Licking Dew

Spoiler

Writers are artists, and artists are strangely sensitive people. They're like petals. They react emotionally to things that should cause them to be amused. Ponder on every word, and try to reflect on your precise, artistic nature.

Do you hear whispers?
Petals, flitting, not dropping
Like warm- yet breezy- slippers
Finite, yet undying; living richly, yet crying

It is they, the winsome few,
Coming to lick a drop of dew
Not a pitter, not a patter,
And yet they walk, for they’re not of matter.

Hey! I'm awful at reviewing poetry x) But I liked this! The words were nice, and flowed really well. I love how the ending rhymed a bit. For me, the first stanza was better, because it had better visuals for me. The second confused me because I could not figure out who the winsome few were... but that's just me.

To be honest, I thought what you had in the Spoiler! was the most interesting thing lol! xD

I really like this! You're very poetic! Beautiful poem!

Hello formslipper,

I had to read this several times, but in a good way. It's not everyday I get to enjoy a poem that challenges me and provokes thoughtful meditations. You have a great handle with imagery and rhythm and I feel the idea you're using is brilliant. I'll admit, I gave up after having a few of my own ideas as to what this poem could be about and had to read the spoiler. I like your idea much better than mine. I like the idea of "licking dew". We writers are so "thirsty" for that idea, for those emotions. It is quite original and also beautiful. There are just several things...

By leaving the spoiler there, I assume that you are trying to get this idea across (which is different from leaving a poem open-ended and allowing the readers to get their own meaning, or figure things out for themselves).

If you really meant for the poem to be open-ended, I'd leave the spoiler out and put more emotions in it. If you can get a reader to sympathize and feel the emotions of a piece, then it will become personal for them. If the poem is personal to them, it will mean something different for each and every individual and it will matter for them. But I really feel as though your intentions are to get this idea across on paper, right?

When you are trying to get a specific idea across than you must tailor the poem around that specific idea and focus on clarity and getting that message across.

I'll be honest, I am no master poet. I wouldn't even call me an expert or particularly intelligent. I am what you would call your average reader, and your average reader thought this was just a short, but sweet nature poem. But this is something much deeper. If you're trying to get the idea of a writer/artist as a petal than there is no shown tenor/vehicle relationship to allow for the reader to make those interpretations. Rather, you tell us in the spoiler what the tenor/vehicle is - you should tell us through the poem itself. http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/587448/tenor-and-vehicle

It is true that some poets leave the tenor/vehicle as ambiguous. One technique is to have the tenor as the title. If you title the poem as "Writers" or "Arists" (or something along those lines) then the readers know that the poem is about writers/artists, and therefore have that image in mind when reading about petals and dew. If you have any questions about what I mean when I refer to tenors/vehicle, I did link you to an excellent article that would explain it to you much better than I, but you can also PM me and I'd be happy to explain it further.

Another thing you could do is just add another line in there, whether at the beginning or the end, that explicitly makes this connection. Something as simple as "It is they, the winsome arists" will do it. (Though I realize that might mess up your rhyme scheme :X) But it's all up to you.

Also, that last line gets me a bit confused as well. When you refer to "they" do you mean the writers? Or the ideas/emotions/that intangible element, the "dew" of sorts? It isn't clear. There seems to be a misplaced modifier somewhere, or perhaps I am reading this wrong.

If it's a case of the latter and not the former, then I would choose a different verb than "walk". Walking just seems weak. Stroll could be an alternative. Or maybe something courageous. Like "escaping", though that might ruin that smooth, tranquil mood you've created.

In any case, I liked the poem. With a little work, this could be excellent and an easy favorite. Keep working on it and keep writing!

~ As always Audy