a year, Kerani was glad she wasn’t getting married.
On a whim she looked outside. Green vines grew on the sides of houses, new shoots were springing up in gardens, the wind carried the scent of roses, jasmine and lavender. Kerani had heard Shenora received the normal three months of rain that summer, despite the drought. She hadn’t believed it until now.
The cheering was soon drowned out by a loud groan. The gates of the palace were opening. Kerani knew Ranya was quivering with excitement. Kerani had to admit she was too. The two-week trip was finally drawing to a close.
It was several minutes before they reached the gates. A bar of shadow marked the difference between the outside world and the palace world. They passed by servants waiting to take their possessions down shadowed hallways. Another gate was on the other side of the courtyard. It was in much better condition then the outer one; the doors were freshly stained, the hinges polished mirror-bright.
Another bar of shadow, another change. This time from the servant’s world to the noble’s. The walls and floor were marble; shade-structures had been built on two sides of the courtyard. Kerani noticed a man standing under one of them as her elephant knelt. She dismounted slowly, unsure who it was. She tuned into her magic and detected a faint trace of familiarity, but she couldn’t place it. Ranya placed it for her.
“Hasin!” Her half-sister ran to him and jumped into his arms. Kerani watched with a twinge of jealousy. Hasin was her brother. She was the one who was supposed to jump into his arms, not her half-sister. She watched her stepmother fawn over him like he was her son. Ranya was still hanging onto his neck. Hasin was the top Counsel member at only twenty-two. He headed almost every project related to the drought. Most of them were his ideas. Kerani was the only one there related to him by blood, and now she was the one left out of this ‘family’ gathering.
“Kerani!” Hasin called, “Don’t you want to see me?”
She smiled and ran over. He hadn’t forgotten her after all. Before she could say anything he let go of Ranya and hugged her. Kerani wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder. Phoenix, she had missed him.
“Cat,” he whispered, using her old nickname, “I have to talk to you.”
Ranya interrupted before Kerani could respond. “Aren’t you supposed to take us to our rooms?”
Hasin sighed and let her go. “You’re very right. Lady Ranya, Lady Vyoma, Lady Kerani,” he used her full title just to irk her, she could tell by the twinkle in his eyes. “If you will follow me?”
Lady Vyoma crossed her arms. “You’re just as bad as Kerani. I keep telling you two, call me Mother.”
Hasin bowed. “Whatever you say, Lady Mother.”
Lady Vyoma shook her head and followed him down the hall. Kerani ran her tongue over her teeth. Had she said that her stepmother would have reacted very differently. Her brother had no idea how lucky he was. She didn’t bother to tell him. He wouldn’t understand.
It was a short walk to Lady Vyoma’s rooms. Ranya’s rooms were just down the hall. They were carved with the Phoenix.
“Hasin,” Ranya gasped, “You don’t mean— I get the Empress’s rooms now? I’m not even the Princess yet!”
Hasin nodded. “That you do, sister. And just in case you need anything, Kerani’s rooms are across the hall, and if you want to see me personally, send a message.”
Ranya nodded and disappeared into her new suite. Kerani sensed the ripples of sheer wonder from her half-sister.
“You’ve done it now,” Kerani grumbled, “She’s already acting like a princess. Now you’ve got her in the Empress’s suite!”
Hasin unlocked the door across the hall. “Don’t look at me! The Emperor decreed she have those rooms. And consider yourself lucky you’re across the hall. You almost got adjoining rooms.”
She shuddered. “A-adjoining rooms? And who—or what— prevented that?”
He smiled. “Me.”
Kerani rolled her eyes. “Of course,” she followed him into her rooms, “What did you want to talk to me about?”
He closed the door. “How much can you do with your magic now?”
She sat on a nearby chair. “Enough,” she narrowed her eyes, “Why do you ask?”
“Would it be possible for you to sense how the earth is doing around Shenora? The crops are starting to fail even here. Maybe if we knew what fields were best for what plants—”
“Absolutely not,” she snapped, “I refuse to be a simple tool to further your carrier.”
He ran his fingers through his hair. “You haven’t changed, I see. Listen, this isn’t for me. Kemmer need this. The people need this. If you could help with crop rotation, we might be able to last another year. The drought’s only gone on for four— no drought has lasted longer then that. All we need is one— maybe two more years. The palace mages are useless for this stuff, and since you’ve been able to sense things so well…” he trailed off, waiting for her response.
Kerani shook her head. “What then? If others find out I can sense people and emotions I’ll never have peace. Everybody will want me to sit as a shadow in debates, just so they can know what the other person feels. That’s cheating! If you know a person’s weakness like that, you can do who knows what. I won’t go there. You of all people should know that.”
He sighed. “I do know that. I just hoped that you’d see how much this would help everybody. I know how much you hate to see the land dying like this.”
She bit her lip. He was right, she did hate to see the land like this. “If you can find a way to keep this secret, I’ll do it. But I’ve never done that sort of thing. I don’t know how far my powers will go into the land. I can only sense people within twenty feet.”
“But you’ll try?”
Kerani got up and nodded. “But only after you find a way to cover your sources.”
He hugged her again. “Thank you. I promise I’ll find a way to keep this secret.”
She stretched and changed the subject. “Do you know where the women’s bath house is? I have been looking forward to hot water since we left Hurime.”
Hasin smiled. “Check your bathroom. The Emperor thought you’d all be a little travel-weary. He arranged—”
“Hasin?” she cut him off, “you can leave now.”
He laughed and left, closing the door behind him. Kerani walked around the bed to the second door in her room. A tub filled with steaming hot water was waiting for her in the bathroom. Next to it was everything she would need, including a cotton robe, and a plate of fruit. She smiled. The Emperor knew how to make an trip have a worthwhile ending.
She stripped and lowered herself into the water. All she would have to do after this was make sure her belongings were put in her room properly. The rest of the evening would be hers. She tilted her head back and let the past two weeks drift away from her memory.
. But, you should place semicolons instead of periods and commas in the first two sentences. Like this:
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