The hunter

Hi Matthew,

Overall, this was a pretty sweet poem. But I think some definition is really going to help it
and make it all clearer.

I'm guessing you were talking about a person with much darkness and bad inside of them and
then someone (the hunter) coming to help them get rid of their inner darkness. If this is what
you are trying to bring across, make it clearer so it really hits the reader in the face. If not,
probably even more reason to define it a bit more.

Also, I felt you revealed this right at the end, so maybe getting to the point a little quicker and
earlier in the poem may just be its true interest point. Also, maybe begin each line of the poem
with a capital letter.

On a brighter note, your use of adjectives was very, very good and it coloured the poem so well
done. Best wishes for future writing!

Miyakko.

There seemed some parts of the poem that could use a little bit of editing. I noticed there isn't any punctuation - is the poem meant to be read in one long breath? Punctuation could certainly divide it up, because I also noticed that the line breaks don't correspond to the ends of sentences (which is perfectly fine). Punctuation will help the reader know exactly what to do.

Another thing: What exactly are you attempting to accomplish with this poem? I read it to the end and now I'm trying to think about it, and I'm not quite sure what I should be getting from it. Overall it seems like a first draft, a rough idea - a monster - but I think it could be expressed a little more eloquently.

I feel, actually, that the hunter should receive a little more focus. Either that, or he should be saved for the very end, the final paragraph. His 'salvation' abilities seem to be suited more towards the end, rather than putting him in the second-to-last stanza. If anything, the final two can be snipped and cut.

Mostly, however, this appears very much to be a rough draft. And as such, I'm not entirely sure how to read it. Are you going to continue working on it? If not, there's not much else I can tell you.