Via Dolorosa

Spoiler

Greetings, clever friends -- do please tell me what you think of this. I'm not sure if I like it or not, I find it rather melodramatic in its fervent expression of grief, but I think its message is universal. I'm kind of thinking it might just be another one of those angsty useless poems that lose their meaning after time because of their abundancy. Bah, I don't know-- tell me what you think, and excuse a blubbering idiot.

"Via Dolorosa"

I want, my wanting empty and free:
Beggarly heedless steps in slipping sand.
The wind recalls an anger –
Something red and living like a second heart
Stirred by the stark rush of the hours.
Reality, vacuous and fetid,
Is a disappointment to these eyes.

For a hilly moment I am all
Running feet and spreading arms,
Outstretched like shabby flightless wings.
But then you are at my heels,
Your hand on my arm, stilling my
Childish pretense of liberty,
Holding me like a breath.

Your affection has ebbed and died,
But that is not the nature of my zeal.
I was a fool, and now a lunatic –
Was it not poetic to die for love?
Ah, idol or deity, I care not!
Mortal heart makes no difference, because in death
I too will forget, and that is travesty.

I have seen too much; the passers-by may close my eyes
Against the probing exposure of the rain,
For I shall not: in unconsciousness, I will not succumb.
They say I have lost my bloom –it is yours, all of it, yours.
I kneel in sentient poverty
And the moon, a helpless mother,
Studies whitely my simple pain.

Hi
I actually really liked your poem, I understand what you mean when you say it is a bit melodramatic
but it seems to work. The imagery is stunning too, and my favourite thing about it is when you
used such unique descriptive words, such as "studied whitely", "probing exposure", "beggarly heedless
steps" , and the "hilly moment". They make your poem so unique and add an awesome twist to what could
otherwise be a predictable description.
If I could give any advice it would be to work on the first stanza as it seems like words for the sake
of beautiful words rather than to add to the story of the poem... maybe make it easier to follow?
But otherwise, love love love it and your awesome descriptions and images,
Keep writing!
Tx

Yeah, this is pretty melodramatic, but it was beautifully written. I'm glad you decided to post this after all. I think the title for this was very appropriate. This seems to be a piece about the illusion of freedom without God. You seem to want to be free and at times you seem free. But, alone you know that you are guaranteed to stumble. So, you need to be reminded that you need God.

Anyway, that's just my interpretation. Nice job

Greg -- this poem actually had nothing to do with God, aside from the biblical allusions scattered throughout. For example, the title is the latin phrase for "way of grief", or Jesus' legendary trek to Golgotha. I used words frequently associated with religion, such as "zeal". In no other way does this poem have anything to do with God, at least not in my own interpretation of it. If it makes you think happy heavenly thoughts, great. But I'd rather get feedback on the literary and grammatical aspects of my work, not little sermons on how to improve myself in God's eye. If you feel you must proselytize, do please PM me.

Okay, I didn't mean to get all spiritual. I read what you wrote and I must have made the mistake of taking it at face value. I'll remember not to try so hard to find meaning in your poems and just stick to the literary points instead.