Young Writers Society

Well, as the title says, this is a possible script for a comic I've been too lazy to get drawing. It's an action comic about demons and stuff.

One thing before we begin. Names in lowercase (but beginning with a capital) are minor characters whose names are irrelevant, and any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Same goes for major characters (as well as semi-major recurring characters), except their names will be in all caps.

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The middle of a desert, empty other than a few boulders here and there and a massive expanse of sand. Two robed figures have been trudging through the dirt for at least a few hours. On closer inspection, the figures are in fact a pair of angels whom, to avoid confusion, we shall call Gregory and Elizabeth.

Gregory: It's around here somewhere... I'm sure of it.
Elizabeth: I can feel something, and whatever it is has the most powerful magical aura I've ever felt.

The duo begin to scrabble around in the sand beneath their feet. After a few minutes, Elizabeth cries out in excitement and holds something up in the air. As Gregory inspects it in awe, we get a closer look: it appears to be a slightly indigo crystal orb, but there is something sparking in the middle of it.

Before the angels can celebrate too much, arrows begin to hit the ground around their feet. The arrowheads are a crimson colour and seem to be smoking slightly. The angels look up to see the source of the arrows, a troupe of three demons: Wilbur, Maddison, and the leader Adrian.

Adrian: So you've found it. Our Master needs that orb... so please, do yourselves a favour and give it to us willingly. We don't want to have to hurt you.
Maddison: What? Of course we do!
Adrian: ... Yeah, you're right.

The demons charge at Gregory and Elizabeth. What follows is a fight between the two groups, and it's no contest: the angels thrash the demons, who are all vaporised.

Elizabeth: More will show themselves. We should leave now.
INFRA (off-panel): Hold on a minute...

The angels turn back to where the demons appeared from. A small figure (INFRA) can be seen, but it is engulfed in shadow. Only its eyes pierce the darkness, one white, one red.

Gregory: Who's there?
INFRA: My name doesn't matter. But I need the orb for my Master too.
Elizabeth (to Gregory): He's a demon...his aura gives him away.
Gregory: Yes, I felt it too. (to INFRA) Demon! If you really want this orb, then come and take it!
INFRA: ... All right.

INFRA charges towards the angels. Gregory draws his sword and prepares to behead INFRA, but as he slashes INFRA drops and rolls along the ground, before leaping to his feet and hurling a pair of fireballs into Gregory's back. Gregory shouts in pain as he sizzles into vapour. Meanwhile, Elizabeth has an arrow in her bow and a finger on the string.

Elizabeth: It... controls fire?

INFRA takes advantage of her shock to turn to her and begin sending fireballs in her direction. Elizabeth manages to dodge the barrage and fires her own arrows back. INFRA, continually advancing on Elizabeth, either dodges or deflects her projectiles. Finally, he catches one, lights it on fire, appears right in front of Elizabeth and plants the arrow in her belly. Elizabeth shrieks as she burns for a second before becoming vapour as well. INFRA walks over to where Elizabeth dropped the orb, picks it up and "absorbs" it into his skin. He then stares at the ground for a few seconds, causing a large hole to appear, the middle of which seems to be a swirl of red and black. INFRA jumps straight in.


A chamber whose walls, floor and ceiling are of red rock... it could be mistaken for a cave inside a volcano. It is lit by small fires that sit in various corners of the room. A tunnel leads out of the room, and opposite the tunnel is what appears to be a large hole, the inside of which is pitch-black. INFRA enters the chamber; in the light we can see his body is entirely red and white, with a zigzag running down his middle, and that he has no visible nose, mouth or digits. He steps up to the hole.

INFRA: Master LUKE, I have returned successful.

INFRA "pulls" the orb from his body and holds it up to the hole. A pair of horrible glowing eyes appear within the hole (those of LUKE). The pupils and irises are black, with pure red scieras (you know, that bit of the eye that's usually white).

LUKE: Perfect, INFRA.
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That's all for now. Don't worry (as if you were), this isn't all of it, obviously. I'll keep adding to it as I go. Enjoy!

-Mattster

This was a really good start. I take it the shadowed figure, the demon and infra are all the same? If so, use INFRA the whole time. I can see that you was trying to disguise that it was a demon and such but it's less confusing if you call the character INFRA from the start. Also, if that's LUKE speaking at the end then use LUKE. Other than that, some nice, detailed stage directions and I shall certainly read more.

Thanks Kitty. I was thinking I should use the same name all the time, I'll edit that now.

Also, what are stage directions? =)

Lol. Stage directions are basically where the script writor tells the actors how to move, where to stand, what to wear and such. Basically, it's where you've described the action; your sections of prose. Some scripts are dialogue heavy and I was just pleased to find that you set the scene well and made it easy for someone reading the script to visualise everything. Hope that made a little sense...

Kitty: Ah, I see what you mean. Mmm, I'm not sure how that sort of thing might work with a comic strip, but I'll see if I can figure something out.

Meanwhile, here's the next bit.

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The snowy peak of a rugged mountain. INFRA trudges up the mountain, the snow steaming and melting as his flaming-hot skin digs through. He hasn't yet realised that another group of angels, consisting of Farrah, James and ULTRA, are already here.

ULTRA: James... is - is this it?

ULTRA holds up an orb similar to INFRA's but with a blue tinge. James and Farrah stare at it for a second.

James: That's it. Well done, ULTRA. Now we should head back before we're -

James is cut off by a streak of flame that burns his leg. The angels turn to where INFRA is standing.

ULTRA: INFRA?
Farrah: You know that thing?
ULTRA: Why are you attacking us? You're not... are you?
INFRA: Working for the Underworld? Yes, I am. Now hand me the orb.
ULTRA: I will not, INFRA.
INFRA: ... Shame.

INFRA leaps at the orb in ULTRA's hand. Farrah and James begin firing glowing arrows at INFRA, who has tackled ULTRA to the ground. However, INFRA is thrown into the air by ULTRA's attack: a flurry of waterbombs.

ULTRA: Apparently, water still trumps fire, brother.
INFRA (recovering): Don't call me that!

INFRA throws fireballs to his left and right, destroying Farrah's and James' bows, and lunges at ULTRA again. ULTRA is ready and creates a bubble-like shield around himself, causing INFRA to bounce off. James aims a punch at INFRA but INFRA grabs his arm and throws him off the edge of the mountain peak; Farrah, who has wings, flies down to rescue him. INFRA gets up to look at ULTRA, who removes the shield.

ULTRA: Care to admit defeat yet, brother?
INFRA: I am not your brother! You're an angel and I'm a demon! No true demon is related to an angel! It's impossible!
ULTRA: Maybe it is, but it's also true. Tell me, INFRA, why do you want to be a true demon?
INFRA: I don't "wanna be"! I am a true demon, and I'll prove it!

INFRA takes advantage of ULTRA's unshielded state to hurl a wall of fireballs at him. ULTRA is blown back and drops the orb, which bounces away into the snow. INFRA covers his body in flame and tackles ULTRA once again, this time badly scorching him. INFRA proceeds to pummel ULTRA until ULTRA is immobile, stretched out on the ground, bloodied lip, etc. INFRA stands above him.

INFRA: You call that brotherly behaviour?
ULTRA: *cough* Go on... kill me then...
INFRA: Why? I have the orb. I win.

With that, INFRA picks up the orb, absorbs it, and just as Farrah and James return, he opens a portal to the underworld and dives in. Farrah and James rush over to ULTRA, Farrah picks him up as James stares at the sky. A bright yellow light shines down on the trio; seconds later they vanish.


Another part of the underworld. Similar to LUKE's chamber, this room is much larger and appears to be a "balcony" of sorts; over a rocky wall nearby, more of the underworld can be seen. As INFRA enters from one end, a massive three-headed hound (Cerberus) lying at the other end lifts one of its heads.

Cerberus: Who is it?
INFRA: It's me, INFRA. I have another orb for Master LUKE.
Cerberus: Hand it to me.

A little confused that he isn't handing over the orb in person, INFRA complies.

INFRA: May I speak with Master LUKE?
Cerberus: I'm afraid that isn't possible. See, while you were taking your time with this orb, another capable being went and picked up a yellow one in half the time.
INFRA: Well, good. That makes Master LUKE's mission all the easier with two of us.
Cerberus: That's the issue. Master LUKE only wants one agent hunting orbs for him. You've been replaced, INFRA.

INFRA stands still in shock for a moment before turning and leaving the chamber.
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Another intermission here. Popcorn and drinks can be purchased from the candy bar out front. =)

Minor edit: Thanks for that Kitty, good call. =)

Some good conflict in this section and I like the fight between ULTRA and INFRA. Just one suggestion -

He hasn't yet realised that another group of angels, consisting of Farrah, James and ULTRA. [You need to either add 'have arrived' to the end of this section or change it to 'He hasn't yet realised that there's another group....']

Back once again.

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At the base of the mountain that INFRA and ULTRA fought on, INFRA sits on a rock.

INFRA: Replaced? Replaced for some second-rater who just happened to find an ancient orb? I don't believe this...

INFRA ponders for a while.

INFRA (thinking): Ancient orb, huh? Yeah. Keep the rest for myself, that'll throw a monkey wrench into LUKE's big plans.

INFRA gets to his feet, a new confidence in his voice.

INFRA: I hope you hear this, LUKE, because I won't stop to repeat myself! I will bring down your all-important quest, and you will wish you had never replaced me with some rookie loser!

INFRA leaps off the rock and stands still for a second, trying to sense the right direction to travel in. After a few seconds, he moves quickly off-panel.


We next see INFRA entering what seems to be an old rundown village; it's evident that no one has lived here for decades. As INFRA homes in on the orb's location, he realises it's moving toward him. Seconds later, ULTRA emerges from a ramshackled old hut clutching a red orb. He notices INFRA, and the two stare at each other for several seconds. Finally ULTRA draws his staff and speaks.

ULTRA: I'd stay back if I were you, INFRA. I'm not going to lose again.

INFRA remains in thought for a moment before answering.

INFRA: Nah... you take that one. I've got a bone to pick with someone...

And with that, INFRA leaves ULTRA looking completely baffled.


Later, INFRA has located another orb in a small patch of parkland, on the distant outskirts of a large futuristic-looking city. He stands looking at the ground for a few seconds, then moves away and ducks behind a tree.

INFRA (thinking): ULTRA would still be delivering that red orb, which means the next being to find this one will probably be...

INFRA is right, as a dark figure (ABHOR) floats towards the orb's location. It hovers for a second, then raises its weapon, a scythe, and plunges it into the ground. There is a small explosion and clumps of soil fly into the air. As ABHOR reaches to pick up the glowing orange object from inside the hole, a flash of fire burns his hand and he retracts it quickly. He looks up to see INFRA.

INFRA: Don't tell me... I've been replaced by a Reaper?
ABHOR: Ah, so you're the bleeding heart that Master LUKE had to reject.
INFRA: Bleeding heart? What's that supposed to mean?
ABHOR: I suggest you talk to Master LUKE, as my assignment doesn't involve explaining anything to you. Now desist, I'm busy.

ABHOR goes to take the orb again, but INFRA attacks him with a firepunch to the "stomach" area. As ABHOR drops to the ground, INFRA stands over him.

INFRA: Tell me what this "bleeding heart" stuff is all about.

ABHOR responds with a slash at INFRA. As INFRA dodges the attack, he notices the scythe's blade is glowing slightly green.

ABHOR: Don't get in my way, demon... you don't want Abhor as an enemy.
INFRA: I don't want him as an ally either. So what?

INFRA and ABHOR proceed to fight. Meanwhile, ULTRA appears in the city nearby, senses the location of the orb and notices the brawl. However, neither INFRA nor ABHOR have landed a hit on the other. Finally INFRA, narrowly missing ABHOR himself, instead sets alight his cloak, sending ABHOR into fits of panic and branding him "comic relief" for the rest of the series. In his frantic state, it's much easier for INFRA to attack him, and so he is brought to the ground as INFRA kicks his scythe away.

ABHOR: My cloak!
INFRA: Tell me the truth. Why was I replaced?
ABHOR: Get off me!

INFRA fire-punches ABHOR in the face.

INFRA: I won't hesitate to kill you if I don't hear what I want to know. Now say it.
LUKE's voice: That won't be necessary, INFRA.

A portal to the underworld opens in front of INFRA, and LUKE's eyes appear inside.

LUKE: You've certainly made progress, INFRA, but I'll need you to refrain from killing ABHOR.
INFRA: I'll do no such thing. Why was I rejected?
LUKE: It isn't important now. Come and work for me again, and when my quest is complete you'll be my right-hand man.
ULTRA: INFRA, don't!

INFRA turns to see ULTRA standing behind him.

ULTRA: Come on, INFRA... It was nasty seeing you so brutal before.
LUKE: Ignore him! Toss the orb to me and you can join us again!
ULTRA: INFRA, brother, you don't belong with them.
LUKE: You winged freak! He's a demon! Where else could he belong? Come now, INFRA. Do it.

After some thought, INFRA picks up the orb. ULTRA sighs in disappointment before gasping in surprise, as INFRA absorbs the orb.

INFRA: Go back to the world that shunned me when I got the job done? I think not.
ULTRA (grinning): Good call, brother. Shall we go?
INFRA: Mm-hmm... lead the way.
LUKE: So I am the one rejected this time... So be it! If you don't join me by choice, you will join me by force!

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To be continued... Oooooooooooooooooooooo.

Hmmm. They don't seem to have much trouble finding the orbs and I take it these are valuable items? How do they locate them so easily and if they are valuable and easy to find, shouldn't there be loads of people searching for them and fighting over them rather than just two groups?

It's good though. I like that the two brothers are working together now.

Good question. I'll explain a little about the orbs.

The orbs are actually storage devices for massive amounts of supernatural energy. They can be filled with energy either by receiving it from a being who possesses such energy (which is quicker) or by gradually generating energy if it is left alone for long enough.

The orbs are actually centuries old and were created by a wizard for the very purpose of storing energy. There are seven in total (although until a later story arc, only six are known). Very few people knew about them back then and it remains the same in the present; Luke has only learned of them recently by having his minions read St Peter's book (which details the history of everyone and everything).

The reason they are so easily found is that only supernatural beings such as angels and demons, can "sense" their presence, and these beings normally don't travel to the mortal realm. The humans that live near them, obviously, are oblivious to them.

The reason Luke is after them will be revealed in due course; the reason the angels want them is simply to prevent Luke from succeeding, and of course Infra now shares their sentiment.

And now we return to the story.
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AS INFRA and ULTRA turn to leave, ABHOR collects his scythe and glides into LUKE's portal. No sooner has he vanished than hundreds of bat-like creatures (Wavers) fly out and begin attacking the duo.

LUKE: I'll be waiting, INFRA...

The portal closes. INFRA begins throwing fireballs at all the Wavers in front of him, but is ambushed from behind by a group who begin biting him. Other Wavers take the opportunity and attack, and soon INFRA is engulfed in Wavers. ULTRA tries to reach INFRA but is swamped by Wavers. Finally one Waver bites INFRA a little too hard, and INFRA shouts in pain as his body seems to become flame for an instant, burning away all the Wavers nearby him. As he stands in shock wondering what has just happened, ULTRA blows away the remaining Wavers, which were heading towards INFRA.

ULTRA: ... Are - you ok?
INFRA: What? Yeah - yeah. Let's go, before Luke comes back.

INFRA and ULTRA head into the city.
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A bit shorter this time. Oh well.

Cool. Now you just have to fit all of that into the script without info dumping

Mmm indeed. I think an abridged version will be in a later story arc. XD

EDIT: Moar! (I edited the last bit slightly, as I remembered Infra needs to hold on to that orb for future events.)

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A dark T-intersection... this is New Sydney (yeah yeah, real original) at night. INFRA and ULTRA walk quietly through it, not wanting to call attention to themselves as they walk toward the "split" of the intersection.

ULTRA: Keep a low profile here, INFRA. If mortals see us there'll be an uproar.
INFRA: That's perfect. All I need is more people to hate me.
ULTRA: Suck it up. I don't hate you, do I? And that demon was practically begging you to join him again.
INFRA: Oh, real comforting - huh?

INFRA pauses; he's sensed something, and so has ULTRA.

INFRA and ULTRA: That way!

They stare at each other; they have both pointed in opposite directions leading away from the intersection.

ULTRA: I felt the orb in that direction!
INFRA: That's strange, because I sensed it that way!
ULTRA: Ok, ok, keep it down. We'll split up and see what we find.
INFRA: Fine.

They each go their separate way. We first follow ULTRA, who follows his mind to a large building. He looks up at the logo above the doors.

ULTRA: Gladman Labs... I'm sure the orb is in there.

He searches all four walls of the place, up and down, but can't see any way in. Meanwhile, INFRA keeps moving up the street.

INFRA (thinking): I know I felt something up this way... it might not have been the orb, though...

He stops suddenly; it feels like his "sixth sense" is pointing upwards. As he looks up, two large demonic figures drop down on him, pinning him to the ground.

ABHOR: Don't mind us, INFRA... I'm just here to take back what's mine.

ABHOR appears above INFRA and raises his scythe, then brings it down in a wide arc, cutting open INFRA's belly. As INFRA yells in pain, ABHOR reaches inside and pulls out the orb INFRA had absorbed previously.

ABHOR: Mission success, boys. Let's bounce.

As ABHOR and the demons disappear into the ground, the sound of sirens reaches INFRA; his yell has attracted unwanted attention. Clutching at his stomach, he makes to escape, but finds he is now at a four-way intersection, and there is nowhere to hide. As the police vehicles land, INFRA tries to run in the opposite direction. The policemen, Reilly and Flaherty, get out of their car.

Reilly: What the heck is that?
Flaherty: I don't know, but it's causing a disturbance. We'd better take it in... that Gladman guy might know what to do with it.
Reilly: Ok... follow my lead.

INFRA growls in pain as the cops approach. Reilly draws his gun cautiously and motions Flaherty do the same. Both cops pointing their guns at INFRA, they move gradually around him and attempt to "herd" him into the vehicle. INFRA, looking back, pretends to comply and backs slowly toward the vehicle. It's not until he's up against it that he makes his move; he makes a great jump backwards to the other side of the vehicle, where with a mighty punch he sends the vehicle spinning toward the police. The two humans leap out of the way as the vehicle almost slams into them, giving INFRA time to slink away into the shadows.

Reilly: Where'd it go?
Flaherty: I think the Chief needs to hear about this.
Reilly: Agreed.

They go running towards their vehicle, which has stopped skidding a few blocks up the street.
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GASP.

Hmm... I've certainly bollocksed this up. See, I edited the previous post whenever I had new script to add, so as not to double-post. However, this meant that there was no new post and so it didn't get marked with "new post".

Anyway. I'll stop doing that now and just make a new post for new additions. Like now.

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Inside Gladman Labs, we see Professor GLADMAN with Doctors GENE and WILDE. GLADMAN is at a table fiddling with screwdrivers and welding tools while GENE and WILDE are typing on laptops.

GENE: Professor, I've received an email from the police department.
GLADMAN: What? What could the police want with us?
GENE: I'm not sure, but it says the Chief of Police is coming over as soon as possible.

As if on cue, there is a knock at the door and Chief of Police PONCHO enters. He extends his hand to GLADMAN.

PONCHO: Dr GLADMAN, I presume?
GLADMAN: That's Professor GLADMAN to you. How'd you get into the building?

PONCHO wiggles a key in front of GLADMAN's face.

PONCHO: Skeleton key. I'm PONCHO, Chief of Police. Are you going to introduce us?
GLADMAN: Oh, erm... My associates, GENE and WILDE -
PONCHO: Pleasure. Mind if I have a private word with your boss?

Baffled, GENE and WILDE leave with their laptops.

GLADMAN: So, what's this all about, PONCHO?

PONCHO inserts a CD into his own laptop and turns the screen toward GLADMAN. As the CD plays, GLADMAN watches with mild interest. When the film ends, PONCHO closes the laptop.

GLADMAN: That was excellent. A demo for a new horror movie?
PONCHO: Not quite, Professor. That footage was taken by one of our hidden cameras on the corner of King and Pitt. We've got a possible threat on our hands... and I've come to enlist your help.
GLADMAN: You've got to be joking! Do you honestly think I'll believe that little red-and-white fellow was real? If it isn't a figment of computer graphics, then it's a child in a suit.
PONCHO: I wish this was all a prank, Professor, but have you ever seen a child move like that? Not to mention the whole fire thing.
GLADMAN: ... All right, so let's assume I believe you. What am I supposed to do?

PONCHO turns to the table GLADMAN was working at.

PONCHO: This is TEMPO, am I right?
GLADMAN (startled): What?
PONCHO: Technologically Enchanced Mechanical Prototype Operation. This is it, isn't it?
GLADMAN: How do you know about TEMPO? It's classified information!
PONCHO: I have connections. Your part in protecting the city is quite simple. All I require from you is a modification to TEMPO.
GLADMAN: And what would I have to change?
PONCHO: Its abilities. Its demeanour. You're going to make TEMPO into a fighting machine capable of destroying that thing.

GLADMAN gets to his feet, outraged.

GLADMAN: I will not convert my own creation into a tool for war! We don't even know if that thing in the video is hostile towards humans!

GLADMAN walks over to the door and opens it. PONCHO remains where he is.

GLADMAN: This meeting is over. Goodbye, Chief PONCHO.
PONCHO: I would think very carefully about my stance on this subject if I were you, Gladman. If you don't comply with my wishes, you'll be arrested and jailed for assisting terrorism, and I'm sure neither your assistants nor... your wife... would want that, now would they?

PONCHO has struck a nerve. GLADMAN's knees buckle at his words, and he looks down at them. He remains silent for a moment in thought.

GLADMAN (shakily): Come back tomorrow... TEMPO will be ready then.
PONCHO (getting up): Thank you, Professor. Your assistance is greatly appreciated.
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Dum dum dum!!

Wow, way to throw in a whole bunch of new characters. I liked these scenes but you do have a tendency to bring in lots of sub characters before you've given the reader time to get to know the others. Perhaps try to write longer scenes? It was good though and the dialogue was great.

Heh, that's true. Gladman and Poncho are just recurring minor characters though, and I don't even know if Gene and Wilde will return after Underworld Breakout.

Anyway, under the advice of a non-YWS friend of mine who believes the scene with Infra finding Ultra and the orb in a gold mine is too coincidental, I'm going to try rewriting that bit... expect it sometime, lol.

And yeah, I'll try to make my scenes longer. That one with Infra and Ultra being chased by bats was really just the end of the previous one, but meh, in general they are a little short.

EDIT: The edited edit is edited. That is to say, there is no gold mine and Infra isn't so emo. XD Also changed the colours of some of the orbs and a few other things.

And we're back from the commercial break. Get time to stretch your legs? Lovely.

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As PONCHO closes the door on his way out of the lab, we see ULTRA hiding behind it. As soon as it clangs shut, ULTRA darts down the hall and finds his way through the lab's corridors. As he nears GLADMAN's lab, ULTRA hears GLADMAN getting up to leave the room and conceals himself in a nearby side-corridor. Once GLADMAN is out of the way, ULTRA enters the room.

ULTRA (thinking): I know the orb is nearby... what is that?

ULTRA has seen GLADMAN's workbench. Lying on it is what appears to be a small humanoid form, unconscious but with its chest lying wide open. Its innards are not organs but cables and wires; ULTRA realises that it is an android. As he gets closer, he notices a scrapbook on a shelf below the bench and, picking it up, leafs through it. It is full of cut out newspaper articles, some of which ULTRA mutters aloud.

ULTRA: "Gladman-Brand Hovercar Instant Hit"... "Gladman Begins Work on Artificial Intelligence"... "Gladman Peace Crusade Underway"...

The next page ULTRA turns to contains smaller newspaper snippets. We see a wedding announcement between "Matthew Gladman" and "Midori Tsukiko", a photo of GLADMAN with a lady of the Japanese persuasion (Midori) and finally, down the bottom, Midori's obituary notice.

ULTRA: Gee, poor guy... eh?

ULTRA hears footsteps approaching. Realising he got distracted, ULTRA tosses the book onto the desk and hastily tries to mentally find the orb, but is too agitated and has to forfeit and leave the room, only just escaping before GLADMAN comes around the corner with a steaming cup of coffee. GLADMAN notices the book.

GLADMAN (thinking): I don't remember getting that out...

He looks for a few seconds at the photograph of himself and Midori, before rubbing his eyes and closing the book.
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Ehehe... this one's a little short too. But that's ok, because soon the action will heat up again. ^_^