Trumpet Solo!

Spoiler

Any suggestions for a new title??? I'm really bad at them... Anyway, I've been experimenting with different forms for poetry. This on is called a pantoum (also spelled pantum). This is how it goes:

Stanza 1:
Line 1

Line 2

Line 3

Line 4

Stanza 2:
Line 5 (repeat of line 2 in stanza 1)

Line 6 (new line)

Line 7 (repeat of line 4 in stanza 1)

Line 8 (new line)

Stanza 3/Last Stanza (This is the format for the last stanza regardless of how many preceding stanzas exist):
Line 9 (repeat line 6 of the previous stanza)

Line 10 (repeat line 3 of the first stanza)

Line 11 (repeat line 8 of the previous stanza)

Line 12 (repeat line 1 of the first stanza)

Trumpet Solo!

I’ve been thinking about this for weeks,
Practicing ‘till I’m out of breath.
I claim refuge with the confident,
Imagining things will go wrong.

Practicing ‘till I’m out of breath,
I get so nervous, I quake like a fool.
Imagining things will go wrong,
On my debut - it’d be just my luck.

I get so nervous, I quake like a fool,
So I claim refuge with the confident,
On my debut, it’d be just my luck.
I’ve been thinking about this for weeks.

I really like the form for this poem and how certain lines are repeated. As for the name, I like the name you gave it. Great job!

This is a rather short poem that I feel needs more explanation into its meaning and its feel. You have a very professional vocabulary that makes me feel child-like in comparison as I don't understand some of the words! (Don't worry, I'll look them up...)

I had to notice though, when I read this, you say:

On my debut - it’d be just my luck.

and then:

On my debut, it’d be just my luck.

Which both have different ways of reading this line (this may be your angle...?), and I was wondering whether you wanted them to be different or had planned them to be the same.

Seeing as this was the only thing I could find ever so slightly 'off' with your poem, it is obviously quite correct. This was a very professional but also, almost childlike (in the narrators view) poem. I love the repetition in the lines which adds emphasis to these points and really makes the reader think how the narrator must have really been stewing over their solo a lot! I'm sure most musicians have felt similarly about any performance (I know I have!) so it is a powerful poem for them/us.

Also, I think that the title is perfect for the poem. In two words it sums up the feeling and meaning of the poem. Who wouldn't be 'quaking' about a Trumpet Solo?! Well done! This is a great poem, a little short maybe (I'd like to read more!), but a very awesome and relative poem!


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A poem about music? Hmmm....Let's see.

I like this! Really. Well the title is already great, why change it? I like slo-mo reads you know. And I think your poem elongated this short moment which is playing this instrument.

I also liked the small piece of humor here. We all try new things, and when we do, it comes to a failure. But after some practice, confidence boosts and reading self-help books, we can be the BEST

Keep writing! Good luck!
Al

Woah! that's quite an interesting repetition scheme you've got going on there, I'd love to try it out sometime. I think a nice title could be something like "my forte". (forte is a musical term that means to play lively and loudly)
Anyway, I found the structure to be quite interesting and thought the repetition was very effective, quite a lovely poem you came up with here!~ Keep writing