Trying My Best

2 posts
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Lashea
Gender Female
Points 343
Reviews 10
Sun Jan 08, 2012 6:28 pm
Lashea says... · Sun Jan 08, 2012 6:28 pm
I always try my best
to fit in with the rest

But no one likes me
so dear can't you see

I'm just a stand out
that makes them want to shout

Maybe it's not so bad
because I'm me and I'm Glad

So dear why can't you see
I'm happy to be me
*Soul Meets Soul On Lovers Lips*
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Deanie
Gender Female
Points 67548
Reviews 1634
Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:28 pm
Deanie says... · Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:28 pm
Hi Lashea.

I think this poem is okay. It's not really amazing, but it's not terrible either. I think it just needs to have more added to it and more poetic language as well. Add similes, metaphors, feelings and description. The rhymed worked out okay, but if that's what stopping you from making this poem sparkle it doesn't have to have it in it.

You need to add full stops at the ends of your sentences. That's all I could notice for grammar.

I liked the idea of being a stand out, but liking who you are. You're trying to get someone to realise that you do try to fit in, but you're happy with who you are.

Deanie x
Trust in God and all else follows.

Deanie, dominating the world since it was cool @Pompadour, 2014
Your username reminds me of a hotdog @Stegosaurus, 2015
Tried to make puns out of your username, but every attempt has been Deanied @Candywizard, 2015
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2 posts


In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.
— JRR Tolkien