The thing is, when you grow-up[ without knowing what you want don't have. You don't miss it.Once you know about it though you keep remembering. I do want what I have,but if you don't reach for something greater, something more from your self not things. How can you ever grow? And you won't ever reach for it if you don't start wanting it in the first place
Hey there preachergirl! I'm SporkPunk and I'll be reviewing this today. :]
So, first off, I thought the idea was quite good but I think it could be executed a lot better.
The thing is, when you grow-up[
Okay, so when you write poetry, you realize that every character has meaning. e.e. cummings was the master of using non-letters in his poems. I tried to find another bracket at first, then I tried to figure out if it meant something, and finally decided you hit the bracket key on accident. This is excusable, but you should try to be more careful next time. Typos like this ending up in a final piece reveal a lack of care on your part, which is bad because the reader wants to know that you do, in fact, care about your pieces.
I'd point out other errors like this, but the poem is quite full of them, unfortunately. Words spaced when they don't need to be ("yourself" is one word, unless you're trying to emphasize the self, but I didn't seem to think that was what you were going for) and a lack of spaces from a period to a new sentence, that sort of thing. I recommend going through this poem again and cleaning it up a bit on the technical front.
As for content, I like the overall idea (using the self as a means for growth rather than external forces--nice) but I don't think you did your idea justice by presenting it this way. It comes out superficial and not very well thought out. I think maybe thinking of more ways to express this idea, or even exploring the concept more would make this poem a great piece.
Good luck! Keep on writing! -Spork
Grasped by the throat, grasped by the throat. That's how I feel about love. That it's not worth it.
nice poem,i like it.what was written is true:) when you dont have something you want it but if you have it you dont and people dont realize it. i reread it twice and really like it.great job!
