My Blood, My Own

Blurs. Multicolored, smudged blurs surrounding me. The flashing of cameras, the soft-edged hues of fabric, the hard metallic surface of the bleachers....they were all morphing into one senseless blob of insanity. I was falling in slow motion, hurtling through the air, strangely aware of the butterflies fluttering in my midsection, until my head clattered against the floor and I snapped out of it.

That was that. It was enough. I couldn't take any more. Who was I to think that I could've won this fight anyway? I was just a weakling, a delusional girl who fancied that she could stand up to people stronger than her and win. Staring blankly down at the floor, panting as I attempted to catch my breath, I saw it fall.

There wasn't much of it. It was just a drop, a splash, of my own scarlet blood. I touched a trembling finger to my lip and brought it away, looking at the bright red smudge on the tip. That had been mine. It had traveled in my veins from the tips of my toes to my chapped lips, filling my body with life as it went. It had thundered through my heart, keeping me alive. That was my blood, my own, and now it had left me. How dare she. How dare she think she could take my blood and get away with it.

My lip stung as a drop of sweat seeped across where it had been split. A thin, frail shard of pain, it was nothing compared to the agony that I knew defeat would put me through. How many times had I felt defeat and given in? How many times had I admitted that I was weak and crawled away from a fight?

Staring out through the tendrils of damp hair hanging limply over my face, something snapped. That was it. I couldn't take it anymore.

I felt it gathering inside me, every bit of emotion that I had left. The anger, the pain, the sorrow, the loneliness... they all grouped together, rallying somewhere behind my eyes, burning. A thousand voices, screaming furiously at me, telling me to give up and walk away, taunting me, telling me that I wasn't good enough.

"No more," I muttered. "That's enough. That's enough."

I limped to my feet, focusing every bit of energy I had on my opponent. I wiped my sleeve against my lip, not caring as the blood stained it. My opponent's formerly cocky eyes grew surprised as she saw the deathly glare in mine. I grinned insanely.

As I held my fists in front of me and waited for the judge to tell us to start, I saw the blood on my fist. My blood, my own. No one will ever take it from me again.

Just like she didn't.

Hey I really, really like this, it was great- well done!!!
The whole thing flowed really nicely and kept me interested until the very end, you kept it exciting. You also kept it beautifully ambiguous so the reader had to wait to find out what was happening. I really liked your opening paragraph, the first two short sentences really worked! And i loved the thought of blobs haha. I also loved the way you made the blood something that she took ownership of, it was great- i've never really seen blood described that way. The only part I didn't get was

until my head clattered against the floor and I snapped out of it.

I understand it now that I've read the end but it's just a bit too confusing when you don't know what's going on yet. I can't really say much more on it- Good Job! -Rachel

Hihello! I have decided to be the second reviewer on this here lovely story!

Blurs. Multicolored, smudged blurs surrounding me. The flashing of cameras, the soft-edged hues of fabric, the hard metallic surface of the bleachers....they were all morphing into one senseless blob of insanity. I was falling in slow motion, hurtling through the air, strangely aware of the butterflies fluttering in my midsection, until my head clattered against the floor and I snapped out of it.

MY GOSH! What a great way to begin a story! so much detailed chalked up in those first few lines! I was drawn in immediately, and wasn't even released once the story ended! I give you much kudos on this first paragraph -- it was just as descriptive as the rest, but so clearly did I see what the character was seeing!

My lip stung as a drop of sweat seeped across where it had been split. A thin, frail shard of pain, it was nothing compared to the agony that I knew defeat would put me through.

I also absolutely adore this description! I can clearly feel it and relate to it.

OVERALL:
Well, I really enjoyed this. I think one of the main things I liked best (aside from writing style) was the fact that the main character was a girl. Before I'd read that she was in fact a girl, all I could imagine was a guy. I like how you decided to twist it slightly!

Great job! Keep writing!