Sonnet of the Storm

4 posts
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Gender Female
Points 367
Reviews 165
In moments' peace there is calamity-
A swindl’d breath is caused by something great,
And true calm is the greatest rarity.
Cherish these brief times, lest you come too late.

The most rever’d thunderstorms are those that
Flash brightest, those whose thunder shakes windows.
Many quiet-seekers joy in the cat-
And-mouse rambunction from start to the close.

Inner silence comes in the thunder's call,
And so I stand there, watching the rain fall.

My thoughts fall into order as I count
The seconds between each flash, crash, and boom.
The stack’d clouds display their power, they flaunt
'Cross the sky in glitter, outside my room.

Each shimmering model is escorted by
Her deep-throated suitor. Their presence is
Known across the world. Age-old infamy
Does them justice. The crowds cheer when they kiss.

I envy the closeness that they have found,
So I stand and watch the rain falling down.
Shakespearian tongue-twister:

To sit in solemn silence
In a dark, dank dock
In a pestilential prison
With a lifelong lock;
Awaiting the sensation
Of a short, sharp shock
Of a cheap, chippy chopper
On a big black block.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1050
Reviews 4
Ooooh! I like it! Great wording! My favorite lines are:
Quote:
"Each shimmering model is escorted by
Her deep-throated suitor. Their presence is
Known across the world. Age-old infamy
Does them justice. The crowds cheer when they kiss."
Very dramatic, good flow though it all! :D

The only thing I thought was confusing was the little dashes.
Quote:
"Many quiet-seekers joy in the cat-
And-mouse rambunction from start to the close."

I may just be a little oblivious (blonde) , but I don't really know what the dashes are doing there...but, that may just be me. Great piece! Keep it up! :D
Ninja. Enough said.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1017
Reviews 8
The rythm and pace of this piece is great :D it's dramatic and capturing, and just flows of your tongue, it's really beautiful :] very powerful indeed!
You've really captured the imagery of a thunder storm as well, but not just the visuals but the emotional link, the excitement and curiosity. I can clearly see the clouds and imagine I'm there, and I like how you mention the counting the second between the flash and boom as I think everyone does that at the first sight of lightning ^^ it's easy to relate to.
You have a strong way with words and imagery, very mature and educated ( if that term's correct? ) I could've mistaken this for a published poets work :]
Well done, and if you want anything reviewed pm me, I'd be happy to see more of your work if it's as good as this.
XxXxX




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 284
Reviews 103
Wow! Great piece. I loved the tone. You really captured the feeling of a thunderstorm. Storms are one of my favorite things to write about for this reason- they are so diverse and mean a lot of things to a lot of people. It's great to see how others perceive them. Keep it up, you're doing great!
`•.¸¸.•´´¯`••._.•`•.¸¸.•´´¯`••._.•

“The circus arrives without warning.
No announcements precede it.
It is simply there,
When yesterday it was not.”

`•.¸¸.•´´¯`••._.•`•.¸¸.•´´¯`••._.•



I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work.
— Thomas Edison