Wait

Wait, can you hear the strain in my voice?
I am not ready for this
Tick Tock goes the clock,
but I am not moving any furthur

Here I am in a happy place,
where there's laughter and no more fear.
But Wait,
I am miserable here.

You were the ray of sunshine in my eyes.
You were my best friend when I needed to cry.
But wait,
That isn't the case anymore, so please understand why I need to go.

But before...


Come to me, one last time.
Embrace me before I cross that line.
Hold my hand and please,
Don't let go.

Because I promise you that if
you ever want to see me again
All you have to do is say,
And I promise you that I will

Wait

I really liked it, but to me it seemed choppy.

I'm could be all the commas, idk, maybe I'm just weird.

Sincerely,
Ciara<3

I like it but in a way, it's a little too open like anyone could interpret this in many ways which in some situations is all right but I think you should close it in a way so there is a clear and main message but also for someone to use it and interpret it another way. It's hard to explain but I think you know what I mean. I really liked this poem but with the first comma you introduced in your first stanza set off your line so look over that. Good luck and keep writing.

Hi there, Mary Jane. I'm Solly, I'm going to be reviewing your poem today.

Well,I like your poem. A lot. It flows pretty well, the topic your bringing us is nice, but there's a punctuation problems. Of course that's not something to panic about!! I can help you! *grins*

Red = Remove
Blue = Add

MaryJaneStallheizer wrote:Wait, can you hear the strain in my voice?
I, am not ready for this.
Tick Tock goes the clock,
but I, am not moving any furthur.

Here I am, in a happy place,
where there's laughter and no more fear.
But Wait,
I am miserable here.

You were the ray of sunshine in my eyes.
You were my best friend when I needed to cry.
But wait,
That isn't the case anymore, so please, understand why I need to go.

But before...


Come to me, one last time.
Embrace me before I, cross that line.
Hold my hand and please,
Don't let go.

Because I promise you that if,
you ever want to see me again
All you have to do is say,
And I promise you that I, will

Wait.

Overall, you're a great poet. Especially for your age. Keep writing! ^_^

~Solly<3

You clearly have an incredible desire to be with this person. Obviously somone whom you care deeply about and may even love. Although the question is... Whom may this be? Also, what fate awaits the one leaving? Is this a departure from your presence or a depature from life? You may PM me the answers... Other than that, I found this piece quite touching. Keep expressing your heart through prose. It's worth it.