Finally

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Spoiler
I don't know.



I walk across this empty land,
Eyes drifting across a motionless sky.
My breath is loud against the night,
Coming out in puffs against the chill air.

Lately I've been hollow,
Cold and dark;
Trying to figure what it all means,
Trying to make sense of this pain.

My feet rummage through the dirt and snow
As I blindly start to surrender to the hurt.
Hoping that it can't possibly be worse,
Though knowing that it is.

Thoughts banging around in my
Silently screaming mind.
Images showing themselves like a reflection
In a pond.

I collapse,
Knees are weak.
The weight on my shoulders
Brings me down once again.

I must grab a branch
To prop myself up.
I don't want to bear this.
I want to die, I think to myself in the stillness.

I know the meaning of death.
Forever gone.
Forever missing.
Finally,
With all this in my mind,
I reach peace when my heart explodes in my chest.

My motionless body lies on the snowy floor of the jungle.
No longer hurting,
No longer dying.
You think you are any different from me,or yourfriends?Or this tree?If you listenhard enough,you canhear every living thingbreathing together.You canfeel everything growing.We are all living togethereven if most folksdon't act like it.We all havethe same roots,and we are allbranches of the sametree.




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This is good, melodramatic in a good way. It was, however, a bit confusing. I can't tell if this is about a death that is so long and painful that you wish to be dead, or a suicide caused because of too many grief-filled thoughts. If you cleared that up, I think this poem could be great. Keep it up, and I hope that my review helps. Good luck.
"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known..." A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens.




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Hi there!

This poem is written very well. I found it very easy to read and it had a definite rhythm to it. Your imagery is great and you really get into the character's head, telling us their thoughts. I do agree with paintingtherain though, I am a little confused. I do know that this is a poem about death, but why? I can't tell if this was a spur of the moment thing or if it was planned all along.

Overall this is really good. Keep writing!
Noelle is the name, reviewing and writing cliffhangers is the game.

Writer of fantasy, action/adventure, and magic. Huzzah!

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"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done." -- Steven Wright

YWS is life




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Oh my god. You scared ME to death. The line,

Alliaaryn5665 wrote:I reach peace when my heart explodes in my chest.

It's scary to think about death but you really had me mesmerized in the poem. I would say, splendid use of your mind. I liked it. :)
You can wish for death... but you can't wish it away




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Points 2383
Reviews 67
Any suggestions on how to clear it up?
You think you are any different from me,or yourfriends?Or this tree?If you listenhard enough,you canhear every living thingbreathing together.You canfeel everything growing.We are all living togethereven if most folksdon't act like it.We all havethe same roots,and we are allbranches of the sametree.



A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.
— Oscar Wilde