Alone

Every time I walk outside,
I see everyone together
and I feel lonely.


I tell myself that it'll pass
and know it's a lie.
It doesn't go away;
It just becomes part
of the background noise.


Then, I start to wonder
if it's something about me
that scares people away.


I tell myself that I'm fine
being alone like this.
I'm a bad liar.


I don't want to be alone.
I want to talk to someone
and do all the things that
I've heard friends do.


I want that togetherness;
that feeling of intimacy
you get when you
connect with someone.


I talk to people,
but it's transient.
Five minute conversations
made up of small talk.

It's not what I want.


I want someone real.
someone who'll be honest
and drag me away
from the cliff of social akwardness
that I always find
myself tumbling over.

I want someone I can share secrets with
and who'll share secrets with me.
Someone who'll be there
when I need them the most
and who'll let me be there for them
when they need me.


Maybe it's what I want
or maybe it's just me,
but I feel like
I can't get what I want.

Spoiler

I sort of know where this came from...but I can't believe that I put this into words. This is me in a nutshell...

I'm glad you did. Powerful. It makes my skull numb with all of the repetetive happy go lucky poems that I see everywhere, with what seems like it's been given about as much thought as what to have for breakfast. This is what writing's about, how you really feel.
I love how it's so honest, there's no over dramatic metaphors or played on cliche's in it, it's just there. It feels like you just took how you were feeling and put it into words, simple but effective. I especially like the way you've written it, the rhythm of it is natural. You haven't forced in any annoying rhymes or cut out words to make it flow, it's descriptive and wonderful. I also loe the comment at the end of some verses where you state your opinion, such as the

I tell myself that I'm fine
being alone like this.
I'm a bad liar.

That's such a quirky verse, it has character and it seems more personal.

I talk to people,
but it's transient.
Five minute conversations
made up of small talk.
It's not what I want.

That's a very powerful verse, because you can walk down the street and see people doing that everywhere, and you do notice and say 'That's not what I want.' It's a very powerful poem altogether, there's a lot of longing in it, and it's so personal and emotional, good on you for posting it. I like.
The only thing I'll say is it'd be nice if you then said what you do want in depth, that'll make the poem come to life.

I like the ideas behind this. However, I think you need to add more imagery and figurative language. This poem portrays a powerful feeling that I think a lot of people can relate to. (How is it that you can feel more alone in a room full of people than when you're physically by yourself?) You just need to make it more specific to you.

But there are a couple lines in here I do really like:

I tell myself that I'm fine
being alone like this.
I'm a bad liar.

I especially like that third line. It's almost...I don't know, not exactly ironic, but...something like that. I like it.

Then, I start to wonder
if it's something about me,
that scares people away.

(No comma needed in that stanza.) I like the doubt expressed in this stanza, and I think people can relate to that too.

Let me know if you do a rewrite, I want to see what you come up with!

~Blue

This reminded me of Robert Frost. It was the pattern behind it I think... I'm not really sure why. I liked this poem! It was nice and simple, but really emotional. Good job!

It's wonderful. So deep and touching. I love it. Completely wonderful, congratulations. You're post is incredible, I relate to you. I know how being alone feels. And I hardly ever tell anyone that. But you are truly great. Keep up the amazing work!

Amazing poem! Congratulations!
I love the fact the it doesn't rhyme but still flows nicely.

Idraax wrote:I tell myself that it'll pass
and know it's a lie.
It doesn't go away;
It just becomes part
of the background noise.

Idraax wrote:I tell myself that I'm fine
being alone like this.
I'm a bad liar.

See, the simplicity is what makes the difference here. And please, please, don't try to change it!! It is what makes the poem real, and strong. When you are sadd, or feeling lonely, which is the case here, you don't want to rhyme nothing, you just want to share your feelings. And, instead of just writing about it, you shared the character's emotions. Please, tell me, was it intentional?
I must admit, you did such a great job here that made me feel a little bit lonely... hahhaha
Let us hear from you again soon! And keep impressing us!

This is great! I was wondering if you had personal experiences with this. That's so sad! (But don't give up! I know how you feel, but it'll get better.)

I love how you changed the number of lines in a stanza as the poem went on. At first, I thought it was a mistake, but it turned out to really put more effect into the poem, if that makes sense. These two stanzas are my favorite.

I want someone real.
someone who'll be honest
and drag me away
from the cliff of social akwardness
that I always find
myself tumbling over.

I want someone I can share secrets with
and who'll share secrets with me.
Someone who'll be there
when I need them the most
and who'll let me be there for them
when they need me.

They really just sum up the entire poem, and you probably could have ended here. But, you added the last stanza which just shoved it all together.

I love it!

I read it, and identified completely with it. I hate petty conversation, small talk- you called it "transient"... which is so true! I'm an introvert as well But don't worry about that, because adult life will probably be better, when everyone gets a bit smarter and learns to talk meaningfully.

The poem itself was neat. Nice flow. I could use more flow... I'll be sure to take note of your style.

You basically described how I feel, and helped me learn a little bit more about myself. Love it!!

I think this poem speaks up for anyone who feels that they don't have a voice. I'm glad you posted this because it lets people know that they are not alone in their social struggles... Great job

Howdy,

To make this thing perfect, you need to make a gigantic change. THE ENDING. This ending, in a blunt choice of words, stinks. Your poem was so powerful, so plain[in a good way], then you just stop. As I read it, I was like, "Well, maybe there's a second page." Then I realized that that isn't possible. To make this poem even more dynamite, you should revise the last line/stanza. Maybe add a line or even another stanza. That's just my opinion. On another note, I totally see ehat you mean. No one wants to be alone, but yet, in the end, almost everyone is. Also, with the whole wow-I-can-almost-see-where-this-came-from you got, it is amazing how we can feel so strongly about something, think we can't get it on paper just right, and then we do. Crazy, huh? Well, congradulations on your poem, and congradulations on making it onto the home screen! Good job!

Farewell,
-A.

very good emotional voice you portrayed
i felt every word that was written

Keep up the good work and NEVER give up.

Although this poem is sad, it made me happy when I read it (I know, I'm weird). I thought I was the only one who ever felt that way, and it's comforting to know that other people know how I feel and vice-versa (I'm guessing that you wrote this from experience?). Thank you for writing this!

Usually I don't even look at poems because I can't understand them, but I randomly decided to click on this. I'm glad I did. This is a great piece,

I talk to people,
but it's transient.
Five minute conversations
made up of small talk.

It's not what I want.

I love this. It is how I feel too often, always worried that even through this small talk the other person is judging me somehow.

I don't want to be alone.
I want to talk to someone
and do all the things that
I've heard friends do.


I want that togetherness;
that feeling of intimacy
you get when you
connect with someone.

Amen!

This is just awesome. Bravo.