Nine O'Clock in Gaithersburg

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put your ear to the earth -
like mother's cheek against child's,
this feels so much like home.

even with only a concrete line
dividing you from roaring metal beasts,
there is magic in the insect words,
and lingua ignota between sap and blood;

even with a pall of machine exhalations
drawn close over distant freckles of sun,
the night sky warms and welcomes,
steadfast reminder of life before light.

put your ear to the earth -
like the fit of your hand in mine,
this feels so much like home.
Bitter Charlie :: Shady Grove, CA :: FreeRice (162,000/1,000,000)




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I liked this poem very much, though its short but in these few lines the poems feelings worked well. I may call it short and sweet. :)

put your ear to the earth -
like mother's cheek against child's,
this feels so much like home.


I liked the starting,its very soothing.


even with only a concrete line
dividing you from roaring metal beasts,
there is magic in the insect words,
and lingua ignota between sap and blood;


In this para,I would have liked the even's e in caps and the word lingua ignota,is ignota-ignot or did ya mean something else.

In all the poem was really good. :)
"A good plot is like a dream.If you dont write down your dream on paper the moment you wake up,the chances are you'll forget it and it'll be gone forever"-Roald Dalh.




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and lingua ignota between sap and blood;

I'd see this better with just a plain old period.

(a) steadfast reminder of life before light.

Since the "night" is a steadfast reminder, why not add "a" to specify what the reminder is?

Your work is improving steadily, Fand. I look forward to more.
Carpe Diem.




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Thanks for the crit, guys! And ANI - 'lingua ignota' is really just a fancy term for a secret or unknown language.
Bitter Charlie :: Shady Grove, CA :: FreeRice (162,000/1,000,000)



I communicate much better on paper than I do when I open my mouth.
— Aaron Sorkin