My Secret Love

My Secret Love
By Alyssa Stitt

He’s on my mind
All the time
He doesn’t know
But he shows
Will it ever be the same
Between him and I?
When I look up at the sky
I’ll think he’ll never know
Im still learning to love
While we are both still young
But for now
I will watch from a distance
As you come closer
I close my eyes,
And breathe in hard
as I grow older
It gets clearer
And our hands get nearer
But for now
When the past still mingles with the furture
Its at least clear to see
That one day something will happen between him and me

Welcome to YWS!
I like the idea of this poem, I can completely relate to it. I have some suggestions:

- I thought the rhythms took away from the meaning - they limit the word choice.
-There are also some issues with the rhythms themselves, in one section they just disappear... :

He’s on my mind
All the time
He doesn’t know
But he shows (Shows what?)
Will it ever be the same
Between him and I?
When I look up at the sky
I’ll think he’ll never know
I'm still learning to love
While we are both still young
But for now
I will watch from a distance
As you come closer
I close my eyes,
And breathe in hard
as I grow older
It gets clearer
And our hands get nearer
But for now
When the past still mingles with the future (I like the idea of this. Good job.)
It's at least clear to see
That one day something will happen between him and me (Grammatically, It should be him and I)

i just love it when people tell about themsleves and not what they see or here in the meida world around them i absoultely love you poem it was amazing i hope things work out between the two of you. People are never too young to find love and dont let anyone else tell you otherwise:)

This is such a beautiful poem! I love the meaning behind it all. I agree with the other comment that you're never to young to find love. This poem is so simple yet so graceful. I think it's because that many people can relate to this because it's more realistic. I have felt like this so many times and i truly understand the yearning I've always had for him to just notice me. Anyway I love this poem! Always write and don't stop!

This is a really good poem that shows a lot of emotion. You did a very good job with writing it. I got completely wrapped up in it, and it's something probably a lot of people could relate to. I applaud you for that. But I would also like to mention that with a few adjustments (mostly grammatical ones), this could be much better. amygabb already pointed out a few, so I will touch on the other nitpicks, mainly punctuation. It seemed like you had it in some spots, but not others, so I would suggest either use all punctuation, or none at all, and I think all would be better for this poem. Here are some suggestions.

He’s on my mind
All the time.
He doesn’t know,
But he shows.
Will it ever be the same
Between him and I?
When I look up at the sky,
I’ll think he’ll never know
I'm still learning to love
While we are both still young,
But for now
I will watch from a distance
As you come closer.
I close my eyes,
And breathe in hard.
As I grow older
It gets clearer,
And our hands get nearer,
But for now
When the past still mingles with the future,
It's at least clear to see
That one day something will happen between him and me.

Aside from those nitpicks, I did really love this poem. Please always keeps writing!