Measurement?

What is time, but a measurement?
Time, the 24 hour days we live in, is merely a measurement.

Imagine where we would be without measurement of time; without deadline.
Life would be like sleep, passing by so quickly
Yet looking forward to another time we can leave reality

Essentially, life as we know it would become dreams
The dreams we have when we sleep would slowly start to become reality.
What we would have when we went to sleep would be living,
And waking up would be returning to our dreams.

Sleep wouldn’t be wanted because it wouldn’t alleviate the pain of time but yet induce us into it.
Time, a simple measurement we live by,
Gives us reasons to dream; for if there was no such thing as time


We would not fall asleep to our own imaginary worlds but go into the harsh reality.
Insomnia would become a blessing and the lack of sleeping would drive the world mad.
Riots, chaos, and death would occur without time.

The world would end without time.
So, next time you are ready to sleep count your blessings
That you get to wake up with dreams to look forward to.

Hi again!

So the grammar in this peice was much better and you've managed your punctuation qutie well. Though the structure is very wobbly and you should really try keeping your lines at similiar lengths or at least so that the rythm works because as it is it does not. As I mentioned on your previous poem, it is easier to read and find flow and rythm if you divide your text into a few stanzas, they can be two lines or four lines or 10 lines but it's easier if you get some sort of break.

As for the content, I really like your theme in this poem - it's original and original is good. I would've liked some more imaginery though, maybe some methaphors or something like that to make the poem more vivid and not just plain words.

I think the poem starts really good, and towards the end you bring up some good points but I would've prefered it if you didn't just counted everything up but that you tried to paint it, I don't know if you've heard the epxression "show not tell" but it's a good rule to always try to follow. Don't just say what you want you with your poem but show us, paint it, describe it with adjectives and metaphores and make vivid pictures - it makes the poem much more interesting to read.

This poem has got potential so just, spice it up a bit and I think it can reach up to 4 icky, sticky spiders. As it is, I'll give you 2 for lack of structure and messy text. The theme and the potential of this is great though so don't give up on it!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

Hey I really liked this! I often ask myself this question over and over again. What really is time? What would the world be like without the idea of time. Like the other comment I strongly believe that this could be an amazing piece. It really does have some strong points. I also love how this mentions "Life would be like sleep" I thought this was a great way to start out this poem. The whole idea of this poem is genius and always continue to write!

I like the idea of it, but the format throws me off.

The answer to the first question, I think you should find a different word for measurement, but that's just me.
I'm weird like that.
Like Demoness said, the structure was wobbly.

But you are very talented! Don't let me get to you, I don't know much. I just go by whatever my heart says.

Sincerely,
Ciara<3