Ode to Someone's Mother

caught in the undertow of a thought
carried away on the broken back of an undisciplined rhythm
passing through subatomic slipstreams and defective dream catchers
laughing waves of an alien spectrum through
clenched brainstems
(quell the heresy within)
ethereal clock dodgers issue telepathic commands in whale tongue
professional notion stretchers play chicken with the human mind
cracks in the sidewalk expand in symphonies of bone growth
in my experience true love requires at least one stoma

caught in the undertow of a thought
carried away on the broken back of an undisciplined rhythm
passing through subatomic slipstreams and defective dream catchers
laughing waves of an alien spectrum through
clenched brainstems

That's beautiful. Now what, pray tell, is doing all that?

There is such a thing as too many words, too many adjectives.
And "stoma" doesn't make much sense there. Not unless I try some very artistic angles, such as viewing stoma as the term a "plant pore". Um. Sure.

That last line is just wholly inappropriate and hilarious, and that is it's main function in this poem.

i actually really like the last line of the poem. it is my favorite part. I think maybe if you put more plant imagry in it could definately work.

i actually really like the last line of the poem. it is my favorite part. I think maybe if you put more plant imagry in it could definately work.

Just because the surgical explanation may be twisted, doesn't necessarily mean the nonsensical interpretation will fly.

I think it's wonderful. I got the little out of the blue analogy with the brainstems. haha. It is funny when you think about it.