Princess Aaron

Prologue


The heir was expected to be a strong son, he would be 'brave and bold' as the Kings prophets told him. And yet out of the two genders that was possible, they predicted the wrong one. The King was filled with disappointment as the midwife told him that he had been given the gift of a new life.
A new...female...life.
He ordered the wronged prophets to be executed at once. This unexpected news was brought to the attention of the Kings step brother, who, since the teenage years of the two, had developed a lust for the power his sibling had been destined to have. He didn't waste a moment to confront the King to his problem.
"Your chance to have another child is impossible," he would tell him. Although what he said was true, as his queen had unfortunately passed away shortly after his daughters birth, he refused to pass on the crown to him and his son. "In that case, what do you plan on doing with this-this princess!? You of all people should know that the crown can only be passed to a male heir," he pointed his index finger shamefully at the useless offspring that lay in her cot. "And I am the closest family you have now. It is the easiest way to keep this kingdom alive!"
It was the easiest way for the kingdom to have a future King. To pass it on to his step-brother and his son. The King knew that. But he also new, that it wasn't the only way.
"There are two things that I am certain of!" the King said. "Firstly, if this kingdom has you as it's king then it will fall just as it would with no king," he picked up the sleeping child carefully and stroked the small dark hairs on her head lovingly. "Secondly, I know that as long as I get my daughter to marry a real prince before she is 21, Roamaki will have a future king."
This conversation angered Eran heavily. It caused him and his followers to take charge against the city. They slaughtered the men, women and children of the kingdom but where soon no match for Roamaki's soldiers.
The King banished Eran, his wife and his son from Roamaki forever. Even though Eran promised revenge, he was never seen since.

Chapter 1

19 years later and the boisterous princess Aaron has grown to her limit. And a rather misbehaving young adult she has turned out to be.
All of the birthdays that she had included a huge festival taking place in the Kingdom. Aaron would travel all around the Kingdom in her carriage waving at every street. The carriage would be surrounded by soldiers and the King would travel in a bigger solid gold carrage in front of her. All day. No breaks. No walking or running. No speaking.
It was exactly why she hated birthdays.
It was so early in the morning. The sun wasn't up yet. The only people that were awake in the entire land, was the soldiers guarding the castle and, of course, Aaron.
A large built middle aged soldier stood at one corner of the gargantuan castle. His armor shining in reflection with the full moon that he was staring wonderingly at. His blond beard attacked his chin as the wind blew roughly in front of him. He had stopped attempting to manage his facial hair many months ago and had just let it grow since then.
He knew at any moment he would have to move to the left. He just had to wait to the right moment.
Not quite. Little more. Maybe a little more....
He moved. His shoulder just missed the tumbling girl who had jumped out of the window behind him. She tumbled to the concrete and landed on her behind. She held her eyes tight trying desperately not to yelp in pain. Instead she let out a little squeak while she rubbed her bottom.
"Aaron Aaron Aaron." He tutted, his head turning to the left and right every time he said her name. "You never learn do you?"
Aaron turned to him with a pouting face. Her long black hair shining at the moon just as his armor. "When will you ever learn to let me hit you!?" she growled.
The man laughed and scratched the top of his head. "Because I'm not daft. But never mind that. You have to stop waking up at this hour. A young princess needs her beauty sleep," he teased.
Aaron wasn't the kind of girl that woke up at a reasonable hour and got dressed into her finest clothes for the day ahead of her. She was the kind of girl that woke up after three hours shoved on her boots over her night gown and got dressed later when people told her to.
"You know I don't sleep for long, Gareth. I don't need to sleep," she smirked hitting his armor twice with the back of her hand. It seemed that she was the only one that noticed the red rings around her green eyes.
He shook his head in disagreement. "You have to go back to bed while you still have time to get back to sleep. It'll be a long day for Roamaki's favourite princess when the sun rises.-"
"Roamaki's only princess!" she corrected him. "And don't remind me!" the princess sighed deeply and sat on the stool originally put there for Gareth. "Why me?"
"Why you?" Gareth repeated her question. "Because you're a princess, and princesses smile and wave." Aarons soldier friend started to laugh. "And if you think this is bad, just wait until your father gives you your birthday present from him!" His laugh grew louder.
Aaron grew curious at this point. "He's not gonna get me a puppy is he?" she questioned.
Gareth didn't expect Aaron to be this clueless of what was coming to her in the evening ahead. "No," he answered. "Do you know how the royal family of Roanaki works Aaron?"
"Well father always tells me bits and pieces of random ancestry stuff, but I don't usually pay attention," she chuckled. "Why?"
Gareth sighed and sat on the ground beside her. "Aaron. You are in the light that your mother and father were expecting you to be a boy, right?"
She nodded.
"Well, when they found out you were a girl, your father was worried. Because after his wife died. He could not get another chance to have a son. And even you must know the crown must be passed to a male heir."
She nodded once again.
"So, in order for the Hatch royal family to keep going, they need you to marry a prince at the age of 21-"
"What-" Aaron interrupted at the first fact she didn't know, but Gareth held up his hand to silence her at once.
"However," he continued. "It is unknown how long it might take to find a prince that is suitable and willing to take on the role as future king. So to be safe, we start to search for him 2 years before your 21st birthday."
This information would've been clear to any other princess at this point. But then again, Aaron had developed a habit of being extremely slow and stupid at certain times. She stared at him no differently than how she did when he started speaking.
The man sighed. "In other words, they will start searching when you turn 19."
Gareth stared back up at the sky and let it come to Aaron.
Wait for it...
"Oh my god!" she yelled at the top of her lungs.
Gareth clapped his hands. "Well done."
She jumped up from the stool and gripped her hair with both hands. "Father's gonna look for my husband. That's outrageous! I mean I'm only 19!" she started pacing up and down in a panic.
"I bet you wish you were a boy don't you?" Gareth laughed.
Aaron wasn't pleased by his comment. "Of course I do! Then I'd be able to go out on the streets on my own and learn to fight!" she stopped. "God I'd love to learn to fight."
Gareth already knew about her desire to have the skills and responsibilities she would have if she was a son. Gareth was 16 years of age at the time of her birth and had been there for her all of her life. He was like a brother to Aaron. "Well," he stood up straight and swiped his sword from his belt epically. "I suppose that could be arranged."
"Don't be so silly Gareth!" she said, refusing to take the sword from him as he held it out to her. "If I hit you with that thing I'll cut you in half!"
"Of course...if you can hit me." he said. "Do you think you can't?"
She folded her arms and smirked. "Of course I could hit you! Your kinda hard to miss!" she chuckled.
Gareth gasped playfully and shook his head. "It might be better to insult me when I don't have a sword in my hand!" He said.
They both laughed, she shrugged and took the sword from him. Lucky she was strong, because any normal princess would not be able even lift a sword. But Aaron had had alot of practice when sneaking around the sword room.
"So, go ahead. Give me your best shot."
Aaron promised herself to be careful before she swung to miss him. And that would be quite easy, because, as she found out in the first few attempts, that she wasn't that good at aiming.
"Come on!" Gareth teased. "I'm not even moving!"
Aaron huffed as a single drip of sweat ran down her face. "I just don't want to hurt you."
"Suure." He laughed sarcastically. "Well, now that I think about it, I forgot the reason why you can't hit me is because your a female!"
Gareth didn't say this to hurt or annoy Aaron. He just knew that the only way she would try her absolute best was when people blamed her performance on her gender.
And boy, did it work.
The sword swung so fast there was no way Gareth could see it coming. It hit him right in the chest! Knocking him back, and denting his armor.
"Oh, Gareth are you OK!?" She dropped the sword and helped her friend back to his feet.
He stretched his arms and groaned. "Now that, is a knight's swing. If only you could do that all the time." He smiled. "Now come on. Why don't you go back to bed, eh?"
"No. I already told you, I'm not going back to bed."
In the end Gareth always won. Aaron knew that Gareth didn't tell her to do stuff for no reason. And after all, her father would be so mad if she were to fall asleep on her birthday!

This is story is pretty cool i did spot a couple of spelling mistakes and some puncuation mistakes but i like the lay out of the story and the plot and i really admire how the characters are so well described and detailed in this chapter. It's kinda like a harry potter book of you ask me sorta like mystery slice of action i really like it please keep writing more chapters!

There are a few spelling and punctuation mistakes, dear, but I'm going to nitpick. Not really in the mood to. There were a few places where a comma would've come in helpful.

I like your idea. Though the distinctly fairytale-like theme is present throughout, and isn't exactly new, either, I liked it for the idea. Though, personally, I do feel a bit sad for poor princess Aaron. Isn't Aaron a male name, though? Could she have been named that because of her parent's desire for a male child? Makes me wonder.

Another thing that I had to force myself to disapprove was the fact that though the story was set in medieval times (castles et al), the Princess uses modern urban language. Well, mostly. It sounds a bit like it to me, though. Though nobody expects her to go off like "ye olde vagrants, why dost thou sit here and twang the fibrous strings of thy lutes", it's a little disconcerting to see she speaks like, well, how you or I would.

WATMF wrote:This conversation angered Eran heavily. It caused him and his followers to take charge against the city. They slaughtered the men, women and children of the kingdom but where soon no match for Roamaki's soldiers.
The King banished Eran, his wife and his son from Roamaki forever. Even though Eran promised revenge, he was never seen since.

Ooh I like this part. Though you could have expounded on the first line - why did he do that? Couldn't he have just killed the child? Hmmn. Even if there were a valid reason, did he kill all of them, or a few before Roamaki's protectors wiped the decks with their backsides? There's potential for an incredible battle scene right there.

Overall; I like this idea. It's novel. Keep writing, and keep it up.

Why hello there.

So this seems like quite the interesting little story you have going here. It's based in a more medieval century, am I right? I can only tell by the reference to knights and kings and heirs. I think you picked an interesting era to work with. Your story seems to have a nice solid foundation here. You have and interesting beginning, and an appealing main character. This is obviously very good. Though, I do have a few suggestions.

For one, I see this was split into prologue and chapter one. Had it been me, I probably would have divided the two indefinitely. This way, you're able to spend more time developing each part perfectly without the worry of it being to ling as a whole. There definitely seemed to be that sort of rushed feeling as I went from the prologue into chapter one. It just jumped. Not drastically of course, the transitional structure could have used a bit mire attention though. Aside from yay though, I think you have a good beginning here. It seems to stand well on it's own.

At first I wasn't too crazy about the name of the princess character. But as I began to understand the gist of your story, it made sense that she's be named somewhat of a boy name. She was after all destined to be a male heir to her father's thrown. That and the mother died giving birth. Men don't always have the best instinct when naming children, so I think the fact that he named his daughter Aaron gives everything a little more character.

The relationship between Aaron and Gareth is very endearing, I think. I'm actually quite glad you decided to create a character like him so early on. You've begun to establish this relationship in a great way, and from what I've read I can see it can only get stronger from here. I do hope you have plans to keep him as an immediate character in the story. It'll really help to liven your story.

Overall, I think it's a nice first draft to a great beginning. Though I did find many puntuational errors and such lingering throughout the length of this. You would put periods before the sentence was finished and random things like that. These errors are easily fixable though. Jut go back through when you hve the time and make a point to polishing this up a bit.

Nice story so far. I sincerely enjoyed the read. x)

-Smylin'

Hello I shall be review this I'll just jump right in.

WATMF wrote:Prologue


The heir was expected to be a strong son, he would be 'brave and bold' as the Kings prophets told him. And yet out of the two genders that was possible, they predicted the wrong one. The King was filled with disappointment as the midwife told him that he had been given the gift of a new life.
A new...female...life. (uh oh)He ordered the wronged prophets to be executed at once. This unexpected news was brought to the attention of the Kings step brother, who, since the teenage years of the two, had developed a lust for the power his sibling had been destined to have. He didn't waste a moment to confront the King to his problem. (I liked your word choice of 'lust' here)"Your chance to have another child is impossible," he would tell him. Although what he said was true, as his queen had unfortunately passed away shortly after his daughters birth,(this has been done before, so kind of a let down. Still interesting though. And so sad for the king) he refused to pass on the crown to him and his son. "In that case, what do you plan on doing with this-this princess!? You of all people should know that the crown can only be passed to a male heir," he pointed his index finger shamefully at the useless offspring that lay in her cot. "And I am the closest family you have now. It is the easiest way to keep this kingdom alive!"
It was the easiest way for the kingdom to have a future King. To pass it on to his step-brother and his son. The King knew that. But he also new, that it wasn't the only way.
"There are two things that I am certain of!" the King said. "Firstly, if this kingdom has you as it's king then it will fall just as it would with no king, (ouch! Thats gotta hurt, hahha)" he picked up the sleeping child carefully and stroked the small dark hairs on her head lovingly. "Secondly, I know that as long as I get my daughter to marry a real prince before she is 21, Roamaki will have a future king."
This conversation angered Eran heavily. It caused him and his followers to take charge against the city. They slaughtered the men, women and children of the kingdom but where soon no match for Roamaki's soldiers.
The King banished Eran, his wife and his son from Roamaki forever. Even though Eran promised revenge, he was never seen since.

Chapter 1 (I didn't really see the point in having a proluge and a chapter, you should of just put them together)
19 years later and the boisterous princess Aaron has grown to her limit. And a rather misbehaving young adult she has turned out to be.
All of the birthdays that she had included a huge festival taking place in the Kingdom. Aaron would travel all around the Kingdom in her carriage waving at every street. The carriage would be surrounded by soldiers and the King would travel in a bigger solid gold carrage in front of her. All day. No breaks. No walking or running. No speaking.
It was exactly why she hated birthdays.
It was so early in the morning. The sun wasn't up yet. The only people that were awake in the entire land, was the soldiers guarding the castle and, of course, Aaron.
A large built middle aged soldier stood at one corner of the gargantuan castle. His armor shining in reflection with the full moon that he was staring wonderingly at. His blond beard attacked his chin as the wind blew roughly in front of him. He had stopped attempting to manage his facial hair many months ago and had just let it grow since then.
He knew at any moment he would have to move to the left. He just had to wait to the right moment.
Not quite. Little more. Maybe a little more....
He moved. His shoulder just missed the tumbling girl who had jumped out of the window behind him. She tumbled to the concrete and landed on her behind. She held her eyes tight trying desperately not to yelp in pain. Instead she let out a little squeak while she rubbed her bottom.
"Aaron Aaron Aaron." He tutted, his head turning to the left and right every time he said her name. "You never learn do you?" (I really like this character. He is someone I'm sure a lot of people wiill grow to love just as myself)Aaron turned to him with a pouting face. Her long black hair shining at the moon just as his armor. "When will you ever learn to let me hit you!?" she growled.
The man laughed and scratched the top of his head. "Because I'm not daft. But never mind that. You have to stop waking up at this hour. A young princess needs her beauty sleep," he teased.
Aaron wasn't the kind of girl that woke up at a reasonable hour and got dressed into her finest clothes for the day ahead of her. She was the kind of girl that woke up after three hours shoved on her boots over her night gown and got dressed later when people told her to.
"You know I don't sleep for long, Gareth. I don't need to sleep," she smirked hitting his armor twice with the back of her hand. It seemed that she was the only one that noticed the red rings around her green eyes.
He shook his head in disagreement. "You have to go back to bed while you still have time to get back to sleep. It'll be a long day for Roamaki's favourite princess when the sun rises.-"
"Roamaki's only princess!" she corrected him. "And don't remind me!" the princess sighed deeply and sat on the stool originally put there for Gareth. "Why me?"
"Why you?" Gareth repeated her question. "Because you're a princess, and princesses smile and wave." Aarons soldier friend started to laugh. "And if you think this is bad, just wait until your father gives you your birthday present from him!" His laugh grew louder.
Aaron grew curious at this point. "He's not gonna get me a puppy is he?" she questioned.
Gareth didn't expect Aaron to be this clueless of what was coming to her in the evening ahead. "No," he answered. "Do you know how the royal family of Roanaki works Aaron?"
"Well father always tells me bits and pieces of random ancestry stuff, but I don't usually pay attention," she chuckled. "Why?"
Gareth sighed and sat on the ground beside her. "Aaron. You are in the light that your mother and father were expecting you to be a boy, right?"
She nodded.
"Well, when they found out you were a girl, your father was worried. Because after his wife died. He could not get another chance to have a son. And even you must know the crown must be passed to a male heir."
She nodded once again.
"So, in order for the Hatch royal family to keep going, they need you to marry a prince at the age of 21-"
"What-" Aaron interrupted at the first fact she didn't know, but Gareth held up his hand to silence her at once.
"However," he continued. "It is unknown how long it might take to find a prince that is suitable and willing to take on the role as future king. So to be safe, we start to search for him 2 years before your 21st birthday."
This information would've been clear to any other princess at this point. But then again, Aaron had developed a habit of being extremely slow and stupid at certain times. She stared at him no differently than how she did when he started speaking.
The man sighed. "In other words, they will start searching when you turn 19."
Gareth stared back up at the sky and let it come to Aaron.
Wait for it...
"Oh my god!" she yelled at the top of her lungs.
Gareth clapped his hands. "Well done."
She jumped up from the stool and gripped her hair with both hands. "Father's gonna look for my husband. That's outrageous! I mean I'm only 19!" she started pacing up and down in a panic.
"I bet you wish you were a boy don't you?" Gareth laughed.
Aaron wasn't pleased by his comment. "Of course I do! Then I'd be able to go out on the streets on my own and learn to fight!" she stopped. "God I'd love to learn to fight."
Gareth already knew about her desire to have the skills and responsibilities she would have if she was a son. Gareth was 16 years of age at the time of her birth and had been there for her all of her life. He was like a brother to Aaron. "Well," he stood up straight and swiped his sword from his belt epically. "I suppose that could be arranged."
"Don't be so silly Gareth!" she said, refusing to take the sword from him as he held it out to her. "If I hit you with that thing I'll cut you in half!"
"Of course...if you can hit me." he said. "Do you think you can't?"
She folded her arms and smirked. "Of course I could hit you! Your kinda hard to miss!" she chuckled.
Gareth gasped playfully and shook his head. "It might be better to insult me when I don't have a sword in my hand!" He said.
They both laughed, she shrugged and took the sword from him. Lucky she was strong, because any normal princess would not be able even lift a sword. But Aaron had had alot of practice when sneaking around the sword room.
"So, go ahead. Give me your best shot."
Aaron promised herself to be careful before she swung to miss him. And that would be quite easy, because, as she found out in the first few attempts, that she wasn't that good at aiming.
"Come on!" Gareth teased. "I'm not even moving!"
Aaron huffed as a single drip of sweat ran down her face. "I just don't want to hurt you."
"Suure." He laughed sarcastically. "Well, now that I think about it, I forgot the reason why you can't hit me is because your a female!"
Gareth didn't say this to hurt or annoy Aaron. He just knew that the only way she would try her absolute best was when people blamed her performance on her gender.
And boy, did it work.
The sword swung so fast there was no way Gareth could see it coming. It hit him right in the chest! Knocking him back, and denting his armor.
"Oh, Gareth are you OK!?" She dropped the sword and helped her friend back to his feet.
He stretched his arms and groaned. "Now that, is a knight's swing. If only you could do that all the time." He smiled. "Now come on. Why don't you go back to bed, eh?"
"No. I already told you, I'm not going back to bed."
In the end Gareth always won. Aaron knew that Gareth didn't tell her to do stuff for no reason. And after all, her father would be so mad if she were to fall asleep on her birthday!

There was a lot more I would of liked to said but I'll just say it quickly here. So far a good story however it lacks in action. Try spicing things up a little. I loved the way you made Aaron have a boys name, it was interesting I don't think it has been done before (if it has, I haven't see it)! Love it and looking forward to more! Hope this helped!