Madness

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Madness

You want to hear a story, child?
Well I have one for you,
About Madness and Death City,
And every word is true.

There is a place, I've heard,
Where mortals fear to roam.
Death rules the land with an iron grip.
There Madness makes his home.

Madness is a coward, child,
More a monster than a man.
He creeps into the hearts and minds
of everyone he can.

He hides beneath the city streets,
And in the walls and sky.
He watches our poor struggling world
with all his evil eyes.

He twists your thoughts and actions.
He fills your soul with doubt,
And when the Madness takes you,
There is no fast way out.

Destruction is his purpose,
To bathe the world in red.
If evil Madness had his way,
We'd all be worse than dead.

But we need not fear this Madness, child,
Lord Death has him locked tight.
He protects us all from that poor evil,
And will always win the fight.

You see Death is a righteous spirit,
Who guards over the meek.
He helps the souls who's times have come
But is a protection to the weak.

So sleep well, my little one,
And on the morrow rise.
For Death City is around you,
And here true Madness lies.
Last edited by TheRazzle on Fri Sep 30, 2011 6:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Cake and tea or death, cake or tea and death?! Little red cook book, little red cook book!
-Eddie Izzard

I am an evil herbivore. I will eat all the leaves on this tree. I will eat more leaves than I should... so that other giraffes may die!
-Also Eddie Izzard




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This was really good! I had to read it twice, because I didn't understand it, though, and even when I had finished I still didn't get the ending. I don't understand why a child would (or wouldn't?) be comforted by the fact that Death City is around them. It wasn't clear enough for me. The rest of the poem was easy to understand. It was just the last two stanzas that I had trouble with. I couldn't find any spelling or grammar mistakes, which is good. The rhyming scheme was good too, the rhythm was constant. I enjoyed the poem as a whole, but it could have had another stanza to really clear it up, unless you're going for a mysterious kind of feel.
-Anna
"For whether a place is a hell or a heaven rests in yourself, and those who go with courage and an open mind may find themselves in Paradise." - Eva Ibbotson (Journey to the River Sea)




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Good job! Often with rhyming poems there are at least a couple spots where the rhymes are awkward and the poet seems to have sacrificed meaning for rhyme. But in your case I don't think that happened at all. Just a couple nitpicks:

First of all, the line about all of us being dead "if Madness had his way." I don't understand how we'd all be dead from madness, that's all. If you can make me see it, then I'll accept it.

And then the other thing I don't get is - you say "if Madness had his way then we would all be dead," but then you say Death will protect us from Madness. So...??? I mean, at first it sounds like death is bad, and that's why madness is bad, because its purpose is to destroy us, but then you say that death will protect us from madness. There's a big contradiction there. Contradictions are okay, but this one just seems too big.

However, I like that the narrator is telling this to a younger person; I like the feeling it provides. Also, I really like these lines:

And when the Madness takes you,
There is no fast way out.


For Death City is around you,
And here true Madness lies.


I love those last two lines. They almost give the poem this extra eerie feeling that wasn't there before.

Hope this helped!
~Blue




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Thanks you guys! This poem is based off of a show I like, where Death City is a good place. I agree Anna, I wanted to add another stanza, but I was stuck. I'm planning on going back and clearing things up, I just wanted to get this posted.

Thanks you guys!
Cake and tea or death, cake or tea and death?! Little red cook book, little red cook book!
-Eddie Izzard

I am an evil herbivore. I will eat all the leaves on this tree. I will eat more leaves than I should... so that other giraffes may die!
-Also Eddie Izzard




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Wow! That was really good! I love it!
It's kind of twisted to think that Death is good, but it's a cool thought. I love how you made Madness a person, not just a thing. How he

creeps into the hearts and minds
of everyone he can


It's awesome!

And, I disagree with Anna. I thought the ending was a twist, both a comforting and discomforting thought that they live in Death City. It felt like one of those poems that you read at the beginning of a book that gets you hooked. I don't know, though, that might just be me.

And then, I also disagree with BlueAfrica. I think you made it clear that Madness's goal isn't to destroy or kill, but to... well, make you mad. :D

And, I love how you made this told to a child. I imaging a little old lady telling this to her grandchild and it adds I think more of a chill to the poem. Because no one tells kids the whole truth, so this is sugared up and sweetend, if that makes sense.

Anyway, I love it!
I'm the author of my own life. Unfortunately I'm writing in pen. Mistakes I make can not be erased, the only option is to turn the page and start a new chapter. <3

I'm single because God is busy writing the best love story.
<3 VuzzyCat




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Wow! I really felt this poem; this is really deep. I really enjoyed it!




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The personification of this noun 'Madness' is genius. It becomes even more deep when you use it as something that can consume us rather that something we acquire. It was great!! :)




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I liked the imagery you put in my head with this poem. It was fantastically written. I almost felt as if i was the child getting told the story haha. I loved it and I hope to see more poems from you.



Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think.
— Niels Bohr