What We Left Behind

Spoiler

This is basically just a way for me to get my feelings down on paper. I'm a short story person, but I couldn't think of how to make this a story, so it's a poem instead. I don't consider myself a poet and I'm not good at writing it. And this is the first time I've written a rhyming poem. Please feel free to tear it apart, I won't take it personal. Happy reading!

What do I think
how do I feel;
I hope to catch a wink
Or a smile on the photo reel.

You look at me
and I am confused:
not knowing what I see
or if my love has already been used.

I try to prompt
to hint at
the fact my feelings are still there.
My foot had stomped
all that sat
between us in midair.

We were floating on the clouds
high above the earth
with nothing but the sounds
and anything of worth.

My life was perfect
with you by my side;
I thought everything was wrecked
but I found someone in which to confide.

It was you and me
me and you
and we were inseparable.
Now you need to see
that nothing else is new
and that you are irreplacable.

Hello! I'm new here and at the moment all I can do is review other peoples work. I've gotta say, your style of poem resembles mine A LOT! I'm not a poet either but I like writing stuffs down like you. I guess the problem with 'my' style is that it's sort of abrupt (unlike yours -I got a picture of what you were trying to mean ) The theme was nice too but...I'm a little confused (mind you). It sounds kind of like a love poem to me. Is it so? If not, don't mind, okay? I loved your writing! Bye for now...

What do I think
how do I feel;
I hope to catch a wink
Or a smile on the photo reel.

You look at me
and I am confused:
not knowing what I see
or if my love has already been used.

I try to prompt
to hint at
the fact my feelings are still there.
My foot had stomped
all that sat
between us in midair.

We were floating on the clouds
high above the earth
with nothing but the sounds
and anything of worth.

[I don't know why these 2 lines confuse me, but they do.
Do you mean "nothing...of anything of worth?" or "with nothing but the sounds
and everything of worth? or the "sounds of anything of worth?" It's just the sentence
structure that I haven't seen before, so I'm trying to figure it out.
Maybe I just don't know enough about poetry. It's true, I get the rhythm stuff all mixed up.]

My life was perfect
with you by my side;
I thought everything was wrecked
but I found someone in whom to confide.

It was you and me
me and you
and we were inseparable.
Now you need to see
that nothing else is new
and that you are irreplaceable.

I've written a poem like this before. It really helps to get your feelings about someone out, doesn't it? Later you look back on it and think "eh, he wasn't so great" or "eh, it's not such a bad poem after all" or "haha it's corny, I'll go show it to my friends". So keep this to look at later, kind of like a growth chart. It's fun!

Wow. I really like this. The rhyme scheme was consistent and for someone who doesn't normally write poetry you did a great here. Well done.

- Angel

Hi Noelle!

I haven't been on the site in a long time, but I saw you did a lot of reviews recently so I figured I'd attempt to review one of yours.
Anyway, here we go!

What do I think
how do I feel;
I hope to catch a wink
Or a smile on the photo reel.

Not quite sure how the two ideas in this stanza fit together, however I like the sound of the words. They sound sort of lyrical.

not knowing what I see
or if my love has already been used.

I'm sort of confused by what you're getting at here. "Not knowing what I see" doesn't seem to be a complete idea.

all that sat
between us in midair.

I think the need to rhyme made this a little awkward sounding. This would sound much better without the "in midair".

My life was perfect
with you by my side;
I thought everything was wrecked
but I found someone in which to confide.

You're vague about what's changed. Are you saying the "you" is the someone you can confide in? Or is this a different person? Why was everything wrecked?

you are irreplacable.

I think you mean irreplaceable

I think I get the general emotional impression. However, I think you were too much in your own mind when you wrote this. As a whole the poem is vague. I'm not exactly sure what's happened to/with the relationship in the poem. I like your word choices, nothing too over the top or cheesey. And, thought I noted one spot where the rhyme was a little forced for the most part you did a good job.

Hope to read more poetry from you!


-Maggie