I liked this, but there were a few grammar mistakes that I don't have time to point out right now. You might find them yourself. I really like this story though. I think that it's as good as DoaV (very good!) in it's own way. I like DoaV better because it's more of an action story, but this is good too.
One thing I noticed, however, is that the girl's attitude seemed to change. Maybe not, though... I don't know...
"Sandra shook her head. She did have other things at the orphanage, but they would only arrive if at the end of the week she didn’t want out. It was the deal she had made with the director. It would be their little secret that she’d tied him to a chair and threatened to shave off his moustache to get him to agree. "
Ain't she sweet?
Having fun writing it, I can tell, it really shines through. I'm enjoying it, even if she isn't (to tell the truth I would be a little worried if everything was beige).
"Stella. You were in my dream the other night. And everyone called you Princess." -Lauren2010
This was interesting. I think that I might like Sandra better from the viewpoint of an outside character like Johnny. Or maybe it's just that Johnny was so much fun. Is he coming back? Or was he just a one-time tool to introduce other characters and we'll never see him again? He was a great character.
Sandra seems a little mollified or strange here. She sort of brings a sense of sullen teenager, rather than the mischievous little innocent monster that she was in the first chapter. I really don't know how to describe the impression she gave me in the first chapter, but here, she seems different. I don't know how to explain it, which bums me because I don't like the change.
But either way, this chapter was pretty good. I didn't like it as much as the first, but it was still an intriguing read. The first paragraph was again a little hard to work through, but not nearly as bad as a few earlier ones.
Hmm, you're right about her personality methinks. I actually wrote different versions of this and at some point joined them into one--which was interesting when I realized I had changed her name between versions and had to do a 'replace' in the whole text. Similarly, depending on where I started, her personality ws slightly altered.
Hmmm. I know why I had her be less mischievous--she's been bumping from one home to another for so long she's kind of desperate for a family, no matter what she lets on. She is very...resigned in this part. =P Like she's just giving up on fighting back. The more I think about it the less I like her turning towards the more dark personality, just because I notice that I tend to get annoyed with my moody and angry characters.
I will think on it and come up with a solution! (Ho boy, I already know I'm going to rewrite this...again. =P) I might not continue for a while though, DoaV needs my love and attention. *huggles her novel*
I'm like that song stuck in your head; I come and I go, but never truly dissapear.
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