Change

5 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1148
Reviews 84
Spoiler
So, I don't usually write poetry, but I was going through an old notebook and came across this. I had written it way back when my parents split up, and haven't touched it since. I just kind of felt like sharing it after all this time. Anyway, reviews are welcome :)


Tears of sorrow,
Sobs of pain,
After today,
everything will change.

Sometimes the solution,
is the difficult road,
but I thought nothing had changed,
so how can this be so?

Nothing else matters;
these things that have hurt me of late,
because now I have this new,
and terribly final fate.

I feel weak, broken,
and ultimately trapped,
leaving will be hard,
but not as hard as looking back.

I understand the issue;
and that I am not the reason why.
But I still wonder sometimes,
could I have changed this if I had tried?

I need this home- this life,
I need motivation...
But all I can hope for is strength,
and a sense of the right direction.

I'm not sure how to feel anymore,
it's all becoming a blur.
So I'll close my eyes, drift asleep,
and expect the very worst.
Last edited by briggsy1996 on Wed Sep 21, 2011 1:07 am, edited 2 times in total.
but the sky is love and i am for you
just so long and long enough
-E.E. Cummings




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1090
Reviews 5
I think on the last line you mean to "expect" the very worst. Other than that let me say that I know how you feel. I've been having similar thoughts myself lately and you have put them into words more eloquently than I could have.
-=Mary Mary Quite Contrary=-




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 15440
Reviews 245
Hello there!

First off, I genuinely like this poem; my favorite part is the overall feeling of it. It comes off feeling just a little bit raw, which I like; it's relevant with your topic. It is relatively simple but it conveys what you wanted to say very well. So, great work there.

I'm not sure how to feel anymore,
it's all becoming a blur.
So I'll close my eyes, drift asleep,
and expect the very worst.


This is probably my favorite stanza. It makes me think of falling asleep and knowing that you can't escape your problems but trying anyway.

Sometimes the solution,
is the difficult road,
but I thought nothing had changed,
so how can this be so?


This is the only part of this piece that I'm not in love with. It seems a little disconnected. While I read your poem, it made me stop for a moment and try to figure out what you were trying to say, but not in a good way. Still, with a little bit of polishing up, it could be as amazing as the rest of the poem.

Great work! Keep writing! :)
“...it's better to feel the ache inside me like demons scratching at my heart than it is to feel numb the way a dead body feels when you touch it."

-Brian James




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 67548
Reviews 1634
Wow, a great message to bring across. You should definitely write poems more often! I think you had a very strong beginning and end and the message was strong and clear. You sort of had a rhyming scheme, I guess thats okay. Sometimes it seemed a little off. I only have one other correction:

briggsy1996 wrote:Sometimes the solution,
is the difficult road,
but I thought nothing had changed,
so how can this be so?


I think you have a really great flow of the words here, and that little word 'so' at the end kind of interrupted it and made it a teeny bit too long. But apart from that the flow felt very smartly put together. I love the title as well!

Deanie x
Trust in God and all else follows.

Deanie, dominating the world since it was cool @Pompadour, 2014
Your username reminds me of a hotdog @Stegosaurus, 2015
Tried to make puns out of your username, but every attempt has been Deanied @Candywizard, 2015




Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 300
Reviews 0
I liked it it was very understandable and relatable. keep writing:)



He looks like a turtle who's been through the Vietnam war.
— SirenCymbaline the Kiwi