Lingering Guilt

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Hope you'll enjoy =) <3


I know you're running, little boy
And I know where you are heading for.
I know the reason behind this fear;
It has nothing to do with your fragile innocence,
'Cause you lost that a long time ago.

I know why you can't sleep at night, little boy
Why these ominous shadows stay around,
The reason why they tease and taunt you.
I know that they are from your past,
Your aching mind won't leave them behind.

I know you still wash the blood off your hands, little boy
It seems to be stuck under your nails.
I know you can see the dark blood stains,
Though they have already faded away;
You can't wash away the memories.

I know you look back every now and then, little boy
To see if your mistakes still cause a hundred souls to cry.
Their tears will never stop following you around,
And every time the fear returns in your big broken eyes.
You can't run away from your guilt, little boy.

Your conscience will forever linger around.
Last edited by qaralynn on Sat Oct 22, 2011 10:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"If they can't be with you at your worst, then they don't deserve to be with you at your best."
-Murtuza-

"Even though a ship won't sink at sea, it needs to be steered to get home."




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Wow, this is really powerful.

"I know you still wash the blood of your hands, little boy
It seems to be stuck under your nails.
I know you can see the dark blood stains,
Though they have already faded away;
You can't wash away the memories."
- Yup, my favourite lines. Your poems are getting better and better every time, qara! Great job!

Nice usage of words here as well ("big broken eyes" etc). The persona is left forever to be doomed in his own sorrow of the past. I don't have issues with the piece and since it is free verse, I don't think it needs any polishing

Very nice qara!
XD
It's not about the weight of what's spoken.
It's about being heard.




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Simply wonderful Qara! I love the imagery. It felt a bit choppy in some areas, but overall, not bad at all.
"If you ever have a problem don't say 'Hey God I have a big problem.' Rather 'Hey Problem... I have a big God and it's all going to be okay."




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Hey qaralynn :) Nice to see you around! On an irrelevant note - how do you pronounce your username? Is it Cara-lin? That's how I've been saying it :D
This poem was so powerful. You conveyed that overall theme of guilt so wonderfully. I love how you began each stanza with "little boy" and how you didn't explain the backstory or anything to the piece, because it leaves it open to the readers' interpretation. What exactly did the little boy do? Who is it that is talking to him? All left unexplained for the reader to decide. The imagery you used was great, and apart from a few awkward lines and the rhythym occasionally becoming a bit choppy, this was fantastic. Just a few nitpicks:
I know you're running, little boy
And I know where you are heading for.

I think you could cut out the "for" in this part.
I know why you can't sleep at night, little boy
Why these ominous shadows stay around,

Hmm."Stay around" doesn't sound quite right to me...maybe you could use "still linger" or "still stay." The "around" seems unecessary. Same with here:
Their tears will never stop following you around,

'Cause you lost that a long time ago.

I think just simply "long ago" will sound better. I also think that you could possibly cut out "'cause" because it will still make sense with the previous line: "It has nothing to do with your fragile innocence;/You lost that long ago." By cutting these few words out you don't lose any of the meaning, but you do achieve a slightly better flow.
Now just for some stuff I really liked:
Your aching mind won't leave them behind

I'm unsure as to whether or not this was intentional, but I love the little internal rhyme in this sentence (mind, behind.)
I know you still wash the blood off your hands, little boy
It seems to be stuck under your nails.
I know you can see the dark blood stains,
Though they have already faded away;
You can't wash away the memories.

As Murtuza pointed out before, this part is lovely. Don't change it.
Your conscience will forever linger around.

A very nice tie-in with the title. Although, I think you could also omit "around" from this line. Not necessary though; it's still a great ending.
Overall, well done! Hope my ravings helped :) See ya!



Generally speaking, a howling wilderness does not howl: it is the imagination of the traveler that does the howling.
— Henry David Thoreau