Hello You

Hey beautiful!

Rawr, I'm here to review as promised!

Hellocomma here I think. you[b who make me smile Makes
To me you’re very dear
I’ll hold u close without trial This feels like a forced rhyme.
Wiping away every tear

From day to daycomma I’ll help u shine

Okay, well first off PUNCUATION! Near the ends of where you break your lines. Its hard to read this when your not aloud to breath till the end. You don't need a lot, but yes you need commas.

This was very short, but I liked it. It was really sweet. Try to watch how long your lines are compared to others.
Remember to let your poem flow. Thats all I got! Good job!

PM me or post on my wall if you have any questions!

I love you! =D

-Boo

Thanx! Ya i realized that i forgot commas rate after i posted it, but i couldn't find the edit button. lol Also do you have any suggestions on how to make that line not seem forced?

Very nice and I have to agree with the other reviewer, commas would of been better. This seemed somewhat rushed and a little over thought out. But it was nice to read and made me have a little smile. I liked it but could use just a litte more work to have been that extra bit special. Hope this helps

Thanx! I edit it rate now and add in the commas.