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Leopard Lily



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Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 7
Mon Jun 30, 2008 6:04 am
ana_is_a_banana says...



I sit on the little cliff on the edge of the forest, waiting on a breeze to blow my seeds along. I’ve been sitting here for years and years. I am almost six feet high now. Even after all these years sitting here in Point Lobos, I still reminisce back to the days when Albert and Amalina sat beside me. I loved them so very much, and they loved me, and I miss them being by my side. I pass my time by watching the tide go in and out, and in, and out... It’s my only company nowadays: that and my memories. A friendship with the sea is the only friendship that will last forever and ever. Even for me, a simple Leopard Lily, the sea is the best friend that anyone can have, if you know how to interpret its beauty. The days still just pass slowly on, and I remember the story that repeats over and over again in my mind...

It all started with a wolf and a bird. One day I just noticed them, standing, watching, engulfed in the forest behind me. They watched me ever so closely. Then, I took no note of it, but now I remember it as clearly as the hot august sun. They only faded when a young boy came running. He was breathing like a racehorse, and as soon as he reached my small clearing, he collapsed on the rock beside me.

“Hello...” He said with great interest, “a Leopard Lily. That aint too common ‘round these parts.” He buried his face within my petals and took a deep breath. “Mmm... smells betta than a pot o’ hot chocolate in mid-December!” He stopped and put his hands on his head. “Aw, what am I thinkin’? Talkin’ to a plant, like a loon.” I looked at him with great severity. “Don’t tell no one, but I believe plants have minds too. Jus’ like us people.”

Because of my lack of lips, I smiled with my heart. But, nonetheless, I am lacking one of those too...

“Well lil’ one, I’m off. Ma’ll be awful mad if I don’t come home in time fo’ suppa. Maybe someday I’ll come back. Oh, and silly to tell ya, but my name’s Alby...”

I didn’t see him again for years, but I did see Lina. She made her appearance on a smooth April morning. She quickly approached and sat.

“Why, hi there little Leopard Lily. I am Lina. I believe in fairy tales.” She was just like a dream. “Look!” She pointed toward the forest. “A Wolf! And a Bluebird!”

It was the same pair I saw on the day I met Alby. “That’s uncommon. A wolf and a bluebird together. To think.” She fell into deep thought for quite a while.

She snapped out of it with a burst of fear. “Oh no!” She gasped. “I forgot! My mother! She wanted me to meet her at one o’clock! And oh...” She glanced at her watch. “It’s nearly three. Goodbye young one!” She stood and broke out into a run. “I’ll be back someday!”

I waited for many years. Thinking of Alby and Lina was all that passed the time. It wasn’t until their childhood was way passed its prime that they visited me again. It was summertime in Point Lobos when I finally saw the bird and wolf again. The sun was beating down, and a nice cool breeze was creeping up. It was refreshing during the long hot summer. It was then that a wolf appeared out of no where. It was dazed and confused, and I recognized it at once, even without its bird friend. Seconds later the bird flew up. Then I witnessed a phenomenon. They disappeared into thin air, right before my eyes.

After a couple of moments I saw a young man running towards me. He had eyes the color of the sky and hair as brown as a bears back. Alby! I called, as best I could. Of course, since I was nothing but a plant, he didn’t hear me.

From the other direction a young woman came running. She had long blonde hair the color of the rising Easter sun and green eyes that looked like sparkling emeralds in the sunlight. Lina! I called. She stopped dead and for a moment I thought she heard me. But no, she had simply noticed Alby running toward her. She turned crimson red, the color of a cherry.

“I was just following a-a-a bluebird...” She stuttered as he gave her a confused look.

He blushed too, but he was not the deep red color that Lina turned, he was the color of roses on a sweet May morning. “Oh, well I was only followin’ a wolf.” He sounded so steady compared to Lina’s stumbling saccharine voice. His voice was also so different than his swaggering childhood voice. “Hey... hold on. I think I’ve been here before. When I was nothin’ but a young ‘un”

“Hmmm... me-me too. I think. Yes! This is where I saw the bluebird before!” She replied with a blank, airy look.

“Might as well sit and watch the waves a bit.” Alby laughed. “My name’s Albert. An’ yours is?”

“My name’s Amalina.” She sat next to him. “Cookie for short.

Cookie? What’s This? I thought.

“Y’mind if I call ya Lina?” He inquired. “I love your name.”

She blushed like never before. Like the ripest, reddest cherry on any tree. “Sure. I guess. I used to be called Lina when I was a very little girl. Then, one day at school I ate so many cookies that my friends took to calling me Cookie.”

Alby tittered at this. “I used to be called Alby.” He smiled.

It went on for quite a while like this. They talked for hours, until Lina looked at the time, and realized she had to get going. “Well, bye Alby.” She waved, but then stopped and quickly corrected herself. “Oh, sorry, I meant Albert.”

“Oh no, that’s quite alright. You can call me Alby. It’s nice to hear that name again.” He smiled. His smile was so wonderful, it was indescribable. His smile just warmed me up, from my top of my stem, to tips of my roots.

“Well, bye Alby.” She sounded as if she’d been touched by heaven. She strolled off, beaming.
Alby sat for a moment, thinking, and then shouted after her. “Wait! Will ya meet me here tomorra’ at one o’clock?”

Lina looked back, still beaming. “Why, sure!”

From that point on, every free second they had, Alby and Lina would meet in my little clearing. I felt so special, like I was touched by something saintly and fantastic. I got to witness two young people falling in love. Plus, it was the deepest, truest love ever. The strangest part was that this seemed to have something to do with that wolf and bird. It was almost as if they were just the demonstration or image of love. But I was yet to figure that out.

After nearly four years of this meeting, came the very most special day. This was also the fourth appearance of this strange wolf and bird.

It was the month of October, and there was a cool breeze in the wake. The air was humid, and I sensed rain. Alby walked nervously up to me.

“Little Lily, may I please pluck a few of your flowers? Just to make my sweet love a wreath?” He asked me with the greatest respect.

I replied as best I could, thinking yes as loud as I could. I think Alby sensed it, and knew he had my blessing. He began to pick my flowers one by one, and although it was a most painful process, I never regret it. It was greatest gift I could possibly give to my lovely children, my kin. He gently and carefully wove my flowers into garland. Moments after he had finished the garland, Lina appeared like a woodland fairy, a beautiful silver love coat upon her shoulders. It was the most beautiful happening ever.

Alby placed the garland upon Lina’s head and said four simple words: “Will you marry me?”

“Yes” She said, as timid as a mouse. I noticed her eyes drift over to a spot in the forest far beyond me. I followed her gaze, and my eyes met something beautiful. A wolf, with a bird perched on its head. How wondrous, that a bird and a wolf could have that companionship.

Just then the rain came pouring down, and Lina began to laugh. She was just like a small child, jumping in puddles, squealing, the whole time clutching Alby’s hand. Alby just watched her and smiled. It was pure bliss.

On Alby and Lina’s wedding day, they came to me. They each kissed my leaves, and thanked me for my flowers. This was also the first time the wolf and bird came close. They approached Lina and Alby and the wolf sat in front of them. It was almost as if the wolf was giving them his blessing. The bird sat upon the wolf’s head and sung. It was like a fairy tale. It was now that I finally understood what Lina meant that first day, when she said she told me that she believed in fairy tales. And after this, I did too. The garland sat upon Lina’s head, and it stayed there for their whole wedding. Subsequently, it was hung in the bedroom of their new home. After they married, Lina began visiting me more often on her own. She would vent all her feelings to me, and I would absorb them like a sponge. She explained to me over and over the beauty of the wedding, and the beauty of her love for Alby.

Lina was not the only one who visited me alone. Alby often came alone as well. He did not vent his feelings to me like Lina did, however. He would just sit there with me in deep thought. Sometimes he would visit me and he wouldn’t speak the whole time, just watch, listen, and ponder. He was like a mystical creature, hiding its obscurities. It’s almost as if we were talking like crazy, but trapped within some sort of deception, in a place where plants could talk to people, and people could talk to plants, without feeling foolish.

The best times were when they came together, because then I got to be the spectator. They no longer would stare at me and contemplate my being. I was the one who could watch their interactions, and watch them just sit together for hours. It was amazing how they could just be together for hours in silence and still be content. Sometimes they would talk, however. Sometimes they would talk a lot. Often they would just converse for hours, until it seemed as though neither of them were paying attention any more. It was just pure wonder.

Years and years passed of them being in love. They were in love, and always are, and always will be. That is, if you believe in fairy tales and ghosts and that sort of marvel. They grew very, very old together. But as they got older, their love only grew stronger.

One day, on a cold February afternoon, when the wind was blowing and the trees’ leaves were fluttering in the wind. Alby and Lina came to me for their last time. They sat upon the rock beside me, and stared into each other’s eyes. I think Lina knew their lives would be over, because she wore the garland, dried and ancient, upon her head. You could almost see the love soaring between them. They lay back and closed their eyes. A bird and a wolf trotted down through the forest and sat beside me. Lina and Alby were gone. I felt it in the air, like I always felt the rain impending. They lay, settled perfectly upon the rock, holding hands. Lina no longer looked old. You could see the child in her standing out like never before. Alby looked touched by magic. The best part was that they were both smiling, with smiles more great and powerful than anything else. The wolf and bird looked at me with great precision. The wolf curled up by their feet, and the bird perched upon Lina’s head. They faded into thin air. It was amazing and beautiful. I thought of how very much I would miss Alby and Lina, but I knew that they couldn’t live forever.

So this story began with a wolf and a bird, and it ended with one too. It took many years of pondering this thought to finally figure out that they were just figments of Alby and Lina’s imagination, figures of their love for each other. I could only see them because I was a plant that fell in love with two people, and those people fell in love with me. We were all companions for each other, and I almost wish that our existence could last forever. The wolf and bird were just showing that any two animals, or plants, or any creatures, can fall in love. And it is possible to create the greatest love of all not with words, or sentences, but with the mind, and with our own little worlds in our mind’s-eye.

I am getting very old now, and still, I miss Lina and Alby very much. I think of them often, and sometimes I tell my story to the sea. I love to talk to the sea, because the sea doesn’t need words to understand you. It just needs you to love it, and be empowered by it. It needs you to understand it, elucidate it, and not be ruthless. If you do all these things, and you just try to believe in the sea as more than the sea, you can gain one of the best friendships in the world: one that can never end, one with a friend that will never die. The best part about the sea is that you get so dependent on it for life, but it never actually requires you. But you can fall back on it as much as you want, and it will never ever fail to catch you. And I can assure you this, because so many a times I have let go and plunged back, and the sea has never failed to catch me.

So maybe one day, when you are walking along the coast of Point Lobos, and you come across a clearing with a large Leopard Lily almost taking over the venue, don’t pass it by like any other old clearing. Sit there for a bit, and keep me company, and I can tell you a story. I can tell you a story of a girl and boy, falling in love. And I may even let you pick one of my flowers...
Ana
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
  





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71 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 4117
Reviews: 71
Mon Jun 30, 2008 8:37 pm
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Luvzi12 says...



I sit on the little cliff on the edge of the forest


Maybe you were attempting a poetic voice, but I think 'I am sitting' or 'I sat' would be more grammatically correct.

The days still just pass slowly on,


Maybe just 'the days pass slowly on'?

the story that repeats over and over again in my mind


Instead of 'repeats over and over again', maybe just repeats? But this isn't a major issue.

One day I just noticed them


I would get rid of the 'just'.

standing, watching, engulfed


No matter what your english teachers may tell you, the rule of three in fiction is just too wordy! Perhaps get rid of the word 'watching'?

Then, I took no note of it, but now


Grammar: 'Then I took no note of it, but now...' (also, 'note'? Maybe 'notice'?)

Talkin’ to a plant, like a loon


I liked your use of dialect and the fact you introduced the fact the protagonist was a plant through another person's eyes.

Because of my lack of lips, I smiled with my heart. But, nonetheless, I am lacking one of those too...


A good sentence but it is structured with a bit of confusion. Try something like "Without lips and the ability to smile, I smiled with my heart... although I am lacking a heart also, a felt something smile inside, of that I am certain." Or something along those lines.

“My name’s Amalina.” She sat next to him. “Cookie for short.


How is cookie 'for short?' haha, sorry I thought it was funny, maybe you could say that people call her cookie? I just don't see how Cookie is short for Amalina? Lina is short for Amalina, but not Cookie hehe!

I got to witness


Instead, try 'I was able to witness', 'I got to' is not grammatically correct.

Plus, it was the deepest, truest love ever.


The word 'plus' detracts from the romantic sentiments of the piece and is fairly juvenile language, also 'deepest' and 'truest' together is a bit too much. In fact, I would consider removing the whole sentence. The rest is really good and this sentence is not.

The strangest part was that this seemed to have something to do with that wolf and bird. It was almost as if they were just the demonstration or image of love. But I was yet to figure that out.


I think this will ruin the end, perhaps consider removing it? Leave the mystery for the reader.

the very most special day


Remove the word 'very'.

Subsequently, it was hung in the bedroom of their new home

How does the plant know this? Perhaps say that Alby whispered to it one day.

They grew very, very old together. But as they got older, their love only grew stronger.


I would consider getting rid of the multiple 'very's' and remove the full stop and modifying the sentence to: 'They grew old together, their loving only growing stronger with age', or something.


Overall I loved the story and the names, such as Amalina and the Leopard Lily. I thought it was very sweet and had a lot of potential.
  





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1464 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 15394
Reviews: 1464
Tue Jul 01, 2008 8:52 pm
Juniper says...



The dramatic setting of this story with the flower narrating gives an extra romantic touch to this story. The wolf and bird signify a different type of relationship, although i cant pinpoint what it is...

All in all, this story was brilliant...Star for you :)
"I'd steal somebody's purse if I could google it and then download it." -- Firestarter
  








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