The Tavern

Cat chooses to ignore the 'magical cat chicken' jab and lets the troll rant away in the corner. She gives Catch some Coke.

"Drink this, quickly. Before anything else bad can happen," she tells him.

Famous last words.

*turns dramatically*

did someone say before anything bad can happen!?!?

*pulls out strategic Fire Hose*

Right when the troll sprays his fire hose, Catch flips the table and dives behind it. Water splashes around him in all directions. "JUST ONE SIP JUST ONE SIIIP," Catch cries as he covers his cup, shielding it from the water. Suddenly, the spray stops. Catch peeks over the table to find that Cat has cut the hose with her razor sharp... talons? Whatever, no time to question it. He brings the cup to his lips, awaiting the crisp, saccharine taste he's grown so fond to...

He takes a sip.

That's weird... It tastes... off...

He takes another sip.

It's... it's crisp and saccharine... but... something's wrong...

Oh... oh, oh no... oh GOD no...

Catch drops the cup, hands violently shaking. He spits out the cola onto the floor, a fizzing puddle of brown growing around him.

"This... this is DIET!"

Zhia glances in concern at Catch, wondering what could have caused such a reaction. Had he been poisoned? She walked over, examining the shaking and paralyzed Catch. It looked like the effects of a poison found on her Apocalyptic Earth. She frowned, rummaging in one of her many pockets.

"No.. No, that's not it... Ah!!" Zhia pulled out the cure for the 'Poison' and poured a few drops onto his tongue. The results were explosive -- Catch coughed it up violently and then collapsed onto the floor, panting heavily. He choked out, "What.. the HECK... Was THAT?!?!" Zhia loped on innocently, before muttering to herself, "Haven't seen that reaction before...." Then added out loud, "You had been poisoned, Catch. I've seen it before."

Catch gaped at her, thinking that she was a little too used to the alternate ZAC world.

O3O I PAID SEVENTY BUCKS FOR THAT HOSE!

*sues for property damage*

Cat immediately whips out her briefcase and clears her throat with a smile that suggests she has wants to do this for a long time. She miraculously changes into a suit in a poof and flash of light. Then she walks to the podium and gives a rant so convincing that by the end, even the lawyer from the other side is applauding. The lawsuit is rejected flat-out. The troll is dragged out of court yelling and deposited roughly back into the Tavern.

Cat then hands Catch a glass of PROPER Coke, and sits down heavily on a couch to take a breather.

Catch slowly stands, handicapped by the stickiness of the dried diet soda that covers him. He stares at the drink Cat has given him. What could possibly go wrong know?

Each bubble beckons Catch closer and closer to the cup. He brings his lips to the rim, then stops when a mighty roar cracks through his ears. He lowers the cup to find an adult male lion snarling inches from his face. He slowly raises the cup, then slowly lowers it. The lion is now revving a giant, blood-stained chainsaw. He slowly raises the cup, then quickly lowers it. The lion is now wearing a pair of badass shades.

"Screw it." Catch drops the cup, further increasing the diameter of the Coke puddle that surrounds him. He turns to the bartender. "I'll just take a Pepsi."

The lion lets out a bone-rattling growl.

"Okay, a Sprite?"

The lion nods approvingly and exits the Tavern.

15253 decides to ignore Cat's post and collects all da money from cat's bank account.

Spoiler

Troll Physics

Cat very calmly calls the cops, who lock him in troll-jail for several minutes, which doesn't sound so bad, except...

Spoiler

It's several minutes IN A VAT OF GREEN MAMBAS.

Green.....Mamas??

*sits in confusion while "Green MAMAS" swirl around him*

I watch the lion and hide on top of the table until it leaves, then Teleport to Narnia to get Aslan's help to kill the lion.

"It's fine, r4. The universe just doesn't want me to drink Coke." Catch says, between slow, unhappy sips of his bland Sprite.

*laughs from within his cage*

hey-hey Catch! Check this out!

*sips Coke*

Wahahahahahahahahahahah

Catch throws his Sprite at the troll, then the troll starts drinking that, too. Catch facepalms.

*waltzes out of his cage*

Care for four hundred dollars worth of Nicholas cage films dear Catch?