Hello There Killer

2 posts
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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 7
Sickly sweet silver
flash in the light
blade’s trickle of warm and wet smiles
underlined by a depth of kohl shadows
wild guesses in the dark of the sun
as I glance at you and wonder
where you’ve been
and what you’ve done

Beautiful barbed arrows
fletched with disillusion
carefully test and probe your granite walls
unbreached by loving concern
you wrap yourself in glinting steel
and I can’t guess what you think
don’t know if I want to at that
or even speculate at what you feel

Down, down, down you take it
careful not to smudge the color
vivid wellings of fevered imagination
you murder innocence
of those you take
and leave behind
I'm thinking you must have been at it again
dare I ask?
darkness warns me I’ve been here before
shrill sanity screams I won’t like it now
when I didn’t like it then

But your red rum bloodlust
keeps demanding another sacrifice
to the aesthetic god you adore
he drinks the drip-drops of bleeding hearts
left content by murderers
with slashing silver daggers
you fall to your knees
and hear his resounding voices
commands from a cannibal
living in your head
and gladly do you set him free

Gasps of wretched pain
a mere echo reinforcing his will
home you brought your miserable god
and hailed me at the door
obvious expectation of my humble greeting
bronzing and flowing in your blood-stained face
well, hello there killer
whose heart did you break today?
one by one you slay them all
abject despair a fitting incense
for your treacherous god
heartbreak, they call him
he and I are old friends, as you might recall
"Maybe I wanted to hear it so badly that my ears betrayed my mind in order to secure my heart."
- Margaret Cho




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 688
I greatly enjoyed the images. In fact, they kept me enrapt in the poem. The first stanza was my favorite.

Down, down, down you take it

Bold move, but it worked. I love the repetition, which is rare.

The ending was a bit odd, though, as you tried to incorporate too much plot into a poem. Plot is more for stories, and it hard to use in poems. Unless, of course, it's narrative poetry.
Carpe Diem.



Moo.
— Cow