As the title says, this is an excerpt from my NaNoWriMo novel, and I wanted to get some feedback about it. I edited it a little bit so you would understand a few things that you wouln't know unless you read the beginning of the book.
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We got in his car, and I didn’t say anything. It was a warm night, not too humid and a little breezy. I rolled the window down, letting the warm air flow through my hair. We drove for a while until we were at the public beach. It seemed a little pointless when we had a private beach in our backyard, but I guessed he wanted to just kind of get away, and there wasn’t anyone here. It was too dark.
Nick got out of the car, and I followed him.
He walked out towards the ocean, picked up a rock and skipped it. He watched it spin across the water and then fall to the bottom of the ocean.
I stood back, letting him get whatever might be bothering him out of his system. He dropped down to the ground, and sat there.
I slowly walked over to him. I was really freaked out. I had no idea what could possibly be bothering him this much.
“Hey,” I said softly, and sat down next to him facing his direction. He stared out into the ocean, not saying anything.
“Do you mind?” he asked, taking his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. I shook my head, so he took one out and lit it up. He was careful to blow the smoke in the opposite direction from me.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. It was hard to hear him over the rhythmic sound of the ocean’s waves.
“For what?” I asked. I really had no idea what he was talking about now. I worried if he’d done something really bad today. He didn’t have to work, so I didn’t know what he would have been up to. I became nervous. I'd thought I had gotten to know him well over the past weeks, but it just occurred to me that I didn’t really know him that well, or even what he was capable of.
“I want to tell you, but I don’t want you to think less of me,” he took a drag and blew the smoke away from me. The smell still burned my nostrils a little, but I ignored it. “And you haven’t done your side of the deal.” I remembered the deal he'd made with me. If I found an example of someone who was at peace with their life, then he would tell my why he knew that ghosts didn't exist.
“You mean the peace thing?” I asked, trying to put it together.
“Yeah.” He looked very frustrated.
“You don’t think it’s possible, though,” I added.
“No. I don’t.”
“Then why did you tell me to do it?” I was almost mad, but he looked like he was really upset, so I didn’t tell him.
“Because I didn’t think I would want to tell you. I didn’t think I’d want to tell anyone here about it, but today’s just such a bad day… I just didn’t want to be alone,” he whispered. He didn’t look at me, but I think I saw his eyes water up.
“You can tell me. The bet’s off,” I whispered back edging closer to him. He squeezed his eyes closed, but a couple tears escaped and ran down his cheeks anyway.
“I can’t. It’s horrible.” He shoved the butt of the cigarette into the sand with a surprising amount of force and pulled out the pack to get another one out. His hands were shaking.
“Whoa,” I said softly, putting my hand over the pack. He didn’t fight me as I took it away and put it on the sand on the other side of me. His hands were still shaking.
“Are you alright?” I asked, as he pulled his knees up towards him. He didn’t answer, so I scooted closer to him and hugged him. He didn’t respond, just sat there. I let go of him. I was really worried. Maybe I should call my dad or something. He might be able to help.
“I’m ok,” he told me after a minute in a very scratchy voice. “Today is just the, uh, anniversary of a really bad event for me.” He said in a lower, quieter voice, “I didn’t want to be alone.”
“You’re not,” I said in the most soothing voice I could.
“Thanks,” he said, his voice getting stronger. He lifted his head, wiping his eyes hard. He took a couple deep breaths, and nodded.
“I’m better,” he said, holding out his hands for his cigarettes. I wanted to tell him they aren’t healthy, and that he shouldn’t be smoking anyway, but I figured that could be a lecture for another day.
“Ok,” I said, handing them back to him. He got up, and so did I, brushing the sand off my butt. He did the same as he walked back to his car. I followed close behind, not sure if he was really much better.
We didn’t talk on the way home. When he pulled in, I saw that my dad was still up, and the TV was on. I glanced at the dashboard clock. We’d only been gone for about fifteen minutes.
We both sat in the car, not moving.
“I’m sorry. I probably freaked you out a little,” he said with a tiny smirk.
I didn’t really know how to answer. He still looked distraught, but he was clearly trying to fight it. “It’s alright,” I answered calmly.
I saw the light from the TV go off, and it appeared as though my dad was going up to bed. Nick let out a long breath and I smelt the remaining stench of smoke in the air.
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