One

4 posts
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Gender Female
Points 1144
Reviews 381
we are a poem in the rough –
your sandpaper jaw beneath my lips
and in this new utopia,
hand in hand is prayer.

toes curl against calves
and hands behind heads;
the sheets twist beneath us
and I can’t see for your eyes.

and when the rug trembles
beneath my feet, I know
you’re right when you say
I won’t sleep tonight.

lips on lips, the first shedded skin
of innocence coiled in your hands;
my mind, cold and dark as winter seas
without your breath across my throat.
Bitter Charlie :: Shady Grove, CA :: FreeRice (162,000/1,000,000)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 688
hand in hand is prayer.

This is passive. How about just "prayer is hand in hand"

and I can’t see for your eyes.

This is awkward. You mean "I can see only your eyes", but the way you phrase it makes it vague.

Otherwise, I enjoyed this. It was very sensual.
Carpe Diem.




Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 1040
Reviews 92
This is great. Dark, eloquent.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 53
This is really sexy, good job.

:D
Alice♥
"stay up all night with the stars."



If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.
— Mo Willems