A Suicide Note

A Suicide Note:


10

I hear the footsteps

9

I see the shadow

8

I feel the hands

7

I smell the alcohol

6

I hear the threats

5

I lay there quietly

4

I feel the pain

3

I am ashamed

2

I lied to you

1

I'm dead inside


_____
Im not sure rather this is good or bad. I feel like something is missing. :\ Anyways, I was just experimenting with different ways to write a poem. So please review!

...Whoa. Just wow. That was brilliant. I loved it. Speechless. Just...speechless. You have opened my heart.

Wow. I loved it! It was very simple, but the message was as clear as a bell. I'm speechless! Keep on writing!!

this was good; I wish I had a better review for you, but it was really short and simple. You didn't make your readers guess at the ending, which is good, but you also didn't tell what happened. You let us fill in the story, but you gave us enough, which I really liked. However, it bugged me that you had no punctuation, and when I finished I was waiting for something more, I'm just not sure what.

Wow. Awesome. But you left out an apostrophe (might be spelled wrong...) in "I'm" where you put "Im.

That's all I can see, really. Thisis dark but yet it's cool:) lol keep writing!
~LP

As a whole, I liked it a lot! You elaborated deep into a rarely explored subject...and the space you left for open interpretation. However, the numbers and the length may make it come across as slightly unliterary. I might suggest rearranging the setup. The viewer might be confused as to why you are counting down from 10. Keep up the great work! You dug into a very deep subject. Very though provoking...

As a whole, I liked it a lot! You elaborated deep into a rarely explored subject...and I liked the space you left for open interpretation....really sparks the imagination. However, the numbers and the length may make it come across as slightly unliterary. I might suggest rearranging the setup. The viewer might be confused as to why you are counting down from 10. You have dug into a very deep concept. Very thought provoking...Keep up the great work!

Good job, I must say
But I would've liked it better if it was more elaborated. Then again, it was an experiement. So, keep experiementing xD