Separation

my heart is torn
and yours is whole;
your heart is tattered
and mine is full -
we are separate,
but the same,
if only you would look

I love short poems, I love writing them, and I love reading them. This one confused me abit, if your heart is torn shouldn't it be tattered also? and the other persons would be whole, and full...right? Unless your trying to say that you have the same type of heart both full and torn and tattered and whole. . hmm idk , but I like it. I reallly like the idea of the poem, 2 hearts as one and all, yet being blind to it. Yeah, great job! might want to add a period to give the poem a complete look. and capitalize M in my. If you take my original advice, switch the " your heart is tattered" with " my heart is tatteredl" Then add a period after that so it will look something like this:

My heart is torn,
and your's is whole.
My heart is tattered,
and your's full.
We are separate,
but the same,
If only you would look.

--there ya go! and great job! You've got some great ideas!
-Little Lion Woman

I really think it has good intentions, but you started of on a wierd page. You said you were the one torn but the other person's is whole, but the next second you said different. I can see what you wanted to do, but I think if you add a bit more lines talking about the same kind of situation, it would have definitly made a good differnce. If you said:

my heart is torn
and yours is whole;
your heart is tattered
and mine is full
My Love still shines
While yours is dull;
Your love is fire
My flame is gone
(And continuously make stanzas with that same "flow")

It would have definitly gave the poem a "reason" or "line of logic" to follow. I can't really think of the word right now. Whoops. Anyways, great job, keep it up, hope to see more!