Those things I cannot say.

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So, here's yet another 5 minute poem. It could use a lot of help, so please comment with your suggestions!

I asked you not to say those words.
They do not bode me well.
I asked you not to tell me that,
It removes my protective shell.

Please don’t say those words again,
For I do not understand.
I cannot fight what I cannot learn,
Or for what I have not planned.

Take back that thing you said to me,
You know of what I speak.
Take it back before I break,
And wind up six feet deep.

Do you know what it means?
To say the things you do….
Do you understand the weight,
You’ve put upon us two?

You know I want to say it back,
I know you know I do,
But as my life-time enemy,
I cannot say I love you.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.~Groucho Marx

I have a passion for all things literary, and I love to review the work of others :). PM me with a link and I'd love to review for you too!




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Gender Other
Points 431
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i'm not a very good person to make suggestions (this is better that most of what I write :)). But I really like it and I think it's the perfect legnth. I also has a good rhyme schem and the ending ties it up perfectly!

Sorry I could see no improvements (at the moment),
Speakerskat
Salt in the air, blood in my veins, no more black clouds, just colorful days...




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 15446
Reviews 136
think that you poem is also pretty good. I don't really think it needs any improvement and you should not doubt your writing abilities. I like that this poem has a theme and a rhyme scheme that it carries till the end.
Keep writing.
Fiction



*gestures in butterfly meme*
— BluesClues