I used to be a butterfly

Spoiler

I wrote it thinking about my messed up childhood, but soon it turned out that it's very universal, as it's speaking of lost chances and unjust episodes.

I used to be a butterfly,
I used to play around with light.
Agile and quick--I never missed
And no one thought it would end like this.

But one day the light burnt me.
My graceful wings ached terribly.
It was the climax of my life,
The time I thought I was ready to die.

And I lost myself in pain,
I got to love it, I got insane;
The more it burnt, the more I craved,
But this path led me to my grave.

My graceful wings at last stopped still,
But I couldn't help my insanity.
And day by day, piece by piece
I got to lose my graceful wings.


I used to be a butterfly,
But now I'm nothing but a lie.
My shattered wings I hold to me
To cherish, what I could've been.

"It's not your fault," I tell myself,
"It's all their doing, they cut your flesh."
But it's no use, I still believe
I could've been different me.

With a little squeak here, and a squeak there, this poem could be even more beautiful than it already is.
Such things as the timing of words to create correct pacing and to give the appropriate effect. Or perhaps this is intentional? You have created this detatchment because it exaggerates how detatched you feel? I'm not sure, but either way, keep it in mind

I used to be a butterfly,
But now I'm nothing but a lie.

This seems a little cliche, and perhaps you could spin it around a little to make it your own.

Over all though, a wonderful poem You're still a butterfly, lovely!

I agree with the former review, this is a wonderful poem.

One of the hardest things to do is so calmly reflect on things of the past, especially those that are difficult to deal with. I think the analogy of a butterfly works really well because of this, not just as a description of the author, but the thoughts too that are portrayed here are very delicate and fragile. It's a brave thing to write.

True, it is quite universal. The positive of this is that it appeals to a large audiance. The negetive is that it blends into the wash a bit. By adding another few verses that relate particularly to your own experience you could put more of an essense of yourself into it.

Keep dipping into your emotions, good and bad, and keep writing. This is a good piece of work

And no one thought it would end like this.

This line kind of breaks up the flow... The word 'thought' is so bulky.

But one day the light burnt me,

And I lost myself in pain,
I got to love it, I got insane;
The more it burnt, the more I craved,
But this path led me to my grave.

Whoa, love this stanza.

I could've been a different me.

Hey there Volf!

Loved this poem! Other than the stuff I pointed out above I think it had great word structure and flow! Awesome job!

Keep writing,
Just