Temporarily Removed

This poem is temporarily removed for entry in a contest. It'll be back in a few months.

This is amazing! Great job. I especially liked the second stanza.

But oh no - what's this?
Something's pulling you down
To the earth, to the gravel,
To the grass, to the ground,
To the pavement, the concrete,
To the city's loud noise.
You're gravity's prisoner,
But you maintain your poise.

It was super cool! I thought you used really really good Imagery. The whole thing fits together in a wonderful way. I also like the rhyme scheme, I miss poems that rhyme . Kudos.

Amazing if I must say so myself! (And i must) I wasn't sure what to make of the poem until the very end, and it added a sort of strange suspense. (A good strange suspense.) I only have a single change for you to consider.

To the earth, to the gravel,
To the grass, to the ground,
To the pavement, the concrete,
To the city's loud noise.

Before each noun you have "To the..." except concrete. It kinda disrupted the flow a little for me.
Other than that, beautiful poem!

Keep writing
arspoetica

Wow this was amazing it flowed really well and the rhyming was perfect. By perfect I mean that all the rhyming words fit in the context of the poem just right. The meaning of this poem was incredible and the overall message by the time you finished reading the poem was really heart warming. I hope this poem gets featured! Great job on this, awesome poetry writing skills!
Peace,
Snickerdooly

hi!Here to review!!!

You see only the sky
YouTaste only the air,
You Feel only freedom,

Okay, I see You you you you over and over again. Let's fix that. Better.

You haven't a care,
For the world down below.

You don't care about the people,
Or the cars that rush past.

To the earth, to the gravel,
To the grass, to the ground.

In that moment
On the swing
When you're not a kid,

You've got wings.

Fixed the spacing here.

Overall, it's a very nice poem. I really liked it.
~Drama