Who am I?

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Author's note: I don't know if i portrayed this well, but this is about my journey from home into college and having who I thought I was smashed to pieces, not liking who I am, and waiting for God to complete me.


Mortar and brick
Stone walls surrounding my being
Emotions plundered to the depths of me

Who am I
Who am I

Others tumbling into my wall
It’s crumbling, coming undone
Mortar and brick no more

Who am I
Who am I

The sun, my Lord
Shines brightly
Melting my wall

Who am I
Who am I

Emotions welling in my eyes
Tears staining my clothes
The sun, my Lord, hardness no more

Who am I
Who am I

Broken, empty
Vulnerability shared with others
Shame in the eyes of who I once was

Who am I
Who am I

My heart open for all to see
Putting back my pieces
Broken, empty, longing for a new me
There is nothing to writing; all you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein~ Red Smith

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Your poem is very thought-provoking. I enjoy a good brain think once in awhile. You discribe this emotion very well and I like the image it creates in my mind. I suggest you just keep on doing what your doing, because what your writing is great, and I'd like to see more from you, just for the enjoyment of reading it!




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Hi Rascal,

Interesting read. Here are a few thoughts:

Watch your tense: L2: surroundING, L3: plunderED. Make sure you pick one tense and stick to it throughout the entire piece!

I love the mortar and brick reference in the first stanza, hate it in the third. No idea why, but it doesn't really seem like it goes well there.

I love the last stanza, but the path the piece took getting there seems weird. It's like it's tight, then sad, then happy, then sad...then final. A change of emotion is okay, but probably just one change would be more appropriate. I do like the idea of the final, definitive stanza, though!

Good luck!
Via
My Literary and Arts Blog

"I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met." -The Wedding Date



One by one they went / And, though each laughed as he returned to earth / Their souls were in their eyes.
— Alfred Noyes (Watchers of the Sky)