A Flower Amongst Thorns

Walking statues falling apart,
Crumble to dust, severe the start,
Euphoric existence,
Translucentstate state,
Gun fire clockwork,
Sounds the day,

Dismiss the cynics,
They know not limits,
You tought us how to die,
Clammy hands clutch our chests,
To steal our breath,
The time to fade is nigh,

Fallen Men sing wise old songs,
Of forgotten times, now turned to dust,
Shut your eyes, and block your ears,
Knowledge is power, power is fear,

Inhale the Exhale,
Psychosis, unveiled,
Deepening madness,
Drugged, inane,
Trapped in my own mind,
Going insane,

Hi

I thought this piece was perfectly dark and had that beautiful mournful tone all the way through. You are a talented poet and I can tell that you pour a lot of soul into your poetry. Just a few things I noticed:

~ "severe the start" did you mean "sever"?
~ "Translucentstate state" I think you must've forgotton to edit the extra "state" off the end of "transluscent". Not sure how that got there
~ Just go back through and watch your commas--make sure you really need them.

Ok, that's about it. Once again, great job! I really liked it!

~Jess

Ooh, this is really cool! Nice vocabulary
I was a little confused about the first stanza. I didn't get this part --> "severe the start." But maybe it's just me? I don't know... "Translucentstate state" <-- this part made no sense... is that supposed to be "Translucent state?"
"The time to fade is nigh" <-- I love this part!! Probably because 'nigh' is one of my favourite words... but again, I love your vocabulary! It makes the piece sound intelligent and sophisticated
"Knowledge is power, power is fear," <-- my favourite part of the whole piece. It really spoke to me, I find it true!! Is it okay if I quote you one this?
I like how you use the words inane and insane in the last stanza, to make them rhyme. I love the word inane!
Overall, a wonderful piece. It has variety, yet a sense of unity at the same time (speaking in art terms here ).

Keep writing and stay Awesome,
Socks ^_^

Thank you very much Yes you may certainly quote me on that :3 And the meaning for me behind "Sever the start" Is that...Sometimes, what you aspire to, or what you Try to create, is sometimes destroyed before you begin, sometimes I sit down with a great idea for a poem, and my hopes are doused when I realize what I am feeling can always be translated into words...I guess that is the kind of meaning behind "Sever the start"

Agreeing with Socks here! "Knowledge is power, power is fear." I LOVE that line!! Darker writing is always more moving, at least in what I have read. All the little things I saw have already been mentioned by both Jess and Socks, except one, did you mean "taught" instead of "tought?"

Keep writing!

~Chezka