Irene

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3733
Reviews 1417
Spoiler
I wrote this poem about Hurricane Irene that hit the east coast this past weekend. I'm not the best poet out there, so don't expect much out of this. Tear it apart if you want, I won't take it personally.


A storm tore through the night,
its winds pounding against houses up and down the east coast--
rain following close behind, flooding streets
water reaching almost as tall as I.
Its path was clear, no mountains to stop
the thunderous devestation as it traveled farther.

Despite the leaves and branches that litter my lawn
and my neighbor's pond overflowing, the worst of Irene passed us by.
The hurricane picked up speed in the night and
tore through New York--the city that never sleeps
slept that night, hiding from the storm, trying to secure
the lifestyle it lives.

The sea was the real enemy--
throwing waves around, swallowing the land.
The wind did its part as well, bending trees
and powerlines alike,
leaving thousands without power
and the number is still growing.

Irene, I thank you,
for bringing my family together (we all rode out the storm together)
and trapping me in my house. Without you I would not
have been able to write this. You may have stolen power from others,
but you kept mine alive and well,
at least until two days after you left.

Yet how dare you do so much?
How dare you damage so much property, leave some people
with barely anything left.
How dare you set a tornado loose in the area
you already ripped apart? Do you not have any
feelings of regret?

I have mixed feelings about you, Irene--
loving and hating you all the same.
So could you please fizzle out and stop your path
from hitting others less fortunate than I?
Isabelle was destructive enough,
no need to try and out do her.
Noelle is the name, reviewing and writing cliffhangers is the game.

Writer of fantasy, action/adventure, and magic. Huzzah!

* * *

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done." -- Steven Wright

YWS is life




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1136
Reviews 18
Hi. :)
I love that you wrote this poem about Irene. It was a poem that needed to be written.
Anyhow, I love the idea of it. Your mixed feelings about it's beauty and drawing you closer to your family as well as teh devastation it's left behind.
However, I feel like you took it a little too literally. You said exactly what you meant, cut and dry, plain and simple. If you're just going to do that, then you can just write a creative nonfiction story. But this is a poem and poetry is about using imagery and metaphor and rhythm to convey your feelings. You have the subject matter, you've just got to push through all the literal, cohearant thoughts. At least, that's how I feel about it.
You did have some really fantastic moments in this piece.
I loved
New York--the city that never sleeps
slept that night, hiding from the storm, trying to secure
the lifestyle it lives.


and the how you portrayed the sea as an enemy and how Irene doesn't have to try and "outdo" Isabelle.

Keep writing,
xx Jade.
We revel in the unabashed glory of the mind meeting a page.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1208
Reviews 20
Love how you wrote a poem about the storm! Very clever idea and I would've never thought to do something like this. Great use of descriptive words. The poem really flows together and was very entertaining to read! Keep writing!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1647
Reviews 57
Hi again Noelle!

I live on the east coast as well! Nice to know I'm not alone. :D

About your poem:

the thunderous devestation as it traveled farther.
devastation

Despite the leaves and branches that litter my lawn
and my neighbor's pond overflowing, the worst of Irene passed us by.
The hurricane picked up speed in the night and
tore through New York-
You used "tore" to describe the hurricane's movement already

The sea was the real enemy--
throwing waves around, swallowing the land.
Ooooh, I like that. Great image.

Yet how dare you do so much?
How dare you damage so much property, leave some people
with barely anything left.
How dare you set a tornado loose in the area
you already ripped apart? Do you not have any
feelings of regret?


I think you've unintentionally voiced the feelings of all who were affected. It's powerful. I can feel the emotions of many in your words.


General impression?
I like that you didn't make a poem about a horrible, destructive storm flowery or romantic or pretty sounding. There was a very matter of fact tone throughout this piece and I feel it's very appropriate for the topic.

I also like that you included the conflicting emotions you have about the storm. Your family was brought together, but it cost others a lot.

I hope you and your family and friends really were mostly unaffected by the storm!

-Maggie
"Why kill time when you can kill yourself?"
-Voltaire



Never use your shield as a dinner plate, for that is when the enemy is most likely to attack.
— The KotGR Commander