my crimson tears

Tears of blood,
Tears of fear.
Tears of love.
My crimson tears.

They burn my face,
Yet they are shed.
My mind is lost,
My heart is dead.

I accept my fate,
While I sit alone.
Let the tears come,
If my life is gone.

I regret the words
I never said.
Tears still burn my face,
And fill me with dread.

I remember the happiness
I didn’t defend,
Please let it stop,
Let the tears end.

I forget the love
I never showed.
Why can’t I leave
This tear-stained road.

I hope for the day,
The day of return.
Until then,
The tears will burn.


Tears of blood,
Tears of fear.
Tears of love.
My crimson tears.

Ah, teen angst poetry. Try being a little more free-flowing in your choice of words, and use a wider variety of images to show your feelings. This type of poetry is better when it is not confined by a strick rhyming scheme.

Study vocabulary, break out of repitition and just simple, repeating rhyme schemes. With those simple mechanics, you have the potential to be great.

While I sit alone.
Let the tears come,
If my life is gone.

Fix that. It broke up the flow. Other than that, nice work.

Are you trying to follow a rhyming pattern here (A, B, C, B)?

I accept my fate,
While I sit alone.
Let the tears come,
If my life is gone.

Gone doesn't rhyme with alone.

It'd be much better if you used some better vocabulary. It's too superficial, doesn't make me think or understand anything. It just seems like words thrown together with the help of a rhyming vocab book.

Keep in mind that this subject has been done and re-done many times. Try avoiding cliches, especially in these types of poems. "Crimson tears" is a big cliche in this, as well as the crying theme that accomapanies this.

It's not bad, just kind of muddled. I'd suggest re-writing this whole thing. Try to tack on your own images instead of "powerful"/cliched words and phrases. Good luck.

I've never heard of 'crimson tears' being a cliche, but I'd agree with the crying themes.

I actually quite liked it. The beginning was definitely the best bit though, as the rhythm gets a bit strange around the middle and the end.

I do think you've got good potential, but you might want to try some different styles of poetry. I think this could be very interesting as freeform, without all of the strict rhyme schemes that you've got here.

Good luck with it!

~Kay

Yes, please stay away from the cliches. And don't be afraid to get out of the box...this was very restricting. Don't go by what some book or poem you read in school says is poetry...explore other forms. Especially if you decide to write about teen angst.