Mr no-name

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Mr no-name

mourns his daughter's loss at Trinity
he buys her flowers at Autumn, he
rests them on the very steps and
watches them trampled- and die.

he leaves a bottle of Guinness
beside the flowers at night
as a quiet reminder to the human
race that drinking isn't alright

the bottle's been there for two
weeks now, it's filled with urine
and bile, no-name takes a
careful sip, every once in a while.

when no-name leaves the stairs
he reaches for a bottle of wine
and cries his sorry self to sleep
whilst watching shows about crime.

She's gone She's gone and only
dear old Jack who took her away,
is strong enough to keep her away.

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in the middle of ecstasy
you'll always appear, a
hazy apparition stripping
life bear; you'll leave it cold
in the roaring rain, stripping to
its bones, and hardly care.

the lovers outside, jump out
of impassioned embrace. and
locked lips stand on their
lonesome, this is a craze- but
only when you're around. You
know it well- you time your grace.

Oh, but the stars outside blink
so imperfectly, and stare at you
with rebellious eyes. your hand,
your fear, your grace, defectively
reaches them not, they laugh at
you. but merrily you stare at me,
the trapped bird, in your crystal cave.
Dont tell me the moon is shining, show me the glint of light on broken glass.

Anton Chekov




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Points 92255
Reviews 1748
I like how the title is sort of part of the poem, first of all - of course you could just start reading thepoem at the first line, but you could also start as though the title is part of that first line.

he leaves a bottle of Guinness
beside the flowers at night
as a quiet reminder to the human
race that drinking isn't alright
Just to clarify, does he do this because his daughter was killed by a drunker driver? Anyway, I think the last line would feel a little more natural if you just said "drinking isn't right" instead of "alright."

the bottle's been there for two
weeks now, it's filled with urine
and bile, no-name takes a
careful sip, every once in a while.
I like this stanza (although it's kind of gross). The imagery is great.

whilst watching shows about crime.
This line bugs me a little bit. I like knowing this about no-name, it characterizes him more, but I just feel like the way it's written is a bit awkward.

Also, the last stanza bothers me because after a whole poem of four line stanzas, you suddenly revert to three lines. It just doesn't feel complete.

However, overall this is a good poem. I like the story it tells.

~Blue




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Gender Female
Points 1110
Reviews 22
wow, i really liked your poem.it was good and really thought out:)
except i do think it should be 'right' instead of 'alright' overall i did
enjoy it. while reading through it i had vivid images and emotions. nice work
Radiate Love



Writing is my soul made tangible on paper.
— bluewaterlily