9/11

When I think back to that horrible day
September.11,2001
I don't remember much, but I know many lives were lost
It was a beautiful day, the sky was clear and blue; it was a perfect day, maybe to perfect.

No one expected two planes to crash into the famous Twin Towers.
No one knew they would catch on fire.
No one thought the towers would fall.
No one wanted nearly three thousand lives to perish.

The reason so many people died is because of one person, one vary powerful
and influential perso who did not like Americans or the way the majority of
the people believed religiously and politically. Osama Bin Laden

To me, even though the people who died may have seemed very ordinary,
or just a normal person who tried to save a life that terrible day and
sacrificed their lives or their well being to help a fellow human.
That is truly brave.
That makes me prou

I miss spelled person as perso

I miss spelled person as perso

No worries, click on the Edit button to the top right of your post and you can edit it to change whatever you need to. You left a d out on the word "proud" too, and "maybe to perfect" should be "maybe too perfect".

Okay, what you need to do here is replace as much of this as you can with great imagery and figurative language. As it is right now, it's really bland and it sounds like all the other 9/11 poems people wrote this year. 9/11/01 was a big deal, it was a horrific event full of many emotions, so you should be able to charge this poem with a lot of emotion. Right now, I'm not getting any emotion out of it. I mean, yes, the poem is all, "oh, it was so horrible and sad," but it's just SAYING that. It's not making me feel it.

Charge this poem with emotion. I know you can do it.

When I think back to that horrible day
September.no period 11,2001period
I don't remember much, but I know many lives were lostperiod
It was a beautiful day, the sky was clear and blue; it was a perfect day, maybe to perfect. You have foreshadowing here but its extremely common foreshadowing.

Just a comment on your entire poem make sure to play with your words. Don't use day to day words, or at least use them in a way to make them interesting. This is a poem I want imagery, imagery, imagery!

No one expected two planes to crash into the famous Twin Towers.
No one knew they would catch on fire.
No one thought the towers would fall.
No one wanted nearly three thousand lives to perish.
I don't necessarily like this stanza... Doesn't feel like a poem so far. The fire and the fall seem unneeded

The reason so many people died is because of one person, one varyvery powerful
and influential persoperson. End the sentence there or its a run on. who did not like Americans or the way the majority of the people believed religiously and politically.comma no period Osama Bin Ladenperiod

Here its becoming more of a story, and even LESS of a poem.

To me, even though the people who died may have seemed very ordinary,
or just a normal person who tried to save a life that terrible daycomma and
sacrificed their lives or their well being to help a fellow human. How did sacrifice them selves?
That is truly brave.
That makes me prouproud

.

This piece needs a little work.

PM me or post on my wall if you have any questions!

-Boo

Hello(: I enjoyed reading your poem, but I really want to address some small problems. Okay?

When I think back to that horrible day comma,
September.11,2001 This should look like this: September 11th, 2001.
I don't remember much, but I know many lives were lost period.
It was a beautiful day, the sky was clear and blue; it was a perfect day, maybe too perfect.

No one expected two planes to crash into the famous Twin Towers.
No one knew they would catch on fire.
No one thought the towers would fall.
No one wanted nearly three thousand lives to perish.

I like the use of the word "no" and the four statements in this stanza. Good job!

The reason s So many people died is because of one person, one very powerful comma,
andVery influential person who did not like Americans comma, or the way the majority of
the people believed religiously and politically. Osama Bin Laden period.

To me, even though the people who died may have seemed very ordinary,
or just a normal person who tried to save a life that terrible day comma,
who sacrificed their lives or their well being to help a fellow human.
That is truly brave.
That makes me proud

One issue I have with your poem is that it's more informational and short story-ish than lyrical. It's a poem. Beautiful, emotional, etc. Work on it. PM me if you need any help(:

~Fortissimo