Twisted Nursery Rhymes

Jack and jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water.
Jack held jill down, by her crown,
until she was fully under.

Up jack got, and home did trot,
as fast as he could caper.
He hid away for a fifty days
til Jill's name left the papers.

People say, He ran away,
but no-one knows for sure.
But either way, from that day,
Jack was innocent no-more.

Spoiler

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown,
And Jill came tumbling after.
Up Jack got, and home did trot,
As fast as he could caper,
To old Dame Dob, who patched his nob
With vinegar and brown paper.

Mondays child is fair of face,
Tuesdays child is full of graces,
Wednesdays child is beaten blue,
Thursdays child flees from you,
Fridays child has nothing to eat,
Saturdays child has no shoes for feet,
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
will never see their first birthday.

Spoiler

Mondays child is fair of face,
Tuesdays child is full of grace,
Wednesdays child is full of woe,
Thursdays child has far to go,
Fridays child is loving and giving,
Saturdays child works hard for his living,
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.

Goosey Goosey Gander where shall I wander,
Upstairs, downstairs and in his lady's chamber
There I met the old man who was clinging to a knife,
Blood was dripping through the rafters; he has killed his wife.

Spoiler

Goosey Goosey Gander where shall I wander,
Upstairs, downstairs and in my lady's chamber
There I met an old man who wouldn't say his prayers,
I took him by the left leg and threw him down the stairs.

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the statement came out today,
Georgie Porgie was locked away.

Spoiler

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play,
Georgie Porgie ran away.

the best one was the first and the last. The first because the seamless transition, the last because the effortlessness in which it was transformed. Fun exercise! Kind of reminds me of changing ode to joy into a minor key to produce ode to sorrow. Anyway, you should do more of these, and check out a book called NOW WE ARE SICK. It's an anthology edited by Stephen Jones and Neil Gaiman and this reminds me of that. Maybe you already do this, but there's a lot of potential to write really macabre poetry in forms that usually are children's poems. It's a pretty untouched genre too, you don't see it very often maybe because there isn't much of a market for it but... what kind of poetry does?

Hi there!

Wow, this was a great idea! I have never heard of someone re--writing old nursery rhymes. I'm impressed that you came up with the idea!

I liked all of these! I have never heard of the second and third nursery rhymes, so they didn't really have an effect on me (although I thought they were funny). My favorite one was the one about Jack and Jill. I found myself laughing and I don't know why. But I like the twist you put into it. I'm also quite impressed that you made your words fit perfectly with the already established rhythms. The last one was good as well.

Overall these are great! Keep writing!

WOW! Ok that was pretty cool. I could see those becoming like, twisted fairy tale movies. They're really interesting. I guess for "NitPicks" I'll do them one poem at a time:

1:

Jack and jill (Capitolize) went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water.
Jack held jill (again) down, by her crown,
until she was fully under.

Up jack (Once more) got, and home did trot,
as fast as he could caper.
He hid away for a fifty days (Comma)
til (Apostrophe) Jill's name left the papers.

People say, He ran away,
but no-one knows for sure.
But either way, from that day,
Jack was innocent no-more.

I Like this one, It's very dark and mysterious. Why would Jack kill his sister? Hmmm...

2:

Mondays child is fair of face,
Tuesdays child is full of graces (I say, drop the "S",
Wednesdays child is beaten blue,
Thursdays child flees from you,
Fridays child has nothing to eat,
Saturdays child has no shoes for feet, (Add a his/her/their here, I think it will help the flow)
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
will never see their first birthday

This one is sad because it is very true. I saw a site once that showed where different children sleep, all were very different...

3:

Goosey Goosey Gander where shall I wander,
Upstairs, downstairs and in his lady's chamber (Punctuation)
There I met the old man who was (Replace "Who was" with a comma. Helps the flow) clinging to a knife,
Blood was dripping through the rafters; he has killed his wife.

4:

Georgie Porgie (comma) pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry (Period)
When the statement came out today,
Georgie Porgie was locked away.

This one I didn't quite understand, however, that's not a surprise. I am often rather slow.

5: OVERALL, I like them. This is a creative Idea and I'd think you should continue them by making them into short stories perhaps. Give the tale behind the rhyme. One thing I did notice was you're inconsistant with capitalization at the beginning of each line. I really like this. Keep writing!
Emoh

o_O

I feel slightly emotionally scarred after reading this. But perhaps that's a good thing.

Not having a description of what you were doing, and going straight to the poems, was kind of cool. It gave me a greater sense of creepiness, like you are someone who wrote these with the blinds completely close and the computer screen reflecting eerily off your face. *shivers* But of course you're not like that, right? Right?!

Aaanyways, I've never seen this done before, and I thought it was a neat idea. You executed it well (umm... was that a pun?) and I enjoyed reading these while simultaneously questioning the legitimacy of the originals. Some nursery rhymes are disturbing to begin with.

Okay, so great concept, great writing.
Haha, this wasn't too helpful was it? Oh, well. Thanks for the read!
-Dai

Hi there

So--quick review, because to be perfectly honest, I don't have much to say. I think that the first and last were my favorites as they just tended to work best, and the middle poems seemed to have some rhythm and... I'm not quite sure, maybe fluidity issues? I think that the rhymes didn't fit quite a neatly as they did in other parts and that you didn't quite carry the original cadence as well, but regardless, these were all wonderfully done, so good job.

It's good getting back our memories

I loved it! ;DDD
Very nice ^^

My favorite was the first and second last one.
They were funny...

Giving added details to nursery rhymes is a good idea, I must say.

Good Job!
Would give this a 8/10.

Cheers and Regards,
Cookie
or
LM