Hell (one act play)

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This is a product of my boredom, and also it could be used for an English thing. So yeah, crit please.

Open curtain. BED IN CENTRE STAGE, A WOMEN ASLEEP IN IT. AN ARMCHAIR BESIDE THE BED.
GIRL IS AT STAGE LEFT.

GIRL (TO AUDIENCE)
I‘ve learnt to hate people. Everyone last one of them . They walk up to me, all sympathetic and false smiles. Taking only one look at me and saying “Oh, it must be hell.” How do they know? How can you judge a lifetime in a single glance? But it isn’t hell, it’s just how we’ve learnt to live.

THE WOMAN BEHIND HER MOANS SUDDENLY. THE GIRL TURNS SUDDENLY AND RUNS TO THE BED. ONCE SHE ARRIVES THE MOANING STOPS. THE GIRL LOOKS BACK T THE AUDIENCE.

GIRL
Hell is where dead people go, and I know that we’re dead. I’ve heard people say it. They feel sorry for me and my brother. They say that I’m dead inside, that I can’t be happy. But what’s happiness? And what’s this life everybody’s so fond of? It’s just the stressful part before death.

BOY ENTERS WITH A SHOPPING BAG. GIRL WALKS OVER TO HIM.

BOY
Was she alright?

GIRL
Still sleeping like a baby.

THE GIRL TAKES THE SHOPPING BACK OFFSTAGE FOR A MOMENT. THE BOY TAKES ONE CHAIR

BOY(SHOUTING OFF STAGE)
Do you think she needs changing?

GIRL (RETURNING)
Maybe, but lets wait until later.

THE GIRL SITS AT THE CHAIR NEXT TO HIM.

THERE’S SILENCE BETWEEN THEM. NOBODY KNOWING WHAT TO SAY.

GIRL
Did you…did you see any-

BOY
There’s no need to make up conversations for me.

GIRL
I’m not. Come on, it’s good to talk. So, how was the shops?

BOY
Busy. Mrs. Dawes asked how we were coping


GIRL(SUDDENLY AGITATED)
I hate it when they do that.

BOY
She gave us a free tin of soup.

GIRL (disgusted)
Take it back

BOY
I can’t! She was only being nice.

GIRL
I don’t want everyone feeling sorry for us. . We’re coping, aren’t we? All healthy, all…breathing.

BOY NODS GRUDGINGLY.

BOY
She’s probably just trying to raise our spirits.

GIRL
Our spirits are fine as they are.

BOY (quickly)
Are they?

GIRL GIVES HIM A GLARE.

GIRL
Yes. They are. Everything is okay. And we don’t need pity from the whole world, alright?


MUM SUDDENLY STARTS SCREAMING. GIRL AND BOY GET UP AND GO TO HER.

GIRL (TO BOY)
Get me some of her pills.

BOY runs off stage.

GIRL SITS ON THE BED, AND STROKES HER MOTHERS HAIR.

GIRL
That’s right. It’s going to be okay, that’s right. Yes, everything’s okay. We’re getting your pills. There, it’s all going to get better.

THE GIRL LEAVES HER MOTHER AND COMES FORWARD ON THE STAGE.

GIRL
I know, it’s not an ideal life. But It’s the only life we’ve ever known, and you can’t argue with the cards of fate. I don’t want to be pitied, or be a walking charity box. People should leave us alone.
It isn’t hell. It’s just how we live.
Stop. Look. Jive!




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Okay! It's a nice, rough start. But here are the things I want you to think about on the second draft, okay?

What is wrong with the mother, and does the audience need to know? It's obviously a recent development, so be sure not to leave the audience in the dark.

Do you really want the girl to break the fourth wall right off the bat? It makes the audience uncomfortable to have a character they know nothing about address them directly. Be careful.

If I were you, I would take the middle dialouges--outside of GIRL's narration--and work that into a longer, stronger script. Then, include in some way the concepts in GIRL's narration into the tale without having her speak to the audience. Now, it's more work, but you'll have a better script in the end.

Cheers! Keep it up!
Sing lustily and with a good courage. Beware of singing as if you were half dead, or half asleep; but lift up your voice with strength.




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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 28
what the hell....pun

i don't get it...

im an idoit...

yup...

hum...

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dot dot dot




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Points 14170
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Are you writing this just to get points? Huh... Get a life, kaolin. Please.

As to the script, I think its good (sry for the bare term, but I'm not good at writing critiques for scripts :( )

Galatea got it all, hehe.



When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
— Walter Lippmann