*bows* Thanks for reading. It's been fun.
^_^ Keek out!
“Mommy!”
The child whimpered, knowing her mother was dead.
It was a clear night and the moon was full, casting a dim white light over the city, reveling the horror for the child to see.
Bodies lay scattered about the streets, the sickening smell of blood perfuming the air.
There wasn’t anyone who’d survived at all.
The boy heard a scream, followed by a series of crashes.
Too young to understand, he saw only that the reaper was cloaked in darkness, holding a glowing blue light in her hands to lead the spirits of the dead away to the afterlife.
It loomed out of the darkness, seeming to stalk after the reaper, as I to make sure she only took the dead.
Terrified, the boy screamed as he saw the monster coming much faster now; it’s teeth glistening hungrily.
She told herself she would let Bear handle the boy later, when she was done her work; but she knew it was a lie.
The black demon had cut into his mother with his knife-like claws, and she’d fallen to the ground, crimson life spilling [s]unto[/s] onto the paved street.
But his small legs could only carry him so fast and his small lungs could only take in so much air.
I love you," his mother [s]has[/s] had said, [no comma] before leaving him hidden in the attic.
He wiped his eyes; he had to make it.
Everyone knew about the reaper, [period instead] she followed after devastation and disaster; [comma instead] easing the passing of those so suddenly ripped from life. The being was both frightening and beautiful; [comma instead] gliding down the street as she called to the spirits in a soft language he did no know. They came. The child watched with wide [s]eyed[/s] eyes as wisps of blue light seemed to flow from the dead, twisting and curling around the soul collector before becoming a part of the light in her hands.
And then he saw the demon. It loomed out of the darkness, seeming to stalk after the reaper, as if to make sure she only took the dead. And the boy knew the bear had seen him.
Seeing this glitter of hope in the boy’s eyes, the demon growled. Terrified, the boy screamed as he saw the monster coming much faster now, it’s teeth glistening hungrily.
He cried and screamed and fought, but was still when a gentle hand rested upon his head.
It had already been seven months, yet she was still a sap [a bit modern of a term, yes? Try fool or dolt or other word]. She told herself she would let Bear handle the boy later, when she was done with her work.
But deep down, she knew she just couldn’t stand the screaming.
Actually, I really enjoyed this piece. A couple issues I think would be easy to clear up.
I very much liked your surprise with Yazra. You did a fantastic job there.
The interesting thing about being a henchman, [no comma] is when realize you’re not but that you might be the only one who noticed.
The interesting thing about being a henchman is when realizing you're not, but that you might be the only one [i]who noticed[/u]. I don't understand the underlined part at the end.Though, don’t get me wrong;
I’m the invisible being that handles all the little things Bundy is too busy to notice [s]need doing[/s] and that Demon doesn’t give a damn about.
You don’t even need to ask, [use a dash here] I’m going to tell you why. Just know that you haven’t missed anything: this is the beginning. Before today, I was still in transition; now I have arrived.
My father had drilled instincts into me I no longer wanted; [comma instead] instincts that told me to approach life the way my father had.
The day I turned fifteen, things started going wrong. It started off small; [use a dash instead] being mistaken for a thief...
being called aside for questioning [s]for[/s] by [?] looking ‘suspicious’ by town guard; [triple dots?] small things.
LolIt was easy for me to get into those situations, [no comma before b/c--it's not a conjunction] because my mother had dulled my senses against the dark.
A tavern full of shady characters seemed just [s]to[/s] the same as any other tavern;
I’d find myself hungry, and as I passed the food seller’s stall, I’d snag an apple
started to see connections between the things happening around me, [no comma] and my actions.
It was no longer that I ended up in the middle of trouble; [maybe...period? Two semis in a row is a bit awkward to me] now I was the one inadvertently helping trouble along.
Then, [?] suddenly, he was stumbling back and falling into his chair— [comma instead] dead.
I wasn’t even ashamed: [use a dash] I didn’t regret it at all.
I saved him, and in allowing him to torment the man who’s attacked him ensured the poor man would be too out of is mind to save himself for the beasts of the forest.
It's a bit confusing and I can't think of a way to help rewrite. 
Then I did it again; [colon?]I killed a king’s soldier as he tried to kill Bear— [comma instead] knowing full well at the time Bear was a vicious bloodthirsty man-killer.
Not fear, not relief, not anger, or sadness, or joy.
The [s]spell[/s] smell of herbs and potions filled her nose, making her feel nostalgic.
Maybe start chapter 2 with this Part 2? It's not too far off, but...well, maybe it's fine how it is. 
I'll be critiquing on the comp instead of at school (:shock: I know!) so tell me which critique is better. The one for part 2 earlier was done at school, this one is on the comp. PM me which you prefer. I'm gonna take a poll as I go around. Lol!
The man sat on the slanted church roof—having long since given up on standing.
The rain had been falling since the night before, and there wasn’t a surface in the city that wasn’t slick with water
[s]He [/s] The man [or another name] cried out, nearly jumping out of his skin.
A small hand shot out--steadying him before he lost his grip on the stone and fell to his death.
The man turned, seeing the hand belonged to a young woman.
Her eyes were a bright green, like young leaves—he’d expected her to be a man.
...and he’d nearly said the [s]witches[/s] witch's name aloud where anyone could hear!
She wasn’t one to be trifled with, the quiet ones never were.
The young woman pushed a bag into his hand and left the confession box. By the time he stumbled out after her she was gone. He sighed, hoping he never ran into the one who wanted anything to do with the Dissection Witch.
Also, the underlined part seemed to run-on for ages, lol.There she had learned an art that was [s]here[/s] forbidden here, so she had turned to the dark side.
Sometimes she returned them—sometimes she did not.
A man who could place his hand into a flame and not be hurt would came back short the same hand, a woman who said she could hear voices that told her of danger came back without her ears.
I think that comma in the middle threw me off and can be deleted. Or maybe it's short the same hand that threw me off...I don't know. These gifts were rare and supposedly products of a mixing of bloodlines and inheritance.
“The Gorhen Mountain?” Bundy asked as he inspected one of his many spell stones.
...could master the art of sealing a spell into an object to permit others to use them.
“You’re not going. [comma instead] ” Bundy interrupted, his rough voice surprisingly severe and cutting.
Mind the shop while I’m gone, [period instead]” [s]he[/s] He put away the stone then and swept through the door to the brewing room.
“Ok, sure. [comma instead] ” Yazra said to herself...
The light slowly moved down the beach [s]slowly[/s]...
Then suddenly it vanished, disappearing entirely—leaving the newly risen starts to shine brightest through the moonless night.
The water [s]here[/s] was three times as tall as a man and hid dangerous undercurrents.
...she reached the narrow gap twenty meters along the wall.
It was thin, and only someone thin could enter by turning themselves sideways.
...the water swelled up to her knees—allowing her feet to rest on the small, submerged shelf that ran along most of the cliff.
Someone, an Earth Walker, had probably made the cave and the shelf, though for what purpose Yazra could only guess.
And even then, the only one you could find with any certainty was yourself.
...she could feel the air thick with the spirits' agitation.
She felt along the rock in the utter darkness and found the spell stone.
Suddenly small rocks along the wall began to glow, lighting the way. Instantly the atmosphere changed,
She knew the way by heart now, and though she had to make a series of seven different turns, she knew she wouldn’t get lost.
Not one soul was any different than another—man or woman, child [s]of[/s] or geezer [a bit modern of term?], [use another dash] they all had the same ethereal form; [comma instead] constantly shifting between semi-human shapes and that of just strands of glowing blue mist.
They were poor damned souls now—trapped in a jar and condemned to being tools of a wizards plan—but they seemed as content to have her company as she was to give it.
If these men honestly thought they’d be able to catch him, they were sadly mistaken.
The cold metal cooled the blood in her veins, sending a coolness through up her arm.
You could use freezing or any other word you can think of, as long as you understand it's repetition. ^_^
Pick one word or the other. I think after you take care of the repetition, you'll know what to do, though.
If you think you can fit it with your plan for the story, then go for it. If there's something more important you need to use in place of it, then so be it.
You do very well writing this and completely grabbed my attention. I'm glad I stopped by this when I did. Back on topic (:lol:), I think it is quite choppy, but some authors do that, switch from one PoV to another. Here, I think it would be nice to at least know how she gets from one place to another. (If you did that, then that's a my bad, sorry. ^^;)
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