She Bears a Traitor's Sword

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I wrote this poem for a project in an English Literature class of mine. We were told to write a poem about something that was wrong with the world and asking in the poem for someone to fix it. Here, I am asking Jesus Christ to come redeem His church.


She Bears a Traitor's Sword

H. C. Smith

* * *

To Thee who died a prisoner’s death, but returned to us as Lord:

Thy church, once graced with loyalty, now bears a traitor’s sword.

The devil’s chair has called to her, Thine own declared bride.

They gutted her with the sharpened edge of the deathly blade of pride.

To the hungry lusts of men and beasts, she has fallen prey;

Destroyed by fiends and hypocrites, left in ruin and decay.

Once as gentle as a lamb, now clothed in lupine hide.

Resurrect her like the blessed saints who grieve her at Thy side.

Bring to her the love and truth to keep the dark at bay.

Free her from hell’s torrid grip, for she has gone astray.

Thy soul is like a fire, slaying shadows in its light.

No demon of the world has the power to bear Thy might.

Thy church is not so cold that she is hidden from love's spark.

Call upon Thy bride, O Lord, and watch her turn so from the dark.

* * *
Last edited by Cole on Sat Aug 27, 2011 5:27 pm, edited 4 times in total.




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Wow, this definitely felt powerful to me. I'm not a religious person, either, I'm not even sure what religion I can fairly belong to. I just felt like you portrayed this in a way that was deep and personal and lacked coming off as "preachy." That's definitely hard with religious poetry, and I think you did really well.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket




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Hello. You've chosen the perfect title for it. 'She Bears a Traitor's Sword' I like it. It immediately caught my attention. I like your presentation. You've displayed a very neat poem. The description has no faults,
HaydenSmith wrote:They gutted her with the sharpened edge of the deathly blade of pride.


I like the way you've described each line with clearity. It definitely speaks of what is wrong with the world. You are a very talented writer so preserve this poem if you want so that you can read it later when you're older. It's just something I always do and it feels good. Anyway, keep it up!
You can wish for death... but you can't wish it away




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Hello, HaydenSmith! This poem is very well written, and it captured the situation facing the church, and in fact the whole world, absolutely beautifully. I loved the bit,
HaydenSmith wrote:Once as gentle as a lamb, now clothed in lupine hide.
Very symbolic, and beautiful.

Nitpicks: There are only two spots where Thy and Thine were mixed up:
"Thy own declared bride." and "...saints who grieve her at Thine side."
It's like a and an. "Thine" in front of a vowel, "Thy" in front of a consonant. Not that I'm an expert. I actually looked up the rules for Thy and Thine so I could say I had a nitpick.
And in the last line, I don't know if "so" is a typo, maybe? It doesn't quite fit the sentence or the rhythm.


But don't take that to mean I didn't like your poem! I really liked it. The ryhmes were great, and the rhythm was decent. It's also great to read something without any spelling or grammar mistakes. Great job! Write on, and God bless.

~DragonGirl11
~*~

"You could look at the raindrops on your window, or you could look through the window and see the rainbow."
~K.C. Oxford

<YWS>




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Speechless. I have nothing to saw but you just changed my life.
The words you write reflect your soul. Make every word count.




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Awesome. Just... awesome. You hit the topic right-on and used perfect wording!
"We need not to be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real?"
-Fahrenheit 451




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Nicely written. If only I could have written poetry when I was 17, and as good as that, too. You sure are gonna be the teacher's favorite! Better watch out!
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Awesome. Best one i've read all day nice Novel. I would read the rest of the parts but i don't have time. I assume this is the 17th part of the novel. keep writing. they will be great. have fun reviewing and stuff. GO SHAMROCKS if you aren't on my team sorry about that GO SHAMROCKS.
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Don't aim at success--the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one's dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself.
— Viktor E. Frankl