Toxic Personality

WOW you need to fix this part

Scream
Yell,
Throw a fit.
Lose your mind.
Leave home,
Choose your friends.
Choose her,,
I don't care.
Be selfish.

But Over All AWESOME JOB!!!!

I loved reading this whole poem!! Your poem was amazing, I really loved your imagery, and the way you spaced out the words. I made me capture that persons feelings!! Lovely!!

Hi!! This is an awesome poem. I can really feel the emotion behind it. It has some problems with punctuation, but you might have meant to leave that out, I'm not sure. Either way, it's still awesome.

Lose your mind
Leave home
Choose your friends
Choose her
I don't care

That's my favorite part. That's what love's about, accepting somebody for you they are no matter what's going on in their life or what happens to them along the way. Love is forever. In a way, that's the part about love that's both a curse and a blessing. Anyways, thats how I see it.

Great work! Keep writing!!

Hello AnAmericanTeenager,

I liked this, actually I liked it a lot. I liked the general kind of feeling about this and the way it told so much in just a little section. It was actually better shorter in my opinion, long poems tend to stray to far from the original topic which frustrates me but this was perfect it was simple, down to earth and straight to the point. I like the simplicity of this and the strong powerful, thought provoking language that inspired me to read further. Now on with the review and some of the negative things I found.

Firstly, where was the punctuation? I looked at this and there was virtually no punctuation, absolutely nothing to help with the flow of this and help it make sense. I was basically just guessing at the meaning of it at some points because of the lack of punctuation. Just a comma where necessary would have helped. You only used punctuation here

Why should I care?

and here

Because...

You didn't even have a full stop at the end so you actually didn't end this. You need to punctuate this, it is empty without it.

Next, I don't like how this is far to cliche. It is about teenager's going through pain, leaving home and so forth and it is just too irritating at times. Sorry to be so harsh but it is sometimes annoying when people can't find anything to write about except the typical teenage life. Sorry I just don't like that aspect of this poem. I hat being so harsh but I like to be honest.

Overall this is good and it is full of imagery and interesting language and I like how you presented it in short choppy lines that all made sense because there wasn't much writing you just made it long and skinny. Keep up the good work and if you ever want another review please PM me or post the link on my wall and I will be there in less than a week. I loved this poem and please accept my apologies of this review was harsh.

From DreamingForever

Hey I'm Kagi and I'll review for you today.

So first of all, I noticed this mistake, rather a nit-pick as it's not a mistake just something that stood out to me as a don't.

You don't care
You never have
Why should I care?

The repetition of care bothered me. It's far too off hand, and as though, being harsh here, you didn't really care about what word you put here. It's a bit sloppy and careless, well it looks that way, I'm sure you didn't mean it to be. If you still like the idea that you get across here, then I'd change it to: You don't care, you never have so why should I?
That way you're still stressing the same thing, only leaving out the annoying repeat of care.

Be selfish
Lose me forever

Right, here this part bothered me. I mean you're telling whoever it is, not to be selfish but then you go on to say: Lose me forever. Basically meaning to me that you think you're the special one here and that she should think more about losing you as you're oh so important. It's sounds like you, or the person who's writing the poem, is real cocky and think's he's someone unique and amazing. To me, the person writing the poem is the selfish one and doesn't earn any 'likes' for himself. Maybe you like it this way but from my point of view I don't think it's what you want here.

Overall, I didn't really like this. It was a bit confusing, sending way too many mixed signals and was a bit choppy. Kind of like you decided you had to write something so you did. In five seconds flat with no thought put into it. I'm being a bit blunt here, but I hope I'm helping a little? I'd like a bit more depth to the poem and more feeling so we can really understabnd the anger, and hatred and toxie personality in this persons voice.

If you decided to edit, and add in a bit more detail and description, imagery then don't hesitate to let me know and I'll review again for you.

Godd luck reveiwing and don't give up. You have talent, just let it out.

Kagi

Simple but Sweet! This was pretty awesome, not much imagery but still alot of emotion, nice job!
My only nitpick is that you should add some punctuation to aid the flow!

Overall it was really good though, you get 4/5 icky sticky spiders!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

Simple but Sweet! This was pretty awesome, not much imagery but still alot of emotion, nice job!
My only nitpick is that you should add some punctuation to aid the flow!

Overall it was really good though, you get 4/5 icky sticky spiders!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness