Thoust wonderful hair,
Miss E: (over the constant clamour of the class who refuses to do any work whatsoever) Now today class we're going to learn about the English Civil war- (taps keyboard on computer to make the 'Learning objectives' (what the class have to learn that lesson) appear on the interactive whiteboard, not surprisingly this doesn't work, as Miss E isn't a computer whiz and Zach has just disconnected the power plug)
Miss E: This noble electronic ordinateur ist not working!!
(Question marks appear over the heads of many pupils in the class, except those who pay attention in French e.g none of them)
(Miss E taps furiously, class snigger and Zach reconnects the power cable)
BANG!
(Black smoke billows out of the computer monitor)
(Class grin at each over)
(smoke clears and Miss E is stands with her greasy platinum blonde hair blackened and stuck up straight and the tips are on fire)
Kieran: Miss!! You're hair is on fire!!!
(Miss E screams in horror and fumbles for her pocket mirror , she looks in it and sees that ye(!) the noblest English layabout is correct! Her hair is on fire!!)
Miss E: (melodramatic scream) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! ALACK!! LEARNING!! ALAS!!!! ALL IST LOST!!! THOUST RIGHTEOUS DYED PLATINUM BLONDE HAIR IST ON FIRE!!!
(Miss E runs out classroom and loud splashing noise is heard, then followed with a sigh of relief)
Miss E's voice: Ahhhhh!!! Thoust wonderful blonde hair is saved from the curse of the noblest flames of fire by thy convenient bucket of water marked 'petroleum spirit' !!!
(A chav, truanting from class hasn't entered this play about 22 sentences ago and sees the proceedings of this noble play through the door, -they then have to quickly leap out the way to let a majorly distressed Miss E past- and they then read the label on the convenient bucket and find a convenient lit runaway Bunsen burner and-)
WHOOSH!!!!
Miss E: NO!!!!!! MINE REVOLTING- NO I MEAN RIGHTEOUS HAIR HAST GONE UP IN FLAMES OF FIRE!!!! ALACK-K-K-K-K!!!!
(Runs around madly trying to her hair out but with no avail and bumps into Mr I, the head of history, entering the scene to see what all the noise is about.
Mr I: (not panicking in the slightest) ARRRGGGHHHH!!! FIRE!!!! (Pushes fire alarm, bell starts ringing, this interrupts learning all over the school)
Class: Yay!!!! No history lesson!! (Class runs out the door, not caring in the least for the fire procedure)
Miss E: ARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!! MY WONDERFUL HAIR IST GONE AND LEARNING OPPORTUNITIES ARE BEING WASTED!!!!! BOOO HOOO HOOOO!!! ( finished with her rant, Miss E falls to her knees and sobs into the carpet which by now is on fire)
Miss E: LEARNING-G-G-G!!!
(Miss E was later treated for severe burns, which she calls 'sacrifices for learning')
