The Dagger of Truth (Chapter 1 part Two)

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Chapter 1 I Kill the Coffee Table
Part Two


I nodded and went down the hall, passing the living room and turning down the hallway. I turned right after going a ways to get into my room. (Thanos had had a say in the decorating. Probably because he hoped that one day he’d be staying in it with me.) My room was painted a deep, sea blue, my bed was off to the side and was circular rather than rectangular, with black silk sheets flowing off the edges. Sometimes I’d have a curtain around it that was a black waterfall. The rest of my furniture was comfortable, even though it looked like it came from the Gothic era. A wall of water hid the black closest doors, making it look like a cave was hidden behind the fall of water. Being a Naiad, I didn’t have to worry about the water soaking my clothes and floor. There was also a small fountain on the wall that looked like it belonged in ancient Greece, underwater plants in vases that were distinctly Egyptian around it. Above the fountain was a small fire surrounded by water. It never went out no matter what was done to it. The water dimmed the light, so I didn’t have to deal with it at night, but I’d never get rid of it. That small flame was for Sarah, so in case she was ever in danger, she had an escape route. The book case was nearly full, so books were strewn about the room’s flat surfaces, for fun ones as well as magic ones. There weren’t any windows in my room, it would have let too much heat in. Sarah’s room was next door, with a bathroom in between. We shared the bathroom and had connecting doors to it. It was HUGE! It had a tub the size of small pool, a wonderful shower, a steam room and two sinks. Everything a fire and water elf needed to relax. We often used it to get to each other’s rooms and avoid the boys. I’d warmed back up enough to turn the balls back in to water. “Deep breath in, deep breath out...” Thanos took that moment to interrupt my calming down.
“You should have listened to me. Then you wouldn’t have to be doing this.”
“Didn’t I tell you to can it?”
Silence. That was never good. Either it meant I was going to have to go soul collecting steamed, or Thanos wanted me to go kill something. The killing something would be easier to accomplish. Scaring souls was bad, the Heavenly waiting for me to bring them frowned on terrified souls, the Fear Demons and pretty much every other Demon didn’t care one way or another, they just wanted the unfortunate soul.
I sighed in defeat, he was annoying at times, but he was my reaper. I loved him, and always would love him. Hell, he’d protected me from Morgana, and we’d been dating for two hundred years before that. How could I not love him? I hopped off of my bed, walked to the door and opened it. I was going to go in search of Sarah to tell her I was going to start up the steam room, and ask if she’d like to sit in there with me. We often talked in the steam room, and argued about what scent to have in there.
I looked down the hallway and saw that Nate had just walked past. Impulsively, I melded all three balls of water together and aimed at Nate. I let my anger take over as I shot the ball at him. It propelled him down the hallway, right past Walter who was leaving his room, and into the living room wall. Thanos was laughing with glee. So that’s what he wanted, I thought, pleased that that mystery was solved. I walked down the hall with my best I’m-Going-To-Kick-Butt walk past Nate, and into the living-room. I immediately turned around. A quick glance at Nate’s hands as he stood up told me that they were pouring magic. Good job Tori. Now your going to have to deal with that, I thought to myself. He lashed out at me with it and I was launched backwards into the coffee table. I winced as pain shot up and down my back, and my anger turned into rage. It started to build up in me. One because of being thrown into the coffee table. Two, I had quite liked that coffee table. Three, I hated being thrown into the coffee table. Had I already mentioned that? Water started dripping from my hands and sandy brown hair. At least the drops aren’t freezing. I thought, trying to stem my rage enough that I wouldn’t kill Nate.
“I just got that fixed!” Sarah shouted. I snuck a glance at her. Her hands were red hot, her hair was no longer passive, sparks were dancing along the strands and falling to the floor, harmless. It would be a blaze though if she didn’t calm down, I could see the heat shimmering off her. Then she scorched the table. Which just increased the sparking further, increasing it until it was on the brink of lighting up, she was furious as well. I heard her grumble about having to buy a steel one, which might hold up better a distant part of my mind supplied. Two elves, who were best friends and furious, was never fun to deal with. Great, just great, I thought as Walter stepped into the room, pulling out his reed pipes as he did so. The gang is all here, I thought with irritation. He played a note on his reed pipes and black started to creep into my vision. In seconds, I was asleep. I heard Xavier’s ringtone on Sarah’s cell, Secrets, as if from a distance. I remembered many things in that one moment. Mainly that Xavier would be coming over, and would hopefully arrive before Sarah and I killed Nate. My last thought though, was of pain and how I was going to be sore in the morning. I was probably going to be wondering why I had splinters in my back, and why we had to buy a new coffee table as well.
Last edited by Deathcurrent on Sat Oct 22, 2011 2:29 am, edited 4 times in total.
“Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here.” -- Spock from Star Trek

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Hi.

First of all, I'd like to say your composition was good. I like the way you describe the settings in detail.

My room was painted a deep, sea blue, my bed was off to the side and was circular rather than rectangular, with black silk sheets flowing off the edges. Sometimes I’d have a curtain around it that was a black waterfall. The rest of my furniture was comfortable, even though it looked like it came from the Gothic era.

For me this way was good.

I suggest you break those blocks into paragraph.

Didn’t I tell you to can it?” Silence. That was never good. Either it meant I was going to have to go soul collecting steamed, or Reaper wanted me to go kill something. The killing something would be easier to accomplish. Scaring souls was bad, the Heavenly waiting for me to bring them frowned on terrified souls, the Fear Demons and pretty much every other Demon didn’t care one way or another, they just wanted the unfortunate soul. I sighed in defeat, he was annoying at times, but he was my Reaper. I loved him, and always would love him. Hell, he’d protected me from Morgana, and we’d been dating for two hundred years before that. How could I not love him? I hopped off of my bed, walked to the door and opened it. I was going to go in search of Sarah to tell her I was going to start up the steam room, and ask if she’d like to sit in there with me. We often talked in the steam room, and argued about what scent to have in there.

A very long paragraph. It was hard to read it like that.
I think that's all from me. I just commenting from my own perspective.

I hope you write again very soon.

Ir.
If you can't fly, then run. If you can't run, then walk. If you can't walk then crawl. No matter how hard it is, just keep moving forward.




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Didn’t I tell you to can it?” Silence. That was never good. Either it meant I was going to have to go soul collecting steamed, or Reaper wanted me to go kill something. The killing something would be easier to accomplish. Scaring souls was bad, the Heavenly waiting for me to bring them frowned on terrified souls, the Fear Demons and pretty much every other Demon didn’t care one way or another, they just wanted the unfortunate soul. I sighed in defeat, he was annoying at times, but he was my Reaper. I loved him, and always would love him. Hell, he’d protected me from Morgana, and we’d been dating for two hundred years before that. How could I not love him? I hopped off of my bed, walked to the door and opened it. I was going to go in search of Sarah to tell her I was going to start up the steam room, and ask if she’d like to sit in there with me. We often talked in the steam room, and argued about what scent to have in there.


For me it wasn't hard to read, but for others it may be hard to read so i agree with irsyad23. Break it up.




My room was painted a deep, sea blue, my bed was off to the side and was circular rather than rectangular, with black silk sheets flowing off the edges. Sometimes I’d have a curtain around it that was a black waterfall. The rest of my furniture was comfortable, even though it looked like it came from the Gothic era.



I like the imagery usage.
(my english teacher would totally burst into tears for the awesome use of imagery!




over all it was good i look foward to reading more :)
Keep up the good work!
" The little girl ran into the angel’s arms and into heaven, while I flew to hell."-by EvensLily
a spactacular YWS writer!



To gain your own voice, you have to forget about having it heard.
— Allen Ginsberg