Dearest Max,

child-feet walk in shadows
words stitching red marks down backs and
wondering when the tree
will fall, wonder when impaling twigs will catch them
off-stride. little hands dig
little seeds into the earth, spread
like acorns in harvest.

smoke-soap bubbles erupt from red-marked fingers
on castle walls, exploding like bombshells
against tree-bark. still
the tree grows and blooms, young limbs
stretched in sync, as if reaching for something.

but the clouds pull away
in sneering allure, and over night skies streak axes
at the tree, vicious and seductive. like
children they pull away, dance with little fingers
through starlight. bark painted red-yellow
falls, hearing
snapped tree limbs call from the top
to land on the acorns, but roots twist the other way.

Hi there First of all, good job! There were some really good images in here. There was a certain fragmented feel to this poem which I liked. I think this was created by the hyphens that you put everywhere, it really conveyed a feeling of confusion. To me, this is probably going to sound pretty weird, but this is how I saw it. You know those little spinning round chair things in playground (sorry for the terrible description), the ones where you sit inside them and then spin around really fast until you feel sick. This poem reminded me of the little glimpses of the world outside that you get when your spinning around. They are bright little flashes, I think this poem has colour-

red-marked fingers

etc etc. There was a real reoccurrence of the colour red actually, I'm not really sure what you're trying to convey here. I got out of it that red is a vibrant colour but maybe you were going for something different with the

words stitching red marks down backs and

. I think a confusing part of this poem is it's tone, I'm not really sure if it's meant to be sinister or happy. You do a very good job of creating tone with strong verbs such as impaling in

will fall, wonder when impaling twigs will catch them
off-stride

, it's just that to me, the tone seems to jump back and forth. Because it then says;

little hands dig
little seeds into the earth, spread
like acorns in harvest.

, and to me that image of the children seems more of an innocent, children renewing the world, kind of image.
That said, there were some really, really great parts in here. I really liked the tree imagery. I particularly liked this part

the tree grows and blooms, young limbs
stretched in sync, as if reaching for something.

... this part makes me realise that perhaps I'm really not getting the meaning of the poem, I can see that there is a reiteration of trees and children and that perhaps the children represent the trees who are constantly growing, but then they're being chopped down? I wouldn't worry, my poetic interpretation isn't always the greatest so hopefully some more reviews will help. And plus the fragmented, confused, flashing of colour tone of it is exaggerated by its flitting tone, so maybe that was deliberate.
Anyway, I liked it It reminds me of the beautiful way the sun dapples through the trees but I'm not really sure why.. Keep writing!! -Rachel

Hey Kaf,

You really REALLY need to work on grammar. Watch those run on sentences. As far as context it was nicely written. Some parts have to much descriptions.

Childs? feet walk in shadows,
words stitching red marks down backs.
Wondering when the tree
will fall, wonder when impaling twigs will catch them
off-stride. Little hands dig
little seeds into the earth, spread
like acorns in harvest.

Smoke-soap Smoke soap? Not really making sense there. You use dashed where you should not. bubbles erupt. From red no dash marked fingers
on castle walls, exploding like bombshells
against tree barkno dash.
Still the tree grows, and blooms, young limbs
stretched in sync, as if reaching for something. Try for something other then wanting something. Life, love, freedom ect...

The clouds pull away
in sneering allure.
Over night skies streak axes
at the tree, vicious and seductive, like
children they pull away, dance with little fingers
through starlight.
Bark painted red-yellow falls, hearing Redish Yellow?
snapped tree limbs call from the top
to land on the acorns.
Roots twist the other way.

I haven't really reviewed anything of yours in a while, have I?
hm. Well, I'll come back to this.