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Welcome to Miami: Chapter 4.



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Mon May 12, 2008 9:09 pm
day tripper says...



Wew! Finally! A-ha. I've been working on this for a while now, I had a bit of writers block but I finally sat my butt down and said to myself: "Write it." And I did! I usually have all my chapters planned out, but my mom accidentally threw away Chapter four's plans. But it turned out nice, and I'm happy with it. this chapter is a longer than the others, so I'm sorry that it's so long. But, anyways, Enjoy!

Chapter 4: Boys, Boys, Boys!

“You know what? You’re lucky you’re single.” Carly stated half drunk.

She was swinging her drink wildly, legs crossed, burping every so often. We were at The Midnight Strike, a night club in Miami. I chuckled slightly at her slurred speech and let her continue,

“Here we are in an amazing club with hot guys everywhere and I can’t have my pick of any! But, you can and you’re just sitting here!”

“There’s a reason for that: I’m not a tease!” I laughed, my shoulders bouncing.

My laughing died down and my shoulders came to a halt but, Carly’s face was still plastered with offence. I smiled at her reaction and she just stared daggers into me.

“I was just kidding,” I said, placing a hand on her Abercrombie and Fitch jeans. “But, I’ll be back, okay?”

With that, I hopped of the barstool and made my way into the bustling crowd. I had no intentions on hooking up or dancing with some hot surfer guy. Nor did I want to find someone to be with the whole break. I just wanted to be single, laughing, enjoying my stay in Miami with my friends, feeling free with no worries. “Impossible.” I thought as I squeezed between mindless dancers, trying my best not to spill my drink.

I walked out to the balcony, my margarita tilting as tried to balance out in my cork espadrilles. I leaned my limp elbows on the marble railing, looking out at the neon colored lights and tall palm trees swaying to the midnight breeze. I felt a delicate hand lightly touch the small of my back as I stared off into a city fantasy. I jumped a little from the unexpected touch.

“I’m sorry.” A hushed voice whispered into my ear from behind, their hand on my back, turning me to face them.

“Aaron! God, you scared me!” I smiled, but when I turned to reposition, my margarita slipped off the railing, trailing down and down until finally smashing into pieces on the sidewalk.

I placed a hand over my mouth to try and hide my shocked face, staring wide eyed. I chuckled slightly as I watched the olive roll into the gutter before realizing Aaron was still behind me. I turned around and just started laughing at the stupid mistake I just did.

“Do you always laugh?” Aaron asked blankly, his face expressionless. At that point, mine was as well. I didn’t know whether to take that as an insult or a compliment. “It’s really nice. Like, so many people these days are so… dull. But, you’re always smiling and laughing.” He pushed by me as he explained, looking at the city of Miami like I was prior to him coming over.
I was yet again blank. Aaron Risoni complimented me. I felt a smiled spread across my face, placing my fingers on my lips. I pulled my gaze off the ground and at him. He turned around, smirked, and then walked up to me.

“So, what did happen this morning?” He was so close, I thought I’d faint.

“Um…” I stuttered, “Brad and Carly didn’t explain?” I looked past him shyly, pushing some hair behind my numerously pierced ear.

I felt his presence increase, stepping closer, “Not quite… but I’m anxious to know.” He smiled a little bigger, tilting his head.

“Ugh, basically,” I didn’t know how to say this, “well, they just, um, repositioned us in a more… uh… touching way.” I blushed, remembering this morning. A few moments passed and I couldn’t tear away from his gaze.

He cleared his throat, “Well, let’s keep a look out for them from now on then, eh?” I could tell he didn’t believe what I said. He grinned, then turned and walked back into the steamy club.

______________________________________________________________________

“So tonight was fun!” I smiled, walking to the bed to take off my shoes. Aaron walked past me to his side of the bed and removed his shirt.

“Yeah, though I never realized how many horny girls go to clubs.” Aaron chuckled. Before I could respond, Brad and Carly stumbled through the hotel room door, laughing and giggling the whole time.

“You guys look completely fucked.” I smiled, getting my pajamas from behind my pillow. I walked into the bathroom to take a shower before bed.

After my shower, I climbed into bed thinking everyone was asleep. I turned on my side and gently closed my eyes, “I have an idea for tomorrow.” I jumped when I realized it was Aaron talking to me. I smiled to myself, waiting for him to continue, “I say that we all spend the day on the board walk.” I felt the covers move meaning he was shifting body positions. I turned to look over my shoulder at him,

“Yeah? Okay.” I smiled, and then turned to go to sleep.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Ahhh!” A piercing scream of excitement thrust out of me. The flashing lights and club music added more to the effect. I started laughing as I struggled to move my head to the left.

“Fuckkk.” Carly slurred out as her head was being pressed back. I looked past her to see Brad laughing at Carly as well,

“Hey! Wanna… have… sex?” Brad yelled out jokingly to Carly as we were all being pushed up and down and around and around.

“I can’t move my… fucking… head!” Carly screamed out, laughing. I laughed at this,

“I love you!”

Carly laughed, replying, “I love you, too!” Soon, the swirling and pushing stopped and we all exited the ride: The Gravitation. We were all laughing terribly hard, “Best ride ever!” Carly said while she held her stomach.

“Yeah, I remember that one time we all went on and I looked at you two to find you guy’s upside-down! And when the ride stopped and gravity returned, you guys fell on your heads!” Brad recalled from last summer. Carly and I burst out laughing at the fond memory. I stopped and looked around the crowded Miami boardwalk,

“Hey, you guys seen Aaron?” I asked, brows burrowed.

“Right here!” I turned around and saw Aaron walking up to us with a rubber ducky. “Sorry, ‘got bored of waiting and won a duck. Here, you have it.” Aaron gave me the little ducky.

“Thanks.” I smiled big as I accepted the little rubber toy.

“What ride next?” Carly asked after I thanked Aaron for the prize.

“I don’t know but whatever it is, Aaron’s going to ride this time.” I winked.

“Oh, Jesus.” Aaron laughed, shaking his head. He has passed the last four rides!
“Oh! I know! How about that one water one where you’re in this log and you go down and smash into the water and get soaked!” Carly jumped up and down with excitement.

“Hell-no!” All heads turned to Aaron, “If the first ride I’m riding includes me getting soaked, then hell-no.” He crossed his arms like a little drama queen five year-old.

“Stop being a baby and come on!” Carly grabbed Aaron’s wrist and stomped off towards the ride. I started to follow but then Brad’s voice stopped me,

“What the hell! That’s my girlfriend… where’s the love?” Brad looked at me as if I was supposed to grab his wrist and pull him to make him happy…and I did.

_______________________________________________________________________

“You know those times when you’re in the car and something goes wrong, and you go to grab the handle and you mutter ‘oh, shit!’?” Carly read the text message she just received from me. She hit the ‘reply’ button and said: “Yes, why??” A few minutes later we were seated in our log for the ride and just before we had to give all electronics to the guard, she read: “This is why, turn around.” She gave the guard her phone and turned around and immediately started laughing. I was placed right in Aarons lap, my eyes wide, and muttered, “Oh, shit.” Suddenly, our log jolted and we were headed up the hill and around and about. Laughter poured from me, Brad, and Carly but Aaron said nothing. He was too scared to speak.

“Hey, you guys ready to get wet?” Brad screamed. Aaron, Carly, and I all peered around Brad to see that we were about to fall down a 50 foot drop into a pool of water.

“Yes!” Carly shouted with excitement. Then next thing I knew I was being dropped and splashed. That’s when I realized something, ‘Shit… I’m wearing a white shirt.’


I waited on the bench by the photo booth as Brad and Carly ran off to get the photo from our ride. I shivered, realizing now that the sun was setting and it was getting cooler, especially with the ocean’s breeze and a wet shirt. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around.

“Here, wear this.” I looked up and saw Aaron smiling down at me, handing me his big brown coat. I thanked him and slipped the warm coat around my arms. His coat smelled of nice cologne, intoxicating.

“Do you wear cologne?” I asked as he sat down next to me, his hair dripping water. He smiled at me curiously before replying,

“No. Why? Does my coat smell like I do?”

“Yes. I’m usually really good at pointing out which cologne is which, but this is very hard. Now I know why.” I smiled, crossing my arms for body heat.

“Oh, so you’re telling me I smell good, now?” He smirked, leaning his elbows on his knees, hunched forward.

“Pssh, you wish.” I covered up the truth. I heard him chuckle, but before he could respond, Carly raced over with Brad to show the picture. It was truly hilarious. Brad, who was in the front, had his arms spread out like a bird and was doing a big cheesy smile, Carly was laughing uncontrollably looking at me, I was screaming and smiling at the same time, and Aaron had his eyes squinted and arms stretched out tight to keep him from going forward. “Wow, this is a keeper.” I showed it to Aaron as I commented.

“You’re not seriously keeping this, are you?” he asked me.

“I paid for it, so why not.” I slipped the photo in my bag, “Don’t worry; I’ll copy it for you.”

“Hey, you two, come on!” I looked up to see Carly beckoning for us to fallow. I trotted up to where her and Brad stood in line. “Are you going on this one?”

“Nah, I’m going to go play some games or something. It’s starting to get dark anyways so I might head back to the hotel soon.”

“Okay, bye!” Carly waved. I walked off, but before doing so I went up to Aaron to hand his coat back.

“No, keep it until you get back to the hotel. You need it more than I do.” He shrugged.

“Thanks.” I smiled and then said goodbye.

I walked around, not knowing what to do. I had about 18 dollars in my back pocket. I scolded myself for not bringing enough money with me. I walked inside a shop and decided to look at piercings.

“Excuse me, how much to get a piercing?” I asked the woman sitting behind the counter reading a magazine.

“10 dollars for any ear piercings, 15 for body piercings.” She muttered, not even looking up at me. I thought about it for a long time before asking,

“Will you be open tomorrow?”

“Nope. Only today and Wednesday.” She continued to look through the magazine. I exited the shop and continued my walk. After about twenty minutes of nothing, I headed back for the hotel.

Once in the hotel room, I took off Aarons coat and placed it on his side of the bed. I then went and got changed into a bathing suit. It was only 10:40 P.M. and the pool closes at 11:30. I slipped on a pair of shorts, a spaghetti strap shirt, and flip flops before heading out to the pool. After a long, confused, lost walk I finally found the pool. It was empty; the only person there was the lifeguard who talked on the phone like no big deal. After I removed my shirt and shorts, I realized how cold the water would be with the summer night’s breeze. I dipped my feet in and instantly shuttered. I sat like that for a long time, thinking. I kicked my feet around some more as they got used to the water’s coldness. I looked around and noticed that the only lighting was from the glass wall behind me and the neon lights of the Miami buildings. I got up and decided that it would be too cold for a swim, but I wanted to stay here and think. I started to walk away from the ledge when I saw Aaron coming at me at full speed.

“Oh, no!” I screamed as I tried to run, but Aaron grabbed me by the waist and took me in the water with him. My body was in complete shock. The water was so cold. I opened my eyes and swam to the water’s surface. “What the hell!” I screamed, splashing water onto Aaron who was laughing uncontrollably.

“I’m sorry.” He stopped to laugh, “I called your cell phone like a million times, but you never answered. So I went back to the hotel room and saw my coat, your phone, and your clothes from today on the bed and so I went and looked for you around the hotel shops, but then I saw you on the ledge, and when you stood up-” He started to laugh again. I made sure he could see the anger in my eyes as I tried to keep myself from going
under. “I’m sorry. Really, it was just the perfect timing.” He smiled.

“Ugh, I forgive you. I guess it helped anyways because I’m not cold anymore.” I swam to a side so I could hold myself up. I looked up at the lifeguard and noticed he was still on the phone.

“What are you doing out here, anyways?” He asked as he swam to me. He was so cute with his hair wet and tangled. His eyes shimmered in the light from the buildings and moon, and his smile was to the side of his face. He removed his shirt and shoes and threw them to the pools edge.

“Nothing. I was going to go lay down but now I guess that’s out of the question.” I smirked, and then I swam away on my back, looking up at the night’s stars.

“Half an hour left, kids.” The lifeguard called out, then continued to chat on the phone. I glanced at the lifeguard, and then back at Aaron who had his arms crossed over the ledge and was looking out at the city of Miami. I swam up to him and did the same.

“Pretty, isn’t it?” I asked, kicking my feet in the water. He looked at me as I continued to look out at the city.

“Mmm-hmm.” He hummed, smiling at me. I looked up at him,

“What are you looking at?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Nothin’.” He replied, pushing off the ledge, diving down beneath the water’s surface.

“You know, we go back in four days. Are you ready?” I asked, hauling myself up on the ledge as he stayed in the water.

“Not one bit.” He smiled at me, then grabbed my legs and pulled me back in the water.
A little less inhuman.
A little more brutal.
Let the blood be your drug.
  





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Tue May 13, 2008 8:48 am
budding writer says...



this was definetely better than the other chapters. looks like you have a hold of things now. ussualy my case is that i do welll in the first chapter and as i go towards the end it gets 'stinky'. everything was great.

one thing, aaron seems to be getting a bolder personality. this is developing a character. but i am sure a character does not start to develope its personality only days after they are introduced.

second, you did a perfect job on the romantic bit. a biut more could have been added but like they are just introduced to each other dso its still okay.

just look out for these. :D
please tell me when the next chapter is coming out. i have become a fan. otherwise i will be sad :cry:
## My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations ##
  





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Sun May 18, 2008 9:17 pm
nilou-and-amani says...



Amzing!
Only i think that you should have given Aaron more time to open up. It's nicer when the audience see the characters slowly evolve.
Also, i have said this many time an di'll say it again! READ OVER your chapter before submitting it! You will be suprised at how many silly mistakes you have made!
PM me when the next chapters come out!

Nilou
"Security is mortal's chiefest enemy"- William Shakespeare
  





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Thu Sep 04, 2008 3:09 am
JC says...



Carly stated half drunk.

Add a comma after "half".

We were at The Midnight Strike, a night club in Miami.

Now, I know it's been done before, but would you mind explaining how they got into the club in the first place, they're underage, remember?

Second, when most teenagers of their age, it's more fun (and easier), to just go into a store and buy/steal something and drink it on the beach. That might be more realistic. By the way, all of my comments are purely for literature, I don't suggest you try this at home :b

Abercrombie and Fitch jeans

Unnecessary for the moment. Who cares what brand her pants are? They're jeans.

I chuckled slightly as I watched the olive roll into the gutter before realizing Aaron was still behind me

Earlier you said this was a margarita, and normally I don't encourage underage people to go studying alcohol, but in the name of literature, I guess I am. The drink with the olive is called a martini and it's made out of vodka or more commonly, gin and mixed with some kind of vermouth; a margarita is a sweeter drink made out of tequila, lemon or lime juice and some other stuff, traditionally. It's the one with salt around the edge of the glass. If you're going to have a lot of drinking in your story, look it up first.

He has passed the last four rides!

You switched tenses for a split second!
____________________________________

I love how the character of Aaron is turning out. His development is really well done. However, it still doesn't sound much like a vacation with friends if they keep leaving each other. And how many cars are there, by the way. Little things like this can make a story more believable. Also, let us know if where they are is within walking distance of their hotel.

The romance in here is just perfect for the time limit, and the past and everything like that, but your dialogue seems to lack spark and personality at times. It's like you're saying what you want to say and not letting the characters take hold of their own destinies. It'll get easier over time, but sometimes when you write, it's better to let go and just go with it.

And don't feel like you have to apologize for long chapters! It's encouraged :D

Keep up the good work!!!
-JC
(PM for Q's)
But that is not the question. Why we are here, that is the question. And we are blessed in this, that we happen to know the answer. Yes, in this immense confusion one thing alone is clear. We are waiting for Godot to come. -Beckett
  





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Fri Oct 17, 2008 9:08 pm
Merry_Haven says...



day tripper-
So I started reading this and from the first paragraph {of chapter 1} I was totally hooked! I seriously can't get enough of this story. It's so hilarious! :D When I started reading this, I was all like...Man, this really made my day.
The dialogue is so real and I laugh every time. Reminds me of my life...
I do have a question, what state are they in? What grade or are they in college, 'cause they went to a nightclub. Aren't clubs for adults 21+?
Well, I got to go back to reading WTM....'cause I seriously can't get enough of this story!
-Merry
Mary had a little lamb. Little lamb. Little lamb!

Ugh!! I really hate my name. >.<
  





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Fri Oct 17, 2008 9:44 pm
day tripper says...



there are young adult clubs, with no alcohal. but I still have to rewrite like 3948098234 of this.
hahaha
A little less inhuman.
A little more brutal.
Let the blood be your drug.
  








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