The Tragedy of a Tradeoff (Haiku)

3 posts
User avatar
imoffensive
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 3
Mon May 15, 2006 12:54 am
imoffensive says... · Mon May 15, 2006 12:54 am
The only draft that has been drafted is the one presented here. Not my best work, but it's something recent that I'm fond of.

The Tragedy of a Tradeoff (Haiku)

(Our) bed feels empty.
The sheets lost your scent too soon;
they knew you were gone
Quote




User avatar
xanthan gum
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 688
Mon May 15, 2006 11:58 pm
xanthan gum says... · Mon May 15, 2006 11:58 pm
I loved this. In a few short lines, you captured an entire poem. With beautiful swiftness, you conquered by hate for haikus. You handled this well & I loved the "our" in parentheses. It held poetic meaning, and also supplied that extra nessasary syllable.
Carpe Diem.
Quote




User avatar
imoffensive
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 3
Tue May 16, 2006 3:38 am
imoffensive says... · Tue May 16, 2006 3:38 am
Gah!; my first review ever on this site. How exciting.

Anyway, thank you! The parenthesis, in my opinion, is the best part of this poem in particular. I thank you so much for your comments! They mean a lot to a beginner. :elephant:
Quote

3 posts


Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just stab Caesar!
— Gretchen Wieners